Jump to content

What is she thinking


Recommended Posts

My girl-friend of 5 years broke up with me 11 weeks ago. We have a 14 month old son together. We own a car and a house together. She left me for problems I had with alcohol, which I have corrected the day she left.

 

The 1st 9 weeks were up and down. We spent alot of time together on her days off, as friends. Last week I was giving her a massage and she wanted sex. She said dont think we are getting back together because of this. At the time I didnt care. After this she wanted me to stay at the house twice a week so she wouldnt have to pick up our son after work at my parents (this is were I am staying). We sleep in different rooms. She works 2-1030pm, Sunday- Thursday.

 

By me staying at the house it is a convience for her. I ended up staying there everyday last week. Then on friday she went out with some girlfriends, she came home at 2am on saturday. She told me how bad of a time she had. She then let me have sex with her again, this time it wasnt as fast and was very passionate. Lots of mouth to mouth. Then in the morning I went to her room and we did it again. She again said for me not to think we are getting back together because of this. We then spent the whole day together. (We even discussed cleaning the house for our sons room and moving computer downstairs. She talked to me about throwing away extra towels that we have. If its over then we need all the extra stuff we can hold on to, since we will be deviding everything. She also wants to refinance the house.)

 

We had a really good time, I felt we were getting back together. I really wanted to talk to her about what it means for us to refinance the house and redoing the house. It means we are getting back together, not being friends and room-mates. Then, Sunday morning she came to my room and laid down, I gave her a massage. But no sex this time, I really wanted it and was a very upset since I did not get it. I did my best not to pout. I was also was upset that she slept in the other room and that she is not giving in.

 

I am mad that my life is on hold and I cant do anything, dont know if I should plan on moving on or plan on staying, I have lots of chores and things to do around the house if we are keeping it. Before work she was getting ready and was putting makeup on. I asked her why she was getting sexy for work. I was being a smart-ass. I know she does this everyday for work. I just said it because I was a little upset.

 

She got very, very mad. She said we should stop hanging out and just move on. She said I took her for granted and was going back to my old ways. In the past we had some small arguments about how she dresses. She doesnt dress like a *beep*, but I am very conservative and dont like it when she wears skin tight pants and shows cleavage. I do have a little jealousy problem and am trying to work on it. I have not said a thing about what she does or what she wears since the spit. It justed slipped because I was upset and, yes I probably took our situation for granted a little. She left mad.

 

We didnt talk until she picked up our son. I then talked to her today and she said she was sorry about being so mad yesterday. She said her period is coming. She also said we should not have anymore sex and I shouldnt touch her that way anymore. We should just be friends. She said that the 3 of us can still hang out if I like. She said its not worth trying to fix. She still wants me to sleep there atleast 2 times a week. She also brought up refinancing the house. She wants to know if I have talked to anybody, and wants me to refinance as soon as we can, so that we can lower our bills.

 

I dont understand this. If she wants out of the relationship why would she want to refinance the house. I am so lost. I want to get back together with her for myself and for my son. I can deal with moving on, but dont want to give up on my family.

 

Everything she says and does when we are together is telling me she still loves me. I have talked to her mother and she told me that she is watching to see if I go back to drinking. I dont know what to do

Link to post
Share on other sites
familiarityrules

I dated a woman for 4.5 years and she sounds an awful lot like your ex. Yes, she has a valid reason to want to split, alcoholism can definitely cause serious problems. However, do you drink a lot or does she just not like you drinking at all?

See, with my ex, she just liked to be able to control everything. It sounds like yours may be the same? If so, she is probably enjoying all of this new found control that she has over you; deciding when you can stay, when you can have sex and so forth. Be careful because it can backfire. If she is one of the types who enjoys a challenge and games, you are no longer a challenge at this point.

Games are no fun and not mature at all but, unfortunately, that is what some people need. DRAMA.

If you are feeling up to it... in a serious but VERY kind and understanding way, suggest that you understand why she just wants to be friends and maybe it is the best thing for you both. Watch her reaction closely. She just may start to come around **feeling sexy all of the sudden**. If she does, you know she is enjoying the control of the situation. You may need to play a little hard to get yourself. Just don't do it in a way that will make her upset. It may take a day or for her to believe that you really think friends is a good thing too.

 

Basically play her game. If she wants to call the shots and say that it needs to be over, simply tell her that you understand and taht you will respect her wishes. Do NOT try to sleep with her anymore, giver her the space she needs and hope for the best. Obviously doing whatever she wants, when she wants it, is getting you nowhere.

 

Just an opinion. GAMES SUCK.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...