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NC and Facebook


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5 month ago my gf broke up with me. we were together for 6 years.

To make the story short on the reasons why she decided to break up , i was in a silent depression for 10 month before the break up and

after having discovered that one of my parent had alzeihmer.

This was a shock for me.

In the same time my business started shaking because of lack of motivation, perseverence and the economic turmoil we are in.

I finally went on bankrupcy which i considered as a big failure in my life and i lost self confidence and self esteem.

All this tough time, she couldn't cope with it which i do understand perfectly and i have never blamed her for that.

 

After the break up there were series of NC of 3 weeks .

The first time, I broke it for getting my stuff out of her place and I used it to tell her that i love her so much and that i have changed and i could wait for her a year until i clear my mess (bad move i know , but you can't be rational on those moments).

 

The second time, I sent her flowers after she had a clinical intervention, i felt i owed her this after the time we spent together (she liked it).

 

Then, i spent days thinking if i had to send her my wishes for her birthday... Friends advised me to do it but i was a bit reluctant coz i was NC and it was still hurting.

 

Anyway, on her birth day she added me to her network on facebook and it took me 5 days to accept it because i am not keen on being friend with my exes and also i found it pretty invasive in my privacy especially in a time when i want to heal.

 

Again, some friends asked me to accept it and take things smoothly, in order to keep the communication lines open with her.

 

From that time it was hell for some weeks , i couldn't stop checking her FB , whenever she makes friend with a guy i thought it was her rebound or date.

FB was a serious mind killer.

 

After this we met once, haven't talked about the past , she updated me with things in her family life and told me indirectly she was not seing anyone.

we agreed to see each other in 2 weeks time which we did. This time the situation was a bit different,

i told her that if by adding me on FB she want to be friend i couldn't accept that. She kept silent.

Then we went for dinner which was nice , we talked about everything , she asked me if i dropped smoking (she hates it) which i did

and i am not planning to get back to it.

We went for walk , and then she drove me back ... while i was saying goodbye she told me if i don't want to be her friend and

if it hurts me to see her FB account I can go and remove her.

In that moment i felt like my world was shaking so i asked to go to her place and talk about it.

I lost it! I did the same mistake again and pledged that i have changed, understood my mistakes and that i will never be in the same situation again

but she kept silent. and her face showed no emotions except for telling me

that she didn't feel anything for me that love broke and she doesn't trust me anymore to have kids with me because how i was during my depression.

Tough things to hear but i ignored them...

 

We spent the night at her place , same bed , no sex, except a kiss without commitment and hugs mostly comming from my side.

i noticed that everything i left was still in the same place.

In the morning she drove me back home on her way to work and proposed to have dinner on the same day , which we did.

it was again nice , she was happy that i had a new job. she drove me home, we kissed and i told her that

if she want to contact me better use phone/mail/text coz i will stop using FB.

she got very defensive and asked me if I planned to remove her.

which i replied "no but i won't have time for it because of my new job".

 

As of today , i haven't removed her from my facebook, i have hidden her status update/notification on my wall and i have committed myself to not

contact her neither check her FB account. so far i am sticking on it.

I am carrying on with my life, doing a lot of sport, meeting new people although not looking for dates. I am not over her yet and i miss her a lot.

I love her and i want to get her back but i don't know how ...

 

Any opinions? thoughts ?

 

Thanks for reading this....

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You are 5 months in from recovering from a 6 year relationship. This is going to take a lot of time- forward progress and then sliding back. What's so awful about a break up is the time you spent together flew by so fast & the healing from the break up part goes so slow.

 

Try to put all your energy into yourself and in dealing with your depression, your job, your social life etc. Any time you want to shower love on your ex, shower it on yourself instead.

 

I think you are handling the situation pretty well under the circumstances. I had to go NC with my most serious ex. But that was easier because I moved away after the break up.

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That is what i am thinking it is going to be slow as part of me doesn't want to move on yet. I am already improving my self confidence and self esteem and working on myself on various level.

But since she's on LC and iam in love with her, i don't want to give up...

So, i don't know how to make the transition to show her i am different now without sounding needy...

I don't want to push her as she will pull back.

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