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Just broke up, she cut off communication, completely lost


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 8th November 2010, 11:46 PM   #1
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Just broke up, she cut off communication, completely lost

Just Hey everyone, this is my first post ever to be honest, on anything like this, but i really need some advice and i'm really hurting a lot, or just someone to talk to.

So i met my girlfriend(i guess ex now) in high school junior year. We were set up through friends but i had previously had a class with her and kind of knew her. We went to prom and really hit it off, and we ended up getting together a couple days later. Things were great i had never hit it off with a girl like this before, ever. I told her everything and i had never really been the type to share much about myself. We talked on the phone every single night for over a year, for hours. We were in love eventually, i finally told her that too which i had never done. I loved her, i still do. I had also always been the more affectionate one in the relationship, and she was more of the opposite but its not like she was completely opposite. Eventually things changed this last summer and i caused a lot of problems but we were still good. And then we finally fixed it, we fixed everything we were happy for months.

But eventually this Halloween we had a giant fight and she ended up freaking out which wasn't that out of the ordinary because she is manic depressive and bi-polar. But it was mainly under control. But the day after this fight she apologized and said that she was wrong and we were good again. But then the following Monday we hang out and she tells me she has something to say and breaks it off, just like that. She is my absolute best friend, the person i could tell anything, and because i also have depression she helped me through a lot. But now she was gone all the sudden.

At first she told me it was her and not me and it was, and she wasn't happy with herself and couldn't stand to be around herself. And she said she needed time before she could be with me because i was so ready to commit. It was a hard break up but we accepted it and cried and hugged. She said that she didn't want to talk to me for a couple months and not hang out for a while. Which was hard for me because i didn't have anyone else, she was my life, she was my best friend. So i kept texting her a couple days after and couldn't stop she told me to stop and i finally did until that weekend. And then by chance on saturday we texted each other at the same time. I invited her to a party i was going to and she agreed, i thought it was something else because of that. Before the party we talked and she made it clear she didn't want to be with me for at least years and then we could try again. We ended up making it to the part(as friends) and got a little drunk, then we ended up sleeping together and having sex. We woke up in the morning and talked in my car for hours about regular stuff. We are both still in love but she doesn't want to be with me.

So finally today i text her and tell her i'm having trouble, she tells me to stop texting her, but we get into this conversation, and she tells me that a big reason she did it was because she felt guilty that i was so in love with her and she didn't feel the same way, and she couldn't deal with it and never told me. I have texted her consistently since we broke up even though she explicitly asked me not to i couldn't help it she is literally my best friend. I love her. We got into it a little bit because she has always been afraid of commitment. She didn't deny it. She was trying to tell me i need to eventually see other people and i just don't want to hear it. Anyways she told me that she is deleting all my texts and going to delete me on Facebook if i don't stop trying to talk to her. Its not like a have been spamming her with stuff though. A little much i will admit though.

She told me that she will text me in a couple months or so and we can be friends again, when we have clear minds and "we aren't each others anymore" i dont know what to do. I feel lost and i have lost her for good and it hurts. She always told me we would get married and i was perfect. Im having trouble not texting her. I know she is hurting too, i know she is hurting a lot. Im just confused, and dont have anyone to talk to.

Anyways sorry for the wall of text, i dont know if thats the norm or what. Thank you in advance for your help.
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Old 9th November 2010, 12:39 AM   #2
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I got did in this way when I was about your age by my first "love". This girl is doing you a huge favor. She is open with you and made things very clear. This should be closure enough.

All you have to do is accept the fact that she doesn't feel the same way about you and focus on getting yourself together. All that stuff she said about you being perfect is dream talk and not very realistic. Nobody is perfect and getting married at your age is crazy, don't even think about it.

You have to let her go. Respect her wishes and find positive outlets for your pain. Get the idea that "shes the one" out of your head. Get the idea that she is "yours" out of your head. Getting the cold shoulder may seem really harsh now, but you will respect how "upfront" she was later. DO NOT CONTACT HER, for your own sake.

If it is your first love, its gonna hit hard. How you cope with this will set the tone for how you cope with relationship losses in the future. It's very important that you focus on getting over her and improving yourself.

Cherish your memories together but know that all good things come to an end

Good luck.
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Old 9th November 2010, 4:45 AM   #3
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yeah i agree with the above post, at least she was upfront and didn't give you a bogus reason like "i'm confused" we know you feel unwanted and lost but that feeling will pass soon. In the mean time you should pick up a hobby or start working out and when you guys are ready to be friends you will be whole different person witha positive outlook on life
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Old 9th November 2010, 5:29 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by iamawesome View Post
I got did in this way when I was about your age by my first "love". This girl is doing you a huge favor. She is open with you and made things very clear. This should be closure enough.
I couldn't agree more with this statement!

I know its alot harder than it sounds... the first time is always the hardest... but you have to just cut all ties... let loose, party a bit, go to the gym, when you're ready meet some girls...

You'll come out of this situation a stronger man
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Old 9th November 2010, 9:16 AM   #5
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Thank you guys for responding, it actually helped somewhat and i wasn't sure if it actually would. Although we just broke up and some of that is a little hard to hear. The hardest part is trying not to talk to her, because we had so much communication.

Im going to try and move on, and get over her. But i am going to always have it in my head that maybe later it will work out because she said there is a small chance, after years maybe. Plus we are both in college now and i cant help but think that has something to do with it for her, but maybe not.

Anyways thanks again.
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Old 9th November 2010, 11:36 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by VancouverStoover View Post
Thank you guys for responding, it actually helped somewhat and i wasn't sure if it actually would. Although we just broke up and some of that is a little hard to hear. The hardest part is trying not to talk to her, because we had so much communication.

Im going to try and move on, and get over her. But i am going to always have it in my head that maybe later it will work out because she said there is a small chance, after years maybe. Plus we are both in college now and i cant help but think that has something to do with it for her, but maybe not.

Anyways thanks again.

Good luck. You'll be OK. I know it. I feel so badly for you right now because I was there just 3 months ago. It really does get easier. Chin up! xxx
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Old 9th November 2010, 11:53 AM   #7
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You'll thank her for how upfront she is after the initial sting goes away. She knows it's not good to be in contact, she set goals in the far distant future to maybe try as friends when you two are over each other, and she's removing you from Facebook.

Are you sure she doesn't post on LS? She's doing all of the best advice given on her since this board was created.

She may or may not be hurting, that's no longer your priority. Your priority is yourself at this point.
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Old 9th November 2010, 3:04 PM   #8
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I know how you feel OP, me and my ex were so intimate and communicated all the time. Now it is nothing, I made the same mistakes of txting her too much after the breakup but it honestly does no good.
All you can do now is work on yourself, out come will be you either move on and find someone else or she realises her loss and begs for a 2nd chance, win/win situation...but it will be hard.
Harrass her and she will never speak to you again, all this 'we will speak ina month' talk is just stringing you along, sounds to me like shes met someone else or people have got into her head.
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Old 9th November 2010, 4:37 PM   #9
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Yeah i stopped texting her today, except for one text this morning letting her know i understand what she wants and i will leave her alone until she is ready to talk to me. I feel better slightly but i couldn't want to talk to her anymore. And she is a real smart girl and has been through this before in the past one time, so she understands. But she was on my end that time.

And as for her having someone in mind, that would never happen. Ever. She has been cheated on numerous times and hates it, if there was another person she would be up front about that. As for people getting to her thats a small possibility because her friends hate me, and the feeling is mutual. But our families loved each other lol. Anyways that doesn't really matter now but i just don't think thats the case.

You guys are helping a lot to be honest, thank you. This is hard to deal with especially if you have no one to talk to. As for now i'm trying to get over it and live with myself, and look towards the future that hopefully she is in, but if not i will live.
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Old 9th November 2010, 4:37 PM   #10
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I wish I was your age in dealing with relationship stuff and heartbreak. Your resiliance is so much of an advantage at ur age. Experience through age is a teacher and I have tons of it. lol. In other words I'm an old fart!. lol. You dont know it yet and arnt in a mindset to even think about it. But, you have no idea of the variaty and breadth of the woman that will come into your life. Many will totally blow you away and some will be into you BIG TIME. I know, sounds like the parent giving a kid the obligatory "pep talk" but on this forum we are all at the same level. So what Im telling you is Guy to Guy, and nothing else. Man college alone is an oppertunity. I myself didnt get really girl active untill I was like 25 and was really suprised how much I had that the girls liked. Good job, single, nice guy, loyal, active, a house and savings. Not a stud looking but not butt ugly either. I was glad I didnt go through with the girl I had when I was 19 that broke my heart bigtime. Same as you she was my soulmate and best friend I had no life except her and was not available for other oppertunities that were right in front of me. As for you your main goal is to not let this affect youre college. Get that ticket punched it will make a huge difference in your marketability with women and also a great place to meet em. Good ones too!!! Right now your focus on classes is not good because youre distracted with the heartbreak. Think about what is comming to you in the future and make it happen. College is a big part of what its going to take. Stay on course. Life is going to be good for you. Now think about how much she will miss out on because some other girl is going to get the prize. Maybe its good she will miss it because you need to share the wealth with a few lovely ladies and not be so selfish. lol. You are right in that window where you dont know what you dont know. So im going to tell you... over the next 7 or 8 years girls that you can love wont be the problem, its going to be which one you decide on. I can tell youre a good sincere relationship kind of guy so they will come flocking, you will see that what this girl offered isnt at all unique. Remember I told you so. lol
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Old 9th November 2010, 4:59 PM   #11
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I wish I was your age in dealing with relationship stuff and heartbreak. Your resiliance is so much of an advantage at ur age. Experience through age is a teacher and I have tons of it. lol. In other words I'm an old fart!. lol. You dont know it yet and arnt in a mindset to even think about it. But, you have no idea of the variaty and breadth of the woman that will come into your life. Many will totally blow you away and some will be into you BIG TIME. I know, sounds like the parent giving a kid the obligatory "pep talk" but on this forum we are all at the same level. So what Im telling you is Guy to Guy, and nothing else. Man college alone is an oppertunity. I myself didnt get really girl active untill I was like 25 and was really suprised how much I had that the girls liked. Good job, single, nice guy, loyal, active, a house and savings. Not a stud looking but not butt ugly either. I was glad I didnt go through with the girl I had when I was 19 that broke my heart bigtime. Same as you she was my soulmate and best friend I had no life except her and was not available for other oppertunities that were right in front of me. As for you your main goal is to not let this affect youre college. Get that ticket punched it will make a huge difference in your marketability with women and also a great place to meet em. Good ones too!!! Right now your focus on classes is not good because youre distracted with the heartbreak. Think about what is comming to you in the future and make it happen. College is a big part of what its going to take. Stay on course. Life is going to be good for you. Now think about how much she will miss out on because some other girl is going to get the prize. Maybe its good she will miss it because you need to share the wealth with a few lovely ladies and not be so selfish. lol. You are right in that window where you dont know what you dont know. So im going to tell you... over the next 7 or 8 years girls that you can love wont be the problem, its going to be which one you decide on. I can tell youre a good sincere relationship kind of guy so they will come flocking, you will see that what this girl offered isnt at all unique. Remember I told you so. lol
I'm not sure how to feel about this, on one hand i want it to be true because i'm hurting just about as much as i ever have. This was my first real relationship and feelings of love. Plus i would love to meet a girl like her or like you're talking about. But on the other hand i want her, and i want things to work out with her. There are very very few things that i actually dislike about her and would like it to work out in the end. Although from these posts it doesn't look like it. And i'm not so naive to believe i'm the first person to go through this.

But here is the big question for me, how many of you have that one girl that got away? Is that even a real thing, is there a relationship that you occasionally think about and wonder what could have been?
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Old 9th November 2010, 5:40 PM   #12
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Good question. Yes I had that one girl. and it wasnt the girl I met as a young man. I had at the time thought it was a girl I was i n love with when I was like 20. But I didnt know any better then. The one I met that was the one was when I was like, ready for this,? 48. Yes 48. Every girl I lost up to then was "The One" ... I thought. Man I know how you feel. I also know that in hindsight I just missed the close loving thing . Each offered something that I thought was Irreplaceable. Untill the next one came along. Then I reached a point where I didnt care about getting that OMG love. I was having way too much fun doing all the fun stuff I wanted to do when I got my independance from my parents. Not that they werent there but I wasnt interested in looking. Honest the positive attitude is the key. It will also make you appear less needy and more attractive to the ex along with drawing other choices. If she is the one she will come. Cant make her and cant feel bad because she is not making a good choice. If she waits too long you will move on and its her problem and she will think about you alone at night while ur happy with yourself.
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Old 9th November 2010, 10:17 PM   #13
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Once again thank you. And once again this is hard to hear not gonna lie, but i know its most likely true. I'm going to try and get out there and do things until she is ready to at least talk. She will always be family to me, we share something that is unique and that i will never experience with anyone else ever, and for that i will never forget her. Something bad that happened that created a strong bond between us. I'm just going to take your advice and everyone else's and see what happens and hope that she will be ready later in life. And if not she will always be family.

Besides that you give great advice, and its really helping me relax and step back to think about this situation. Considering you have a lot of experience in life in general i suppose i should listen to you lol. And like my dad always says, experience is everything and you don't understand at a young age. Do you have children? If you don't mind me asking.
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Old 12th November 2010, 12:18 PM   #14
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Yes I have a son who is a sophmore in college and a daughter who is a junior in HS.

Just a bit of backround here. Every woman I have been close to always thinks about their first love. Or the good guy they had when they were younger. All of them had at some point tried to get back in contact with him after they had gotten a little experience with guys behind them. All had discovered that their good guys had moved on and were happily in a relationship, much to the girls dissappointment. You see your girl doesent know what she doesent know. She has to learn as do you. If you want her to keep you on her radar then make a life for yourself that she would want to be in. Ive seen so many guys who have crashed and burned over a girl and their life and future becomes a shambles. So when the girl looks them over later they think "God am I lucky to have dodged that bullet" and somebody else always looks better. If you really are sure she is the one then think of it as a war not just a single battle. Dont react to the need to get an instant feel good result. Now is the time when you are charting a course for what your life will be. Enjoy because (an old guy saying that youve heard a million times before) As you get older and take on responsibilities you wont have the freedom to do some of those things and create lifelong friendships like you do now. You can focus on school and ease into a career. Make a life party that she will want you to invite her to. Cause even though you dont think so, she is and will in the near future think about you and probably want to come to your party if its a good one. You have the advantage of history and her affection. Use it to your advantage. You are only in the first quarter man. There are 3 more untill the game is over. In the meantime You need to look at the real situation that even if she dates, gets in a relationship etc its all part of her growing and she will always be comparing them to you. I promise you its a fact. Know that she will want to come around to double check to see if youre what she remembers. Get out of the negative thought process and know that it will happen. So during that time you have a chance to have alot of fun, enjoy life and lay the groundwork for a great future... knowing that no one else can come close to being to her what you are. She just hasent been around enough to see that. But she will if you dont fold and head off in a negative direction. Hedge your bets and become that person who is happy with their life and has a great future... by 3rd qtr she will want to be on your team. Trust me. Seen it happen more times than I care to admit. In the meantime you never know what else may come your way. Which will make you even more desirable to her. A little jelousy is not a bad thing. I wish was told then what Im telling you now. lol.
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Old 14th November 2010, 4:54 PM   #15
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Seriously once again thank you, i can say that your posts have helped me more than anything besides talking to my best friend who just went through the same thing about 4 or 5 months earlier.

Your posts give me a lot of hope for the future that maybe some how it will work out. And that's what i want. The thing that is killing me is the NC and she doesn't want any at all. I contacted her about our plans for hanging out for thanksgiving and she got immediately pissed and told me that we weren't talking and aren't friends right now. She is being really weird about it, and i see now we probably won;t talk to me for many months, she wants to get completely over me. Plus she is talking to her "best friend" all the time and even parties with him. I dont know what to do, it would even be better if she just talked to me a little bit, but nothing at all. Your posts give me a lot of hope but then i look at all the other posts on here and it doesn't look good at all. Im just confused, and its been 2 weeks.
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