My girlfriend broke my heart beyond repair...It hurts more then anything Ive felt

[CJB1]

I havent slept much for 2 days so please excuse the misspellings, typos and overall tone.

 

After I met my GF 1 year and 1 month ago for the first time in my 28 years and 6 months I believed in love...not lust. She wasnt ready for a relationship since she was just coming out of one, but I pushed anyway and she gave in. My intentions were pure and I left sex out of it. I fell for her as a person...for her attitude, mind, mannerisms, humor, body and soul. It was like I could fly. I never have felt this way and to be honest I feel like I never will again. I would give my life for hers. I would stay with her no matter what the circumstances. I treated her and gave her 100% daily. Everyone who met us said we look and act perfect for each other...that we should have kids...that we were like two models....that I treated her how every woman should be treated...it was a daily thing for us scarily...everyone, all our friends and family thought that...except her. Last night out of nowhere, she told me that she wasn't in love with me...that she didn't feel intimate with me like she thinks she should. The pressure of everyone was too much too soon...she felt trapped and wanted to be on her own. She was crying. I was shocked. My first thought was because I gave her so much love so fast, smothering her for attention...she was pushed into a corner...maybe I was selfish and shouldnt have courted her with all my heart..I didnt care, it just clicked and kept clicking for a year with an amazing trip to Hawaii and amazing experiences daily...we exchanged "I love you's" day in and day out. I spoiled her WAY WAY WAY too much. We dealt with hard times and the best of times. Even though we would fight every once in a while, I never stopped showing her love not once...not one name calling or personal attack. After she told me how she needs to be alone and single...I held her and kissed her gently...I left politely and said I would always love her...she was almost hysterical...I didnt loose it and didnt hurt her with words. I came home and I felt my heart for the first time in pain...2 hours later she texted me that she wasnt "OK"...that she "shouldnt have broken up with me like that". She said she "wants time to think of what she wants and "time to be alone and time to look at things from the outside and see what we have" She said "I like you very much" and "love the way you treat me" and "like what we had" but that she "felt she was not being honest with me and then took it over the top". I replied: "I completely understand".She wrote "Thak you for being so great". This afternoon at 2pm she gave in and texted me "how are you doing". I replied "I am in LA with a VP from work...crazy meeting I needed two redbulls"...which I did (I ignored the real question)..I didnt respond to her next question of "which one" (regarding the VP) and she didnt like it...she quickly texted "OK well I hope it goes well then"...I wrote "I think it did...I think I got the deal"...she writes..."Im sure it did. You always do great" I wrote "Thanks" and I haven't heard from her again. I know she wanted me to tell her I love her or miss her or to ask her hows shes doing but that approach is what got me into this mess...I am beyond confused.

 

 

I will do anything to make this work...right now Im ignoring her the best I can unless she contacts me and even then I refuse to bring up the break up (as you can see) unless she specifically does first like Dr. Karanastasis recommends. Should I have even answered that text today?

 

After what she said I probably should walk away...but this time I can't and won't.

Edited February 12, 2010 by CJB1

[DustySaltus]

She said "I like you very much"

 

This quote really stuck out for me.

 

CJ, I know what you are going through all too well. You give you best and it's just not good enough. Don't ever think that it was your fault, you were just with someone who wasn't capable of appreciating things at the time.

 

At this point you need to cut ALL contact off with her. If you feel that you need to send her one last email or phone call, do so but that's it. Explain to her that you are not capable of friendship and it needs to be all or nothing. Then, you need to work on yourself.

 

I've had relationships when I was younger (i'm the same age as you btw) where I was the nicest guy in the world and it turns out that they took me for granted. I also had relationships where I was a complete jerk and took them for granted. With that being said, it's really a delicate balance. You need to establish boundaries with a woman and let them know when something upsets you. Fighting is not always a bad thing. You have to be a little stubborn sometimes. If you continue to give and give and give you won't even recognize who you are anymore and become a doormat. You become someone else just to please that person.

 

She probably wasn't over her last relationship yet. So, I just don't think that she was as open as she needed to be to make it work.

 

NC is the best option for you (read the link in my signature). When you treat a woman as well as you have the best way for her to realize what she missed is to DISAPPEAR. But remember, this is mainly to help you through the healing process.

 

Good Luck

 

DS

[skydiveaddict]

I will do anything to make this work...right now Im ignoring her the best I can unless she contacts me and even then I refuse to bring up the break up (as you can see) unless she specifically does first like Dr. Karanastasis recommends. Should I have even answered that text today?

 

After what she said I probably should walk away...but this time I can't and won't.

 

 

Dude stop contacting her in ANY way. Let youself heal

[ella23]

Dude stop contacting her in ANY way. Let youself heal

^^ this. NC is the way to go.

[brokenporcelain]

Hi, you must be going through a lot right now and everything seems so cloudy. But don't let her decision take you off track. Focus on yourself, your work, and the things you love to do.

 

Your love for her is amazing and you seem like an awesome person.

 

Let her deal with those personal issues. She is probably facing something that she put off in her past. And it is better that she deals with it now then when you guys are married and having a family.

 

You know yourself well and you know what you want. The one thing you want the most right now is a little distant but don't let it make you turn into a baby. Instead, stay composed and patient.

 

What if something amazing and different happens to you? I say stay positive.

 

Lastly, I agree with one of the comments: relationships need a balance. I think you deserve to be a little angry. If you are always nice and sweet doesn't it mean you're suppressing other types of feelings? Aren't you compromising too much? Compromise needs to be reciprocated.

 

I hope that when you guys are together again that she compromises just as much as you do.

 

=D goodluck

[CJB1]

Thank you everyone

 

Today at 7pm she texted me: "I miss you so much already"

 

then one minute later she wrote "I'm sorry I shouldnt have said anything"

 

obviously the NC is working and she's is mixed up...wants her freedom but doesnt want to loose me 100%

 

its 8:46...do I text her back "it ok" and be a crutch or nothing...we used to text each other 30 times a day

[bluestraps]

I loved my girlfriend so much and still do And I was a complete wreck for 3 months. Once the fourth month came I was much better Now the fifth month is here and I actualy saw my ex just last week In fact circumstances head her in my house for a half hour and some things were said and happened. But guess what I havent regressed at all .

 

So with the way you feel Im sure you will get beter too . But you need to go through the steps . Very similar to when someone you love dies.

 

In fact you may find she will slowly come back. But dont assume anything.

[CJB1]

Thank you everyone

 

Today at 7pm she texted me: "I miss you so much already"

 

then one minute later she wrote "I'm sorry I shouldnt have said anything"

 

obviously the NC is working and she's is mixed up...wants her freedom but doesnt want to loose me 100%

 

its 8:46...do I text her back "it ok" and be a crutch or nothing...we used to text each other 30 times a day

[DenverBachelor]

Sometimes you have to exercise the better part of valor and just retreat completely from the situation. That means no contact, no matter what she says to you or how many times she contacts you. You need to distance yourself from this emotional mess.

 

Your relationship with her is over with, and nothing will change that in the present. You were at point A and now you are at point B. Two totally different points with a winding crazy path connecting them. You don't walk backwards, you can only walk forwards.

 

So for your emotional health (and hers), let the situation die completely by not allowing the chit-chat to drag out the emotional healing.

 

It does suck, but you'll do fine.

[pureinheart]

I havent slept much for 2 days so please excuse the misspellings, typos and overall tone.

 

After I met my GF 1 year and 1 month ago for the first time in my 28 years and 6 months I believed in love...not lust. She wasnt ready for a relationship since she was just coming out of one, but I pushed anyway and she gave in. My intentions were pure and I left sex out of it. I fell for her as a person...for her attitude, mind, mannerisms, humor, body and soul. It was like I could fly. I never have felt this way and to be honest I feel like I never will again. I would give my life for hers. I would stay with her no matter what the circumstances. I treated her and gave her 100% daily. Everyone who met us said we look and act perfect for each other...that we should have kids...that we were like two models....that I treated her how every woman should be treated...it was a daily thing for us scarily...everyone, all our friends and family thought that...except her. Last night out of nowhere, she told me that she wasn't in love with me...that she didn't feel intimate with me like she thinks she should. The pressure of everyone was too much too soon...she felt trapped and wanted to be on her own. She was crying. I was shocked. My first thought was because I gave her so much love so fast, smothering her for attention...she was pushed into a corner...maybe I was selfish and shouldnt have courted her with all my heart..I didnt care, it just clicked and kept clicking for a year with an amazing trip to Hawaii and amazing experiences daily...we exchanged "I love you's" day in and day out. I spoiled her WAY WAY WAY too much. We dealt with hard times and the best of times. Even though we would fight every once in a while, I never stopped showing her love not once...not one name calling or personal attack. After she told me how she needs to be alone and single...I held her and kissed her gently...I left politely and said I would always love her...she was almost hysterical...I didnt loose it and didnt hurt her with words. I came home and I felt my heart for the first time in pain...2 hours later she texted me that she wasnt "OK"...that she "shouldnt have broken up with me like that". She said she "wants time to think of what she wants and "time to be alone and time to look at things from the outside and see what we have" She said "I like you very much" and "love the way you treat me" and "like what we had" but that she "felt she was not being honest with me and then took it over the top". I replied: "I completely understand".She wrote "Thak you for being so great". This afternoon at 2pm she gave in and texted me "how are you doing". I replied "I am in LA with a VP from work...crazy meeting I needed two redbulls"...which I did (I ignored the real question)..I didnt respond to her next question of "which one" (regarding the VP) and she didnt like it...she quickly texted "OK well I hope it goes well then"...I wrote "I think it did...I think I got the deal"...she writes..."Im sure it did. You always do great" I wrote "Thanks" and I haven't heard from her again. I know she wanted me to tell her I love her or miss her or to ask her hows shes doing but that approach is what got me into this mess...I am beyond confused.

 

 

I will do anything to make this work...right now Im ignoring her the best I can unless she contacts me and even then I refuse to bring up the break up (as you can see) unless she specifically does first like Dr. Karanastasis recommends. Should I have even answered that text today?

 

After what she said I probably should walk away...but this time I can't and won't.

 

This one might be on you to decide if you want to go through the heartache of her transition and her confusion. She doesn't sound like a bad person (like the idiot that just screwed me over).

 

Some people do not understand NOT being screwed over and have become accustomed to it. When a REAL person comes forth, non abusive, nice, ect it is difficult to comprehend. For me, when someone does treat me good after being abused for so long, I will not know how to act....BUT I'M GONNA LEARN....LOL.

 

Why not "see what happens", hide your expectations and go on with YOUR life. You sound like a great catch so don't underestimate yourself!

[pureinheart]

Thank you everyone

 

Today at 7pm she texted me: "I miss you so much already"

 

then one minute later she wrote "I'm sorry I shouldnt have said anything"

 

obviously the NC is working and she's is mixed up...wants her freedom but doesnt want to loose me 100%

 

its 8:46...do I text her back "it ok" and be a crutch or nothing...we used to text each other 30 times a day

 

Well, let's see this is my 50th NC, and yes it has "worked" because I stick to it till he blows up my phone and answering machine and then like a dumb a** I pick up the phone because I am still in a "withdrawl state" and weak....he has even used the "M" word out of desparation.

 

Be really careful because something like this could change your whole aspect concerning relationships, creating undo bitterness and hatred. I am a living example of what abuse does. Check out the OM/OW forum under the "gaslighting" thread....very informative, a real eye opener....

[CJB1]

Thanks everyone...do I respond to last nights "I miss you so much already" and then "Im sorry I shouldnt have said anything"...her social webiste on her best friends page says "Im so sad I dont know why I did this" last night.

 

She risked me...then two days later "I miss you so much already"

 

NC or LC then NC again

[jqb05443]

I know its hard but I wouldn't respond. My bf broke up with me last summer and we were broken up for 4 months. This site helped me out alot and although I was one of the biggest failures of NC I would preach if you are strong. I wasn't strong and I was never able to go more than 5 days with out any contact.

 

The good thing is she is showing signs of missing you and that is probably due to the fact that you haven't really cried or begged her to come back. I would go NC if you can

[GrayClouds]

Thanks everyone...do I respond to last nights "I miss you so much already" and then "Im sorry I shouldnt have said anything"...her social webiste on her best friends page says "Im so sad I dont know why I did this" last night.

 

She risked me...then two days later "I miss you so much already"

 

NC or LC then NC again

 

 

Likely she has her eye on someone else but wants to keep you haing on in case it does not work out. Do not alllow yourself to be back up boy. Time to move on and heal. She playing with you and it is disrespectful.

[bberryguy]

This one might be on you to decide if you want to go through the heartache of her transition and her confusion. She doesn't sound like a bad person (like the idiot that just screwed me over).

 

Some people do not understand NOT being screwed over and have become accustomed to it. When a REAL person comes forth, non abusive, nice, ect it is difficult to comprehend. For me, when someone does treat me good after being abused for so long, I will not know how to act....BUT I'M GONNA LEARN....LOL.

 

Why not "see what happens", hide your expectations and go on with YOUR life. You sound like a great catch so don't underestimate yourself!

 

Funny you should mention this - not to hijack the thread - but my gf must broke up with me (again) the other day. Regardless of the reasons she gave, it really comes down to the fact that (a) she's a really good person who (b) has never had a "good" man in her life. She doesn't know how to handle a man who actually cares about her, appreciates her, encourages her, and is emotionally available.

 

Oh sure, she likes the emotion and the passion, but when she gets just a little too much at once (which isn't even a lot by most women's standards) her system basically short circuits and the relationship / emotional switch moves to off. After a couple weeks, a month or so, that switch moves back to "on" and she really starts missing me.

 

She's done this a few times now and it sucks but I've come to expect it. Each time she progresses farther and farther ahead into being able to accept true affection and warm emotion from a man (me).

 

But at this point I'm sick of the cycle. She can sweat it for awhile. I'm going NC for at least 30 days. If history is any indication, it'll be about two weeks before she's really sweatin it and about 30 days before she wants to jump me again. But even then I'm reluctant. I'll be moving on, dating, seeing what's out there. I'd love to have a chance with her again in the future (30 days, 60 days, longer) since she really is an awesome woman. She just has a few things to work through in order to be able to accept a man that genuinely cares about her, expresses emotion, and does not treat her like an afterthought.

 

So to the OP: Go NC. Heal. Let her heal too. She WILL miss you. She WILL want you, but there's something there that's keeping her from being able to accept your genuine expressions of affection and it's short circuiting her system. Give her time to realize that what she had with you is what she really wants. There's a good chance she'll come around.

 

On the other hand, you shouldn't be waiting. Take care of yourself. DON"T spend your days planning for your relationship comeback. Sure you can have a strategy, if she's a good woman, to contact her after some time (30 days perhaps) and see where she's at. But until then, take care of yourself, do some casual dating, and try to move on. If she really does miss you, really does realize what she had, then just the fact that you're moving on, more confident, and thereby more of a challenge will be all the more attractive to here.

 

Oh, and that confidence and challenge aspect will also help you with anyone else you date. So go for it!

 

And if you DO get back into a relationship with her, and I have learned this one first hand with my lady (and keep relearning) is try to be a bit more of a challenge. All women like a challenge, but especially those that struggle with accepting genuine emotion from a man. She's had a taste of it. She likes it. It short circuited her. But if she has to work a little harder to get it with you, and chase you a bit for it, then it will be far more likely to be accepted than if you simply shower her with it.

 

As for me... I'm on day two of thirty days of no contact. I'm right there with ya bud. Online dating profile is updated, starting to network with friends to meet other women, AND I have my 30 day "check in" plan to see if there's a chance for her and I again. But I'm playing ALL my options, not just her.

[EYECANDY000]

Funny you should mention this - not to hijack the thread - but my gf must broke up with me (again) the other day. Regardless of the reasons she gave, it really comes down to the fact that (a) she's a really good person who (b) has never had a "good" man in her life. She doesn't know how to handle a man who actually cares about her, appreciates her, encourages her, and is emotionally available.

 

Oh sure, she likes the emotion and the passion, but when she gets just a little too much at once (which isn't even a lot by most women's standards) her system basically short circuits and the relationship / emotional switch moves to off. After a couple weeks, a month or so, that switch moves back to "on" and she really starts missing me.

 

She's done this a few times now and it sucks but I've come to expect it. Each time she progresses farther and farther ahead into being able to accept true affection and warm emotion from a man (me).

 

But at this point I'm sick of the cycle. She can sweat it for awhile. I'm going NC for at least 30 days. If history is any indication, it'll be about two weeks before she's really sweatin it and about 30 days before she wants to jump me again. But even then I'm reluctant. I'll be moving on, dating, seeing what's out there. I'd love to have a chance with her again in the future (30 days, 60 days, longer) since she really is an awesome woman. She just has a few things to work through in order to be able to accept a man that genuinely cares about her, expresses emotion, and does not treat her like an afterthought.

 

So to the OP: Go NC. Heal. Let her heal too. She WILL miss you. She WILL want you, but there's something there that's keeping her from being able to accept your genuine expressions of affection and it's short circuiting her system. Give her time to realize that what she had with you is what she really wants. There's a good chance she'll come around.

 

On the other hand, you shouldn't be waiting. Take care of yourself. DON"T spend your days planning for your relationship comeback. Sure you can have a strategy, if she's a good woman, to contact her after some time (30 days perhaps) and see where she's at. But until then, take care of yourself, do some casual dating, and try to move on. If she really does miss you, really does realize what she had, then just the fact that you're moving on, more confident, and thereby more of a challenge will be all the more attractive to here.

 

Oh, and that confidence and challenge aspect will also help you with anyone else you date. So go for it!

 

And if you DO get back into a relationship with her, and I have learned this one first hand with my lady (and keep relearning) is try to be a bit more of a challenge. All women like a challenge, but especially those that struggle with accepting genuine emotion from a man. She's had a taste of it. She likes it. It short circuited her. But if she has to work a little harder to get it with you, and chase you a bit for it, then it will be far more likely to be accepted than if you simply shower her with it.

 

As for me... I'm on day two of thirty days of no contact. I'm right there with ya bud. Online dating profile is updated, starting to network with friends to meet other women, AND I have my 30 day "check in" plan to see if there's a chance for her and I again. But I'm playing ALL my options, not just her.

 

 

great advice bberry.. I too, have taken a few notes that you have said and applied it to my own situation

[CJB1]

8 days laterof almost NC we met for dinner since I asked and she immeadiatly agreed hat it wold be great and is was awkward but I was happy and ligh hearted...we brought up the relationship and valentines day and she started to cry wanted to hold me tight...she kissed my neck a few times. Then when we parted she went to kiss my cheek and we kissed on the mouth instead(3 times) It was better then anything weve done in months...she texted me later how amazing dinner was and that I should have sweet dreams and an amazing day tomorrow. I texted her goodnight. For the next 3 days NC...no texts from her and none from me. tomorrow is the 4 th day since dinner. Im prety sure she still needs space/is unsure but wants me to make the 1st move to keep in contact...she NEVER made the 1st move in any past relatonships, intimate situations etc. Never.

 

????

[DustySaltus]

As bberry said:

 

She doesn't know how to handle a man who actually cares about her, appreciates her, encourages her, and is emotionally available.

 

It's important to know that a second chance cannot work unless BOTH people are willing to admit to their mistakes (which is often the hardest part) and make a full-on effort to correct them.

 

She wants you to make the effort to keep in contact after SHE broke up with YOU? That's not the way it works. The first thing she should've said is, "I made a huge mistake, I apologize and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make it work"......that's a START.

 

She wants you to chase her and she's done NOTHING to deserve that. If you do chase her I PROMISE you that you will be in the same position down the line. She wants you dancing to her beat....go make your own music.

 

Sorry for the tough love but don't let her off that easy.

[ann09]

I'm so sorry. I can tell you love her so much.

 

I am torn with this one. I hate the "don't respond to her texts" thing. I know how that feels - and it hurts to be ignored. But I also get the no contact thing. I am not sure I have any good advice for you.

 

She misses you - but she could just miss the "routine" you guys had - the closeness. You said you texted 30 times a day - so hard to quit that cold turkey. She wanted to know which VP you were meeting with. You probably shared work stories with her and now all of a sudden she doesn't know anything and misses that. I have been there. So hard to "know" someone and then all of a sudden they've vanished from your life.

 

Maybe she just needs time to figure all this out. If it's meant to be, she will come back to you. Call me a hopeless romantic - but I do believe if it's meant to be - it will be. Be patient. Don't follow "rules" about what you should do or shouldn't. Follow your heart. If your heart tells you to text her back - do it. Rules feel like games to me and I hate that.

 

I didn't read this entire thread so I am not sure where things stand for you right now - but I wish you the best.

[Woggle]

Now you know what not to do in your next relationship. Think of this as a learning experience.

[cdt76]

I'm one to say that you should never give up on love until there is no love. I believe she is scared and feels trapped because you are not what she is used to. You are all the things she has dreamed about in a relationship and she has a hard time believing that it's real based on her past relationships. She feels trapped because she doesn't want to invest too much of herself again because she is scared that when she does, you will change and she will be right back where she was when she got out of the last relationship.

 

I say keep after her in a slow but methodical way, like you are doing. Do not violate her trust by dating other women. Do show her that your love is real. Do show her that you are NOT her past but her future and that is going to take time.

 

But here is the kicker. The second you feel that you are being strung along, get out. You will hurt like your heart is ripped from your chest but she will only continue to hurt you. If what you offer her is not seen for what it is in her eyes then she is not worth you. Love is a special thing and if she knows what love is, she will see it.

[GrayClouds]

I'm one to say that you should never give up on love until there is no love. I believe she is scared and feels trapped because you are not what she is used to. You are all the things she has dreamed about in a relationship and she has a hard time believing that it's real based on her past relationships. She feels trapped because she doesn't want to invest too much of herself again because she is scared that when she does, you will change and she will be right back where she was when she got out of the last relationship.

 

I say keep after her in a slow but methodical way, like you are doing. Do not violate her trust by dating other women. Do show her that your love is real. Do show her that you are NOT her past but her future and that is going to take time.

.

 

Fact is there is nothing you can do to for her to feel safe or anything else for that matter, If she is not use to real intimacy. It is only through work herself; understanding why she can not accept it, learning understand pattern she show when issues induce fear, and find new, healthy ways to manage her fears. This is hard, long work that only she can do if she really wants to. And she will not do it until she, if ever, feels confident and safe with herself.

 

YOU CAN NOT NICE GUY HER INTO FEELING SAFE AND LOVED.

 

This is classic nice guy behavior; I will work harder for you to understand I much I love you, how greater my love is then any ones else in your life, I will show you real intamcy.... And when I do I you will reward me with your love, and be forever committed to me for showing you this beauty"

 

Simply BS that usually leads to the NICE GUY getting dump and then becoming bitter for how hard he work for her and how she did not appreciate all that he did. Does this sound like someone you know cdt76?

[CJB1]

I agree...if it is really love she will come back on her own...also I agree I was the "Nice Guy" however I wasnt THAT nice to anyone else and oozed masculinity and confidence to everyone else...but regarding her I gave her the world. Also she claimed at one point she didnt love me back as intensely as I showed her my love and that she didnt give it her all and she wanted to either give it all or take a break which is somewhat absurd...I feel Im just so much better at showing emotion in general as well as communicating it.

 

UPDATE

She texts 4 days after the dinner claiming her mom has been bugging her to ask me about some stupid thing....we text a little and talk about work etc...I am non chalant etc I cloce the convo and say goodnight which she is used to doing...she doesnt respond.

 

Today I text her: Are you still tired today or feeling better. Shes still tired and at work. We text a bit I ask her if she wants to get dinner...she texts SURE!!! then right before we go an hour later she calls not texts that she totally forgot an online assignment due tonight...(story checks out) and that she is so sorry and asks if its OK to do dinner a different night. We talk for 15 minutes she seems to have a lot to complain about...wants to vent...says she cant relax with her work/school...Im just neutral and a bit funny. No affection etc. She says Monday shes totally free or just let her know what day is good for me and she'll let me know if it matches her school/work. I tell her we'll stay in communication...but our communication is really dysfunctional. NC with her is hard since she is keeping the break up a bit under wraps and both of us ended it so nice and she is so stubborn annnd she doesnt really want a break up although she intiaed this "break". What to do?...Im in love with someone who loves me much less it seems...sadly everywhere I go women hit on me and I cant stand it...I need to either get her back or get her out of my head.

 

Next step...NC for a while?...seems immature at this point unless I stick to it. Or baby steps to see each other while also giving space and having LC

Edited February 25, 2010 by CJB1

[DustySaltus]

NC all the way.

 

She hasn't changed at all. Re-read what GrayClouds said above ^. He hit the nail right on the head here.

[GrayClouds]

I agree...if it is really love she will come back on her own...also I agree I was the "Nice Guy" however I wasnt THAT nice to anyone else and oozed masculinity and confidence to everyone else...but regarding her I gave her the world. Also she claimed at one point she didnt love me back as intensely as I showed her my love and that she didnt give it her all and she wanted to either give it all or take a break which is somewhat absurd...I feel Im just so much better at showing emotion in general as well as communicating it.

 

UPDATE

She texts 4 days after the dinner claiming her mom has been bugging her to ask me about some stupid thing....we text a little and talk about work etc...I am non chalant etc I cloce the convo and say goodnight which she is used to doing...she doesnt respond.

 

Today I text her: Are you still tired today or feeling better. Shes still tired and at work. We text a bit I ask her if she wants to get dinner...she texts SURE!!! then right before we go an hour later she calls not texts that she totally forgot an online assignment due tonight...(story checks out) and that she is so sorry and asks if its OK to do dinner a different night. We talk for 15 minutes she seems to have a lot to complain about...wants to vent...says she cant relax with her work/school...Im just neutral and a bit funny. No affection etc. She says Monday shes totally free or just let her know what day is good for me and she'll let me know if it matches her school/work. I tell her we'll stay in communication...but our communication is really dysfunctional. NC with her is hard since she is keeping the break up a bit under wraps and both of us ended it so nice and she is so stubborn annnd she doesnt really want a break up although she intiaed this "break". What to do?...Im in love with someone who loves me much less it seems...sadly everywhere I go women hit on me and I cant stand it...I need to either get her back or get her out of my head.

 

Next step...NC for a while?...seems immature at this point unless I stick to it. Or baby steps to see each other while also giving space and having LC

 

Sorry CJB1 but stop trying to solve this problem. Your trying to fix her into loving you. She is not with you because she does not want to be with you. You can rationalize it any way you want to try to make yourself feel better but look at her actions. Her actions are that she is not with you.

 

I even suspect there is someone else she has her eye on and wants to keep you as a back up if she can land the new fish.

 

Buy "No More Mr Nice Guy". Yes, you may appear to be the stud of America but your behavior toward this relationship is classic Nice Guy syndrome behavior. You hoping that through giving her space will allow her to see now great of a man you are, who much you really care because your giving her what she wants, and her seeing that, she will then understand how much you love he and come back to you.

 

Fact all that space is doing is showing her that she can get along without you, It allows the connections between you and her to slowly untie. It show you as being weak, dependent on her choices in life before you will move on.

 

Go NC, not to get her back but to give you space to get over this one, to understand how not to repeat your patterns in the next relationship, and how to become a better you. NO more text, no more facy-facebook, no more emails , conversations, no more contact start focusing on you.

Edited February 25, 2010 by GrayClouds