He left me during a fight and ended the relationship...ignoring me...

[sadheart2010]

Hello,

 

i will try to make my story somehow short for all them readers.I hope i will get feedback in my case.

 

Me and my Ex been together for 15 months. almost 3 weeks ago -day after valentinesday-we had a fight and it ended up that he came to close to me which scared me and i had to take the phone and warn him-in case he will come any closer -i would call the police.I didnt but i was so scared since he is almost six feet tall and iam 5.5 !

 

However all i remember was he went to pack his stuff and didnt even let me speak with him and quit the relationship.he even called his mother to pick him up since he sold his car and was at my place.

 

He used to be at my place from friday till sunday and every free minute he had off from his job.

 

We traveled alot together and had a wonderful time.We made it through many conflicts and at the same day we had this fight he even told me how much he loves me.

 

We talked everyday and he even made plans for the next few months and also been always happy to see me.

 

First i thought i would hear from him after the conflict and that we would talk things out,but no we didnt.

 

4 days after the fight he went extra on a webpage that iam actually using and he used to have me as his only added friend there-and deleted our picture and put his status on single.That made me feel like crap.No call no reaction but this online reaction.

 

I tried two weeks long with breaks to contact him and even apologized once for his hurt feelings and told him that no conflict and person on this globe could destroy what we had....no reaction.

 

Now coming monday will be 3 weeks and i kind of gave up almost all hope that he will explain things to me.

 

I need to add here that 5 months ago we had a conflict where he thought i ended up things and ignored me for a few days after i emailed him a great letter he was willing to meet and talk.i didnt end up anything back inthe day but he was not nice to me so i said things to him and two days later on he ended the relationship via text message...Kindergarten i know....but we made it through it.

 

 

Not too long ago he told me that this is th elongest relationship he had and that he never loved a woman like me.On v day he even gave me a nice gift.

 

i know he can get touchy like myself and even if he maybe felt disrespected sometimes because i didnt pay attention when he provoked me,and go disrespectfull sometimes also,i dont see this as a reason to end up things but i have to accept it somehow.

 

Alot of friends told me that he might come back to talk with me even if its over....But iam asking myself everyday whats so hard to contact me ....

 

I even know that he is trying desperatley to meet women online and that even doesnt touch me anymore because i can tell he running away.

 

I also think that his mother manipulated him a little bit since he is her only son and she has no man in her life.Probably it made her happy to have her son back.

 

He is 26 though,old enough to make own decisions.

 

Iam kind of speechless and iam tryng to deal with it all step by step.

[Trojan John]

Why did he become physically threatening to you? What was the argument about that he felt the need to leave you without a word?

[sadheart2010]

Well the arguement wasnt huge , i said something and he was disrespectful so i asked him why he being this way.He said that i been similar the other day and didnt let me speak more to him.So i said my view that he is nice to people that dont care about him but with me he acting weird.Since he ignored me more i got sad n mad n threw some clothes next to him.Thats it.He came close to me second time after 5 months.A woman needs to protect herself in such moments.

 

There is no excuse for such behavior and i still gave him a few chances to talk to me but he fully ignoring me and flirting online.

 

Funny is that so many people read my story and only one person replied....

[sadheart2010]

Saturday i wrote him an email cause of some important things and today is monday= 3 weeks he didnt contact me!!!

 

I think he didnt even have the feeling like iam gone since i tried to reach him every few days somehow-but after my email which was nice and also without any tension i realized somehow that maybe i been with someone together that has serious issues so i have to try n move on for now!

 

 

Who knows maybe if he wont hear from me for a while while-i might get some response !

 

I kind of try not to hope but true love doesnt go away from both sides this quick

[Trojan John]

It seems as if you just need to give him time. Stop contacting him, and wait for him to contact you once he's had some space from you and time to cool off. In the meantime, you think about what you want and what you need to change about yourself in your relationship.

 

If you threw something and hit him, along with saying whatever it was you said, I'm sure that is what provoked his reaction. Your story is still not very clear, though. His reaction seems drastic if, as you say, the argument wasn't huge.

 

Cheers

[sadheart2010]

Hey John,

 

yeah i wrote him certain things but i didnt call him and i waited many days...i also know that it isnt my fault when someone prefers to run away from bigger conflicts all the time.

 

His reaction wasnt nice,he could have tell me that he needs time instead of ending all just because he doesnt like what been said.

 

Fact is he tends to run away also when he has arguements etc with other people from what i know.He used to not speak to his own father for a minute.

Maybe he is too proud too angry and too hurt but i let him know that two people belong to this and that i love him and hopefully one day we will talk.

 

For now i see myself as single especially after he rather communicating with strange women online than me.Its a shame and i think and know that one day(who knows when) he will realize what he caused.

 

Finally today i started to realize that this person doesnt deserve any sign from me since i get ignored .

 

He wont hear from me again.I promised this myself saturday.

In case i will hear from him =Great...if not then i will know he didnt care.

[Enema]

Maybe it's the language barrier, but I still can't nail down what happened exactly.

 

You threw clothes "next" to him?

He got "close" to you?

 

Uhhh... what.

[sadheart2010]

Nothing bad happened that would turn a person to end up everything.If he doesnt know how to deal with a situation or a conflict that has to do with people he cares about he tends to run away from it.It happpened with us two times already before,but in one case i drove to his mothers place to talk to him and in the other case he reacted after i wrote him a beautiful email.

 

 

Like ive mentioned before he provoked me and got disrespectful with me so i asked him why he is speaking to me this way and he answered "because you been disrespectful to me the other day".

I was wondering what he was talking about and got mad when he didnt want to discuss things with me.I never treated him bad and i also accepted the fact that some people let things and everything out in fights,but after i didnt hear from him and then this whole ignoring tour he is with now-made me realize now that he didnt even go through the pain yet.

 

He is a very stubborn and proud person ,but when we had little discussions and he has seen he hurt my soul-he actually realized it quick and we ve been okay.

 

 

While he was packing things he said i need space dont touch me,i cried and tried to talk somehow with him even if he scared and shocked me when he came to close to me.I reacted the way i thought is right in this situation.

All i heard was afterwards ITS OVER....and i thought thats just an out of anger reaction.

Whatever hurt him whatever made him feel bad and loose control,it hurts me that he isnt able to contact me after 16 days.

 

I have something serious to clear out with him and contacted him also because of it but no answer.

 

 

So all i can do is let someone go that doesnt want to deal with me right now for whatever reason he has in his head-we will never fully know until he lets me know.

 

 

I realized that its good to write things off my chest like iam doing it now,but analyzing someone that doesnt even want to talk to me about it makes no sense anymore.I know that two people belong to a fight and in this case i wont even start to blame myself fully.

 

I love him and i know deep inside he loves me in his own way,but i cant make a man fight for something.I did my part and showed him i care and want to solve things.....thats all i could do.

 

And if its true what he told me that h enever had deeper and stronger feelings as h ehas them for me then he might give me the chance to talk to him.I have to take care of myself now though even if i think about him everyday often.

Edited March 10, 2010 by sadheart2010

[Trojan John]

He is non-confrontational. He would rather retreat and hope the problem goes away rather than deal with it up front. That can be a good and a bad thing. Your pushing him to answer you, or to deal with the conflict, only makes him retreat more. The fact that it was a small issue that you were arguing over probably made it worse in his mind. I'm not condoning his actions, by the way. I'm only trying to explain them.

 

Since he has not contacted you and is flirting with women online, it COULD be that he used this last argument as a reason to break up with you so that he could explore other options. But that's just speculation.

 

Best

[sadheart2010]

Hey John,

 

i feel you on what you are saying but i need to mention here that i know every man here n then wants somehow his freedom.

 

I think he is just in his own world now and rather communicating with strangers than me because he doesnt like confrontations.He had the chance a few times to leave when i gave him it and he always came back to me and said that i mean alot to him and that he doesnt want to loose this all.

One time when he thought it wont work out with us he automatically jumped on the internet and started to talk to others.

 

 

As you can maybe see this type of person is hard to understand and if he doesnt understand himself how can i?!:-)

 

All i know is that things been fine with us until that fight and i also know that he isnt often online anyways.It wasnt me that actually made big future plans-it was him.He was happy a day before the fight and even told me how much he loves me.However like you mentioned it before:this guy wont come and talk to me aslong i try and try.

 

From my past experiences with him i thought it would be better if i show him i care,because once he told me when i didnt contact him for a few days that he was scared its over.

 

Now since he knows i truly care and love him,he is trying to not deal with it all because it is way easier for him.BUt iam sure that one day he will confront himself with it in his own way.

 

I let him do whatever he wants now because i have no power over it and dont need to have it.

 

Even if he didnt want to deal with me anymore for whatever reason,he could have at least let me know why after such a long intensive relationship and friendship.

 

I believe that some people need time off each other to see what they had together,but in this case i seriously am lost.

 

Iam just trying to deal with it and live my life somehow.

 

i wont judge him anymore and try to understand.If he truly loves me and cares somehow i will hear from him one day,but then it might be too late and i might be with someone else...u never know

[sadheart2010]

oh boy its been almost 4 weeks now.....but im not contacting him since a week....miss him alot....but oh well....gotta go through this hell

[sadheart2010]

okay its been over 4 weeks now that i didnt hear from him.

A few days ago i texted him out of anger that i cant force him to show me love and support .I wrote him that ive been there for him while h ewas in the hospital and now he doesnt even care about what is going on with me which is sad.

 

I know some of you guys will say i did a mistake but seriously this guy left outta blue everything we built up and ignored me...left me while iam full of anger and dissapointment.

 

 

It seems like i still have things to say but iam not getting even the chance to do it.

 

Iam asking myself everyday how can he be first crazy about me and from one to the next day run away n leave me in the dark.

 

I know that he cant handle emotional conflicts well,but hell its been so many weeks now.

 

So after i did my NC for 10 days i had to restart it again.

 

On one side i still believe he loves me on the other side i just think he has some psyche issues after all he caused to me and i cant actually handle it well.

 

 

THIS NO CLOSURE situation is killing my mind....

[2sunny]

you have closure... you are unwilling to see it.

 

when someone disappears, doesn't respond to you at all etc - he's done.

 

that is closure. what are you waiting to see? he has already shown you with his actions that HE is finished.

 

have you considered that he may have blocked all communication from you? it's possible.

 

accept that his actions say it's over. move on. move forward. it's over now.

 

big hugs for healing.

[sadheart2010]

i know that he is done,but i think i still deserve an explanation after all we went through.

 

I cant force him to give it to me thats what i accepeted and i also know i wont chase him to get closure.It will maybe come one day who knows.

 

I know for 100% that he read my email and about the text message i dont know and dont care.

 

 

Moving on?i already started to do things that are important for myself but i cant stop my mind for now.There was no cheating no other woman and everything was fine....i just know he has some psyche issues from past conversations so i let him be...

 

somedays i call myself lucky that things happened earlier n not later on the other hand i just dont understand what is so hard about giving me a normal conversation.

 

 

However iam giving up and doing the NC again ....but deep inside i wont give up the hope to hear from him maybe one day