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I asked this girl on a date and I didn't only get rejected, I lost my best friend


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Kain Highwind

Ok, I've had a crush on my friend for a while. Over the summer, we've been hanging out more and more and she slowly became like my best friend. I enjoyed spending time with her and while I had a small crush before, it went away but it just came back when it seemed like she had feelings for me too.

 

I called her Friday night but she didn't answer. She texted me back Saturday morning saying that she was sorry for not answering because she was on a date. I was like "oh, k" and decided to make a move and ask her on a date. She said no, big deal, but since I asked her on one like four months ago, she basically told me that we had to talk

 

She said we shouldn't talk anymore because she just wants to be friends and I want more. I told her that I was OK with that because she was my best friend and I didn't want our friendship to be ruined over something like this. She said it sounded like I wasn't listening to her (because I asked a long time ago) and that was making her mad.

 

She said we may be friends again if we give each other some alone times. Should I believe that? If I knew this would have happened, I wouldn't have done it. She's always been there for me to talk to if I was upset, we've always had a good time together, we've been really good friends and I don't even have that anymore...

 

I know I'm gonna see her one more time. She was working on a painting for me and she got me a birthday present that she has to give me (She told me yesterday), but I'm afraid I'll never see or talk to her again after that... How can I get my friend back? I don't even care about a relationship now...

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chocolate_boy
Ok, I've had a crush on my friend for a while. Over the summer, we've been hanging out more and more and she slowly became like my best friend. I enjoyed spending time with her and while I had a small crush before, it went away but it just came back when it seemed like she had feelings for me too.

 

I called her Friday night but she didn't answer. She texted me back Saturday morning saying that she was sorry for not answering because she was on a date. I was like "oh, k" and decided to make a move and ask her on a date. She said no, big deal, but since I asked her on one like four months ago, she basically told me that we had to talk

 

She said we shouldn't talk anymore because she just wants to be friends and I want more. I told her that I was OK with that because she was my best friend and I didn't want our friendship to be ruined over something like this. She said it sounded like I wasn't listening to her (because I asked a long time ago) and that was making her mad.

 

She said we may be friends again if we give each other some alone times. Should I believe that? If I knew this would have happened, I wouldn't have done it. She's always been there for me to talk to if I was upset, we've always had a good time together, we've been really good friends and I don't even have that anymore...

 

I know I'm gonna see her one more time. She was working on a painting for me and she got me a birthday present that she has to give me (She told me yesterday), but I'm afraid I'll never see or talk to her again after that... How can I get my friend back? I don't even care about a relationship now...

 

I know it's hard to realise it now, but she actually did you a favor. She knows you want more than just friendship from her, and if you're honest with yourself, you will admit that you do too.

 

It's really hard and hurtful to "just be friends" with someone you're romantically interested in. Hence the reason why most ex-lovers do not speak/share information for a while until they're both moved on totally, even though you were not involved with her physically, emotionally you are, you need time/space to get over her, like she says, maybe one day in the future you can be.

 

I'd go NC and start from today.

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Kain Highwind
I know it's hard to realise it now, but she actually did you a favor. She knows you want more than just friendship from her, and if you're honest with yourself, you will admit that you do too.

 

It's really hard and hurtful to "just be friends" with someone you're romantically interested in. Hence the reason why most ex-lovers do not speak/share information for a while until they're both moved on totally, even though you were not involved with her physically, emotionally you are, you need time/space to get over her, like she says, maybe one day in the future you can be.

 

I'd go NC and start from today.

What's NC?

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Kain Highwind

Ok, I know what NC is now but for how long? I was thinking like three weeks or a month? Or just until she gives me that painting and go from there?

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chocolate_boy
I'm ready for that right now >_>

 

She wasn't the only girl I have feelings for

 

Seems she's not comfortable/believes you though, you can't change the way she feels, only yourself.

 

I wonder why you're posting on this love forum though if you really have no romantic interest and are happy with friendship?

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Kain Highwind

I did have a romantic interest but since that's not gonna happen and since we were friends before, I wanna keep at least that

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I know it's hard to realise it now, but she actually did you a favor.

 

Yeah, Many girls would have used this opportunity to feed you false hope and have you hanging around. She was actually really mature and un-selfish about this.

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Kain Highwind
Yeah, Many girls would have used this opportunity to feed you false hope and have you hanging around. She was actually really mature and un-selfish about this.

So... You think that leaves me with good hopes of being friends again?

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chocolate_boy
So... You think that leaves me with good hopes of being friends again?

 

Hopefully one day, not now though, you need to leave her alone.

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Kain Highwind
Hopefully one day, not now though, you need to leave her alone.

Do you think a month may be long enough time? I mean, we were talking like every day )or every other)

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chocolate_boy
Do you think a month may be long enough time? I mean, we were talking like every day )or every other)

 

Might be a month, a year, a decade, never, who knows. Just vanish, go NC, if she wants anything from you, she knows how to get hold of you, don't contact her.

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Kain Highwind
Might be a month, a year, a decade, never, who knows. Just vanish, go NC, if she wants anything from you, she knows how to get hold of you, don't contact her.

Well I already know she has to get back with me because she's painting me a picture and she still wants to give it to me (That wa sin the last text she sent) and that'll probably be like a month

 

We have to talk then... I may bring up being friends then

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chocolate_boy
Well I already know she has to get back with me because she's painting me a picture and she still wants to give it to me (That wa sin the last text she sent) and that'll probably be like a month

 

We have to talk then... I may bring up being friends then

 

You can insist you're happy just being friends, but seriously you wouldn't be so bothered if this was the case. You need time to get over her, she needs time too. Wait 'til she gets in touch, don't initiate any contact.

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Kain Highwind
You can insist you're happy just being friends, but seriously you wouldn't be so bothered if this was the case. You need time to get over her, she needs time too. Wait 'til she gets in touch, don't initiate any contact.

True, but the main reason I'm bothered is because she actually was my best friend that I just happened to get feelings for lol

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chocolate_boy
Yeah, Many girls would have used this opportunity to feed you false hope and have you hanging around. She was actually really mature and un-selfish about this.

 

Yup, I can't count on my fingers the amount of girls I've had stringing me on after breakups over the years, it destroys you more than you'd ever know.

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chocolate_boy
True, but the main reason I'm bothered is because she actually was my best friend that I just happened to get feelings for lol

 

Read my words: You cannot be friends with someone you have feelings for

 

Simple as.

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Kain Highwind
Read my words: You cannot be friends with someone you have feelings for

 

Simple as.

I managed to stay friends with this girl throughout high school that I had a huge crush on and she didn't mind. I moved on and we're still friends :/

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chocolate_boy
I managed to stay friends with this girl throughout high school that I had a huge crush on and she didn't mind. I moved on and we're still friends :/

 

Why set yourself up for the pain of being her "gay best friend" while you watch her kissing other guys etc. It's a sure-fire way to drive you into depression. Either way she's made it clear, you need to respect her wishes or you'll just push her further away.

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Kain Highwind
Why set yourself up for the pain of being her "gay best friend" while you watch her kissing other guys etc. It's a sure-fire way to drive you into depression. Either way she's made it clear, you need to respect her wishes or you'll just push her further away.

Its worked for me and other girls before. Sure, it sort of hurt at first, but we just became really good friends and soon it didn't bother me at all. I moved on but I was still able to be around them and enjoy our time together

 

I'm respecting her wishes, I'm giving her time away from me and I sent her a message earlier on FB apologizing for how dramatic I was yesterday (since I was) and basically admitting that she was right about the time and that I agree and I support her decision.

 

I'm just hoping that we can be friends again

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Kain Highwind

She got back to me

 

"its cool and thanks for understanding. im not rly upset nemore but i so still feel tht the time to ourselves will still do rly well for the both of us. i worked on ur painting and its goin well jus so u kno."

 

Good?

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Kain Highwind

And just wondering, its a long shot, but is it possible that she just reacted so harshly because of her period?

 

I can't think of a reason for her to actually be angry over this and she was apologetic today and she said that she wasn't upset anymore...

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I'm going to be honest with you: you are totally hung up on her. Her suggestion of space and the fact that she is doing a painting for you suggest she is willing to be your friend, but only that.

 

You need to take her up on the suggestion of getting some space or you will not even be her friend...if that's really okay to you... but from all your posts I think you still want more.

 

If you truely want to be her friend...then go NC until she contacts you for the birthday gift. Depending on how long you've had feelings for her this could take some time on your part.

 

But I would not go analyzing her unless you haven't told us everything here; otherwise you are heading torwards being rejected as a friend too!

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