Let me whine....

[DontWorryBHappy]

I need to just have a whine-fest right now. I miss my stupid ex, basically... Ok, I'll put out a little backstory.

 

My ex and I were together for only about a month and a half. We had an incredible amount of physical chemistry, the same personality type, and we really got along well in general. I was truly falling for him over the course of that time and he seemed to be doing the same (he was always so interested and doting, etc). I always noticed that he took his studies very seriously, which is something I both admired and encouraged. The relationship was not 100% perfect but any problems were pretty minor and it was clear that the overall fact of how much we liked each other overrode anything else.

 

Then, quite literally out of the blue he decided to end the relationship. His reason was that he realized he didn't have time to pursue a relationship alongside school, since mechanical engineering is a very demanding major (this was despite the fact that I gave me tons of space during the relationship). He emphasized how much he liked me and said that if/when he's ready to date, I would be the girl he'd ask out. Well.... I took the break up quite well and said goodbye.. which led to him panicking and wanting me back the very next day. I told him he needs to figure himself out and not be in a relationship with me right now, and that any communication between us should be for the purpose of getting to know each other again. After that, he again changed his mind and decided he shouldn't date right now at all.

 

He continued talking to me and was obviously still very much into me... wanted to video chat with me all the time and chat online, daily texts, etc. Finally he invited me to watch him play soccer, which somehow turned into going to the movies... which turned into us kissing while I waited for my bus. After that I decided I couldnt keep this going and told him I could not be his friend because there are too many feelings there (obviously on both sides) and told him to only contact me if he decides to be serious (but made sure to say I will not wait for him). He sent me a text a couple days later informing me that his birthday was the next day (i knew this already but wasnt planning to say anything)... then he sent another text after I didnt say a word to him on his actual birthday. In a moment of frustration I responded (although pretty politely) to his second text. That was yesterday and have heard nothing more today.

 

I have to believe that I made the right decision about cutting contact. I just wish I didn't miss him as much as I do. Tonight is a weak moment..... I've felt the urge to reach out and ask him why things had to end this way when we had been happy together? I was opening my heart slowly to him and starting to trust him and he just up and ended it. It's almost worse knowing that he still likes me... It's like, he likes me enough to keep wanting to talk, take me out, kiss me, etc etc.... yet cant be in a relationship with me again. Obviously I'm taking the only position I can ultimately take.. which is all or nothing. Him and I were not friends before dating so I'm pretty sure it's impossible to be just friends now.

 

In truth, I'm not sure what point I'm trying to make in this post. I'm having a weak night concerning this and just trying to vent it out.

Edited August 4, 2010 by DontWorryBHappy

[Beeotch]

You're not weak. You're being normal.

 

The things we know we need to do are not always easy and often require courage, they are hard but in the end work out for the best.

 

 

It is okay to miss him and acknowledge it but you sound like a smart chick and you know that for now being together wouldn't be the best thing, neither is hanging out together like you are when you aren't....so stay strong in your decision, it gets better!

[Don Ho]

Hey Happy. I'm in a very similar situation. I don't think you're weak nor venting, just trying to come to terms with what happened. Yes, it's all very confusing. When my gal bailed out over a conflict I was totally shocked. We got along great and I didn't understand what happened. I just went NC. It's been a couple of weeks. I still ask all the questions that you're probably asking yourself. But I'll be damned if I give in, contact her and give away my pride and dignity. For what ever reason, it didn't work out with the two of you. My advice would be to go NC don't respond to him and move on. Each day you do that you will feel better and better. There's lots of great guys out there. Like I heard on a movie the other nite: "there's always another bus coming right around the corner"

[DontWorryBHappy]

Thank you.... just doesn't make any ****ing sense to me. Why things have to fall apart. I've lost faith in these "relationships". I mean hell, as if the next person I meet will really go the distance with me.. It makes me wonder how my mom can get over a 15 year marriage when I'm feeling bad about a 1 1/2 month long relationship... And I mean, sometimes I just MISS HIM, you know what I mean? I miss the little things like the way he laughed, playing video games together, holding hands when we walked up to the gas station to buy gatorade... That's the horrible thing about trying to remain friends. You're still getting a taste of those little things about the person that you'd miss... but if they don't want to take it back to the level of a relationship then the whole thing is just gradually getting more messed up. But at the same time, I just want to shake him, I want to sign into my instant messenger right now and go, "don't you realize that you really meant something to me?".. but you know, I think he knows that already. I made sure to let him know that he meant a lot to me so that I wouldn't regret not doing so later.

 

Thanks for the replies... I know I need to stand firm and keep going, and it will get easier. This is like the withdrawal period when you stop smoking (not that I've ever smoked) but you know what I mean. Every time I have to urge to talkto him I just repeat to myself "It's a dead end".... which is true. Because if I talk to him then what? More of this "friendship"? Ya, that's just not working... Moving along.

[GrayClouds]

Thank you.... just doesn't make any ****ing sense to me. Why things have to fall apart.

 

Because he got board after the newness of the sex past. What can you do next time help determine if someone is the type who is interested in more then a few fun rolls in the hay?