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A Chance For Friendship?


TheUnthoughtKnown

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TheUnthoughtKnown

Okay, cliched, I know! But lets get down to it; after all the bullsh*t, and the anger and the hatred that seems to pass so unequivocally between two people after a breakup, doesn't it make sense to be friends with an ex at the end up? I mean after all, there had to be something there to begin with otherwise you wouldn't have fallen in love, right? So why throw that away completely? It may just be a romantic notion, but I love the idea of hanging around with a girl who knows me intimately, the way that no one else does, you know? I mean, I hate my ex right now and have thought to myself several times that if she were on fire and I had the immediate need to urinate, I would still be standing there, jumping up down on the spot in discomfort watching her burn. But 2 things came to my mind:

 

1: I have another ex who is now one of my best friends and she has helped me deal with my break up A LOT in the last few months, and nothing has happened between us. Because we ended mutually, since we had other things going on in our lives and neither of us were really in a place to commit very seriously, we have maintained a deep respect for each other and often text, call and hang out with each other, always keepin up to date etc. We even have said the big L word to each other a few times, as friends! Its so refeshing to have that! And I want that with my current Ex one day...Except she ripped my beating heart directly from chest and set it alight whilst laughing maniacally...

 

2: I was watching some cheesy romcom (with a female btw, not alone) and I realised that the rapport the two leads had was EXACTLY the same as I had with my ex and I so badly miss that rapport. It was a constant delight even sharing a phonecall with that woman. Every moment was funny as hell. So what if I tried to be friends?

 

I know, I know. I can hear the screams now: YOU ARE STILL IN LOVE! Yes, maybe so but...in time, I could get over it? Whilst still her friend? What'd you think?

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I am not friends with my ex's. I am on good terms with all but one, currently two- who knows where that will go, it's new.

 

Good terms does not mean friends in any real sense.

 

Here's why they are not friends:

 

I do not discuss my current sex life with my ex's

I do not discuss or psychoanalyse my currents with my ex's

I do not want to sleep with my ex's, but I do know what they are like sexually

I am not in love with my ex's, but I love them as a reflection of a phase of my life

 

All of them I spent a good deal of time not in contact with them. With wounds healed they are still not my friends, they are ex's which is a special place, but also not really a friend.

 

If I keep my ex's around like Man Pets I must thoroughly accept that almost no-one will want to stay with me. I too would not stay with some guy who will psychoanalyse me with some girl who used to bl*w him.

 

I can have low self esteem- it ain't that low.

 

To give you a parallel: My Mom is not my friend either, she is my Mom. I do not discuss many things with her, because she is my Mom. I love her, I respect her, we are on good terms (mostly) but still 100% friends- no way. I am not discussing some stuff with my Mom. Thank god!

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TheUnthoughtKnown
I am not friends with my ex's. I am on good terms with all but one, currently two- who knows where that will go, it's new.

 

Good terms does not mean friends in any real sense.

 

Here's why they are not friends:

 

I do not discuss my current sex life with my ex's

I do not discuss or psychoanalyse my currents with my ex's

I do not want to sleep with my ex's, but I do know what they are like sexually

I am not in love with my ex's, but I love them as a reflection of a phase of my life

 

All of them I spent a good deal of time not in contact with them. With wounds healed they are still not my friends, they are ex's which is a special place, but also not really a friend.

 

If I keep my ex's around like Man Pets I must thoroughly accept that almost no-one will want to stay with me. I too would not stay with some guy who will psychoanalyse me with some girl who used to bl*w him.

 

I can have low self esteem- it ain't that low.

 

To give you a parallel: My Mom is not my friend either, she is my Mom. I do not discuss many things with her, because she is my Mom. I love her, I respect her, we are on good terms (mostly) but still 100% friends- no way. I am not discussing some stuff with my Mom. Thank god!

 

I'm actually friends with both my parents. And I have talked to them both about my break up. In fact, I remember once having a drink with my mum and my sister and all three of us discussed my break up. I'm just a very open person that way. I also don't believe the "Man Pet" thing, at all. If I was with a girl for sex or something similarly shallow then, sure, keeping them around would be pretty harsh and cold. However, I think when two people get on so well there should be no real need to forever end contact, even if break ups do happen. We were friends before we were lovers, so why should we never speak again? If, or once, I get over it, why shouldn't I contact her and try and resume the friendship we had before romance became an issue?

 

Lastly, I psychoanalyse anyway, be it with friends or exs. I think if I treated an ex just as "a girl who used to blow me" then I wouldn't have valued her in the first place, and would be really unlikely to want to be with her. My exs meant a lot to me at one time, and I would forever like to keep them as a part of my life, because there's always the possibility our friendship can continue without the pressure of sex, and maybe that friendship will do something for me that I had never expected it to, like another ex of mine helping me cope with this current break up. If I didn't have her, I'd have been pretty helpless.

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That's great.

My experience has been that I could not move into real friendship, but definitely an amicable later relationship with my exes after a good year or more off.

As far as my Mom goes, I tell her a great deal of stuff, I do not, however discuss past drug use/hanging in bad neighbourhoods or specifics of my sex life. That too works for us, as I don't want the visual of her sex life.

 

Regarding your situation. No, I would not date you in any serious manner with the ex situation. Nor would my friends. I am, however, older than you. Things that work in one's twenties do not mean the same thing in one's 30's/ 40's.

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