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how mine ended


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heart_stumble

Hi!I'm new to LS, been browsing around the forums for a while and now I've finally decided to share my story.

 

We're from different countries and had been together for 3 yrs, through our ups and downs being there for each other. Knowing our different faiths would be an issue if we went long term I brought it up initially but it was brushed aside by "we'll run away and live together".(my folly was to believe this) With time we fell in love (her first, me later on). Got engaged in our 2nd year, which I wasn't completely ready for..but blindly led by emotions agreed to just before I left for my home country for a month. During our 3rd year I fell more deeply in love with her, more than ever before. So much that I saw no other future but us.

 

Her parents found out about us and how serious the relationship was, met them a couple of times and thats when I was faced with the question, "if you wanna be with me you must convert" Leading up to this she become closer to her faith, and began teaching me some greetings used in her faith. But I was not ready to make that change, I felt she pressured me even though I denied it to her sometimes when she asked. After deep thoughts and soul searching even took a step further to see leaders of her faith. But one thing that remained in my heart is that I did not believe in her faith.

 

I went to my home country, a confused mind, then about 4 months into LDR I found out through facebook she was seeing someone else. Questioned her about it then she admitted she'd been been friends with him soon after I left then that led to going out. I was pissed off asked for a separation to figure things out. Painfully I decided to let her go but feelings were still there.During this time I also decided i couldn't change faith for her coz I felt i'd lie to myself and her and this would probably really screw things up if we got married. I thought she has a new guy so this would die away and we'd probably be friends later...but later on she sent me a message saying how she loved me and all, I still having deep feelings for her replied I still loved her...doh*

 

A week after that I felt that she was still going out with that guy and coz of my decision not to change faith decided to send her a message. Asked her not to text me about her feelings for me to let me go and that I was moving on(which I was) then. She apologized in her reply asked me if I found someone else, so we chatted via instant messenger where I told her I was still single. Found out she still had hopes of "us" so I told her the truth about my decision not to change faith for her and why and told her I was sorry. She said some very hurtful things after I said that, I restrained myself from replying in anger because I knew I would have said some regrettable things.

 

Soon after we were done chatting she updated her fbook status and some of the same hurtful things were on that post, not directly being said to me but everyone knew who the subject was. I was really effn pissed off that night!She changed her profile pic to one of her and new bf plus relationship status. I had no problem with that, but the fact that she went after my reputation, I felt was so uncalled for. Took me on a guilt trip for 2 nights...We texted each other decided i'd be returning some stuff that belongs to her and we'd be ending everything between us. Clearly done already i thought to myself. She pulled off her status message(after a troll of comments) or blocked me from seeing it a few days later(dunno). I never commented or took part in the comment troll or retaliate the fbook war.

 

So its been NC for about 1 week, during which I've been fighting urges to unleash my anger on her. But now i'm moving slowly past that anger phase and slowly forgiving but I know i'll never forget the words she said. Still have the anger and emotions but hanging out with friends, sharing my feelings, getting busy et al makes dealing with it easier. Makes me happy actually. Still have thoughts of her , look at our pics...been trying to avoid fbook alot coz I sometimes can't resist the urge to check her profile. Felt jaded part of last night hanging out with friends...but with each day I feel i'm moving closer to finding happiness...and acceptance that we will never be together.

 

I'll be travelling again to her country in a couple of months to return stuff and pick up my stuff (why not agree to send it, well I got the ticket before we broke up) while i'm there i'll be visiting other colleagues, if I see her made up my mind that I'll not bring up our past and only wish her well in her future...because by then I think(hope) that i'll have found closure and acceptance.

 

Sigh... :(

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edgeofdarkness

i guess she is moslim, yeah, forget trying to date a gurl in that religion, especially if ties are strong, moslims see everyone as a moslim, it doesnt matter if u really are not, but u will have to be if u want to date/marry someone from that faith.

 

Islam is the only faith i know that makes conversion an absolute have to convert proviso.

let it go, becos she is driven by a culture that is thousands of years old, u dont change that kinda thinking overnight, its not all her fault.

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heart_stumble
i guess she is moslim, yeah, forget trying to date a gurl in that religion, especially if ties are strong, moslims see everyone as a moslim, it doesnt matter if u really are not, but u will have to be if u want to date/marry someone from that faith.

 

Islam is the only faith i know that makes conversion an absolute have to convert proviso.

let it go, becos she is driven by a culture that is thousands of years old, u dont change that kinda thinking overnight, its not all her fault.

 

Yeah learnt my lesson the hard way. First and last time I cross that bridge. Thanks for your words. Also the link to NC guidelines was very helpful.

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heart_stumble

Second week of NC, I must say the healing is in heaps and bounds. Faster than I actually expected, but I know I'm still vulnerable so I'm keeping it up. I got into a workout routine which is helping a lot, being around friends and family is helping me feel happier each day. And pretty soon I may have to help a close friend go through the the same. I'll try regularly updating my road to recovery here.

 

Someone say blitzkrieg. Not my win, I never intended to fight.

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