When to stop hoping and accept the situation?

[Layla24]

I am completely in love with a guy who rocked my world for a year. He always put me first and treated me like an absolute princess with love and affection. He broke it off 2 weeks ago stating he does not love me anymore. Our relationship was having its up and downs but I believed we would talk it through and always be there for each other. He also said he wasnt getting what he needed out of our relationship... security being one of them and didnt feel I loved him enough. I just cant get my head around it. I love him more than life. I havent stopped crying, nearly lost my job and do not know how to pick myself back up. He has moved out and is being really strong about it. He said he needs time alone and hopes we can be best friends one day - this is not what I want. I need advice desperately!! I want him back and dont know what to do! PLEASE HELP. Do I let him go or when will the hope stop?

[ADF]

You know what? I don't think your ex-BF is telling you everything.

 

I don't know him, so I don't know what the whole truth is. But I'd bet any amount of money you haven't heard it yet.

 

Whenever someone dumps you out of the blue, you can count on one thing: the out-of-the-blue part is on your end only. The reasons he gave you sound too generic to be credible. "I'm not getting getting what I need," "You don't love me enough"--blah, blah, blah . Those don't sound like real reasons. That just sounds like the kind of white noise people throw at you when they don't want to tell you what is really going on.

 

Again, I don't know this man. I don't know what the truth is. But if someone put a gun to my head and made me guess, I'd bet there was another woman involved.

[Odyssey]

For a lot of people what the ex says when they dump you is complete BS anyway. All words do after a breakup is give false hope, I know first hand never listen to words a ex says unless there is actions to back it up.

 

There generally isn't one thing that was done to cause a split. People tend to share things with people they want to keep around, not use against them later. Saying 'I don't like it when you do this, and i'm hoping we can find out a way to do something else because I like being with you' usually works.

 

What happens is that people don't mention these things at all until they dump you, because they don't WANT to fix them, they just want to dump you. If there was an issue that was fixable, people would approach you and try and fix it. When you're on your way out, nothing you can do is any good, anyway.

 

Look OP, you have gotta think about one thing - that's YOU. I know it's damn hard, but gotta take the focus off him! If he truly love you, he wouldn't have dumped you in the first place. simple as that. Do whatever you feel will let you vent any stress you feel, talking to people about it is usually the best way to get it all out and if you feel like you need to cry then do so.

 

No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends. You'll find many friends here i'm sure

 

Be strong...

[WintersNightTraveler]

Well the OP isn't telling everything either. Layla, why did he feel he had no security and what were the "downs" in "ups and downs"?

 

Depending on those answers, there might not be any need for a sinister explanation involving other women. This is also relevant to whether it's time to stop hoping...

[skydiveaddict]

Layla, I know how much you are hurting right now. But you need to put him completely out of your life. Dont allow any contact with him. The only way to get him back is if he wants you back. You need to show him that you're ok on your own by having no contact w/him.

 

You need to keep your friends close to you and stay busy and exercise (very important). I know these things seem impossible to do right now, but force yourself to do them. You will get over this guy, it's gonna take some time though. Hang in there

[cyanide_catharsis]

layla,

i'm pretty new to this relationship stuff, but it sounds like you're in the same situation as me. i can relate to every single thing that you said that you are feeling right now. the only words of hope i can give, unfortunately, are that there are people going through the same thing. and so many people in the past have gone through this too, and they have been OK. at least that's what i tell myself to help me get through the extremely tough times.

 

i know talking to people helps, so feel free to shoot me an e-mail sometime, [email protected]

 

i would be glad to chat with you, i feel it would be mutually beneficial!

[S.Tee]

Layla,

 

Probably to make you feel better, just analyze things that happened before the break-up. Had you done the best for him? Had he hinted on certain things that he dislike but you kept repeating? Had he been trying to get your attention but you just seems not bothered?

 

If you think that there was nothing wrong with you and he dumped you for no reason at all, then it is better to forget him for good. It should be clear that another woman might be the reason.

 

But if you rectified that you had annoyed him for any reason, then I would just say, it is time to find ways to correct things. Lets just face it, everybody has their own ways to express their dissapointment. Maybe his expression is way to cruel, but it does not necessary mean it is over for good.

 

Any ways, decision is yours. Think wisely when you are relaxed, do not get too emotional. Be strong....

[Ilovecake]

I would say the minute someone says I don't love you is the time to stop hoping. They will not fall back in love with you so your only choices are to either move on without them or try your damndest to regain a relationship with someone who doesn't love you and does not want to be with you. Personally I would take the first choice since the second choice can only result in more pain and rejection.

[Ilovecake]

Layla,

 

Probably to make you feel better, just analyze things that happened before the break-up. Had you done the best for him? Had he hinted on certain things that he dislike but you kept repeating? Had he been trying to get your attention but you just seems not bothered?

 

If you think that there was nothing wrong with you and he dumped you for no reason at all, then it is better to forget him for good. It should be clear that another woman might be the reason.

 

But if you rectified that you had annoyed him for any reason, then I would just say, it is time to find ways to correct things. Lets just face it, everybody has their own ways to express their dissapointment. Maybe his expression is way to cruel, but it does not necessary mean it is over for good.

 

Any ways, decision is yours. Think wisely when you are relaxed, do not get too emotional. Be strong....

 

I'm sorry but this is terrible advice that can really mess with your self esteem. Do not take this burden onto yourself and do not dwell on his motive. You did nothing wrong. This guy simply wanted out and the easiest thing to do is to blame the other person for their decision. Why he wanted out does not matter, the fact is he thought you two were not meant to be together. Somebody out there will love you for who you are, you do not need to change for other people. If he was having problems in the relationship that he thought were fixable he would have talked to you about it. I haven’t met a person yet who didn’t want to express their own needs. There are probably hundreds of little reasons why he didn’t want to stick it out but they’re his reasons not yours.