Half Full of Empty Posted August 11, 2003 Share Posted August 11, 2003 In another thread, "Can 13yrs be saved when she 'falls out of love,'" this issue came up and I thought it might deserve its own thread. (If not, a moderator may feel free to move or delete it if deemed inappropriate here) In a situation where he or she has requested space and “no contact” for awhile, what are the group’s thoughts on using an intermediary to pass along info? As I indicated in my other post, she and I have one very close friend who has continued to act as a sorta "go-between" but I can't help but feel that he tells her everything and me very little in return and that, ultimately, her comfort level is all that is being helped. I know that she continually has asked for updates and when I cannot be located, on occasion, has asked him to try and track me down in the name of "I'm just worried about him." Do you think it just empowering the one who broke up, as I suggested. Is it better to be mysterious and clandestine with the idea that their curiosity will lead them back to you. (Especially if the little amount of news they do get sounds like your doing okay) Or, alternatively, is it better to feed a more regular stream of news and status updates (especially if the updates convey growth, understanding and a continued commitment to the relationship…however without any pressure) Thanks in advance for your opinions Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 11, 2003 Share Posted August 11, 2003 First of all, this needing space thing is a bunch of crap. But if the two parties aren't mature enough to give each other a call once in a while during a separation, they aren't nearly ready for dating. Having a go-between is just plain nuts...unless two countries are negotiating in the middle of a war. Two people who deeply care about each other don't need space. They work out their problems in the context of their togetherness and give each other the necessary room to grow and be themselves within the relationship. This go-between thing is a bunch of crap and I wouldn't buy it for a second. It's an elementary school thing. Give it up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Half Full of Empty Posted August 12, 2003 Author Share Posted August 12, 2003 Tony, Thanks for the "response." It sounds a lot like the advice you gave previously in the other related, but diffierent, thread. This nonanswer aside (don't get me wrong...I do value your opinion and understand your position re: separation=death, generally speaking), I am still curious what others think of the specific questions I have raised on this specific topic. Thanks in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
Tree Posted August 12, 2003 Share Posted August 12, 2003 Hey half-full. I think your post is really about how to get your GF back, and then is specifically asking whether the "go-between" will help or hurt. It is a strategy, like any other, that seems unlikely to have any effect what so ever. Well, I don't have any personal experience with this myself so I can't say whether it worked or not. But it 'seems' ineffectual. Maybe your thoughts here are an indication that you are still looking for ways to get back together. And since other things did not work, you are looking into a new strategy. Just a wild idea, but sometimes the most alluring thing about men to women (and vice versa) is their self-confidence, strength, interest and ability to relate to the other in positive and reassuring ways. I am currently going through a rough time with long-term live-in BF and I am the one who is considering moving out. The reason why I am seriously reconsidering my plan (heartbreak) of going to good law school this fall is bc of his being receptive, responsive, committed and caring to me. Well, plus deep down we both really want things to work out, we just haven't yet figured out how to make it work. I guess in the end, "tricks" to get someone back don't work. What gets someone back is a mutual desire to be with that person and a belief that they can meet your needs. If either one of us had not wanted to pursue the relationship, or if either one of us decides that further exploration for solutions is futile, then further contact may simply seal the deal. Focus on making yourself a stronger, more appealing person yourself. That is the biggest aphrodesiac and attraction-getter. - see my posting in general discussion Priority: Career or Love Link to post Share on other sites
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