Struggling a little to move on... !

[MTA111]

Hello,

 

I'm 21 and was going out with my 19 year old girlfriend for a year. We had a really good relationship & did pretty much everything together. We had a really nice holiday in Dominican Republic in June and things were going really well.

 

The only problem really was that she was due to start university in June and her uni was over an hour and a half away from where I lived.

 

This in itself wasn't a problem, but I always said that I wouldn't want a girlfriend at uni. a) Because I couldn't be bothered with the worry & inevitability of breaking up & b) because I think that while you're at uni you should be able to enjoy yourself without having to worry about your girlfriend/boyfriend back home.

 

About a month before she started university we hadn't seen all that much of each other, as she went away with her parents for 2 weeks & I was in Florida with mine.

 

During that time, I had been sent messages by a couple of other girls that i used to know, that turned pretty flirty & then more so.

 

I never had any intention of meeting any of these girls it was literally just to keep me entertained while my girlfriend away!

 

Anyway, she came back from her holiday & we saw each other for the first time in weeks which was really good.

 

The next weekend she was away visting family again & when she came back she was unexplainably distant with me.

 

I couldn't work out why & we decided to meet up on the friday night to talk.

 

The next day at work I had the wierdest feeling that she had been to my house & taken all her stuff. I couldn't explain it but I just had a sixth sense. Bare in midn this wouldn of been highly unlike her. But deep down something just told me something was up.

 

Anyway that night I walked into my house, and as i reached the top of the stairs to my bedroom, I could see that someone had indeed been in my room.

 

I opened the door & my girlfriend had logged into my email account, found the messages that I and these girls had sent, & had proceeded to print them out and leave them arranged on my bed with various insulting (but deserved notes).

 

As well as emptying my room of all her stuff.

 

I was absolutely gutted, I loved her to pieces & although sometimes I did feel a little claustrophobic with her (as she wanted to be close all the time & we rarely did anything separately) I genuinely loved spending time with her.

 

It sounds very cliche but she was much more than just my girlfriend, she was my best mate, so the realisation that I had just thrown something so important to me away, so stupidly really hit home, not least because she did it in a way worthy of an academy award!

 

I spoke to her on the phone later that night & she was really upset.

 

Unfortunately me and her mum don't see eye to eye shall we say, so i knew that it was be near impossible to get her back after she had gone home upset.

 

I pretty much accepted my fate. Apologised for hurting her, explained that although it really didn't look to good, that I genuinely would never of met these people & it was a silly mistake. But ultimately, I didn't really put up much of a fight for her as I accepted the fact it would be hard to come back from this.

 

A few days went past and she was texting me saying how upset she was & then called me on the Monday night (3 days later) really upset and saying she was heartbroken etc.

 

We had a nice conversation that night & she was practically begging to see me, but I said I couldn't as it would put me back to square one, in trying to get over her. I went to bed feeling fairly positive that maybe I would some how win her round.

 

Anyway after that night, I didn't contact her & she didn't contact me. A week passed, nothing, then it got to the day before she was due to go to uni. I sent her a text to wish her good luck for university and that I hoped she had a great time, nothing else. She sent me back a text with no emotion, just a pretty standard thanks.

 

Anyway over a month has passed now.

 

I am the first to admit I made a huge mistake & I've had to come to terms with that fact. However, I'm really gutted that I haven't heard from her again.

 

I know she loved me to bits, as I did her. But i'm really gutted at the prospect that we'll never talk again.

 

I won't say that I'm over her, because I'm not. I miss everything we had & just miss her being around. But to be fair I have been pretty strong up until this point. However, I can deal with not being with her.

 

What I really miss is my best friend. It makes it doubly hard when you lose your girlfriend & your best friend.

 

It's funny because if any of my friends saw me writing this, I'd never live it down. But that 's pretty much the problem I don't really have anyone I can talk to, about it.

 

I would give everything to be over this and forget she ever existed. I made a big mistake and I'll have to deal with that.

 

But the thought that I'd never speak to this girl again tears me up, but I do feel that it's now past the point that I could contact her without it looking like I want her back.

 

I don't even really need too much advice, I just need to some to talk to.

 

My mates are all pretty ladish, so when I've brought it up they just say stuff like "Have you not forgotten about that yet, it was ages ago".

 

Makes you laugh at first, but obviously doesn't make you feel mr.confident about bringing it up again.

 

Anyway, obviously in alot of hurt at the moment. Resenting myself, regretting not taking her up on her offer to meet up after we broke up, and seriously missing someone i cared alot about.

 

Also I always find it hard to grasp that girls seem to have this incredible ability to just turn feelings off for someone.

 

It always amazes me how the girl is initially the most upset, but after a few days has passed she seems to be fine and it's the guy who's in tatters!

 

I really feel forgotten about. Find it hard that she's made no attempt to contact me, especially when she just started uni. And although the excitement of being somewhere new probably helped her at first, after normality sets in surely she would begin to think about me again & miss what we had?

 

Maybe not, I'm not a girl & won't pretend for a second that I understand any of them.

 

I'm just always very surprised at how quickly they can turn off their feeling for someone & never look back.

 

Anyway as I've said, i deserved it, I broke her trust, I do miss her to bits though!

 

Any advice, comments etc would be greatly appreciated.

 

Cheers,

 

MTA