4 years toghether and suddenly over..

[abdellost]

I really need help. I am losing it.

 

Last Saturday my girl called crying that she misses me and cant wait to see me.she promised we would go and watch avatar the Wednesday coming up. we had a small/big argument. she wanted to talk to her little sisters guy friends and i said no. I did not say no out of jealousy. Its that when i ask her if i can talk to girls, or if i could talk to my little sisters friends, she would say no because she was to jealous and did not trust the girls. Its ok, she was protective and very loving girl. we had a fight and she gave me good points and such but i was stubborn and said no because its not fair. each time i want to do or say something, she would not agree with it. But when it comes to her or if something comes up exactly alike, she would tell me to she will do it and if i say no its a big problem. Anyways she said im still doing it, its nothing wrong and i will tell u everything we talk about. I said go ahead but i am still hurt and blah blah. The very next day she did not ring me like we always do. we ring twice in the morning when we wake up, 3 times if we go down with our family, 5 times before we sleep, good mornign text messages and goodnight text messages. we knew everything about eachother all day the whole time in a cute way (nothing possessing). so i went down and got her credit for her cell. she then text me saying she feels too guilty and that she cant do this anymore and that it wont work out, we're different and shes sorry its over and to delete our pictures and videos. I was in shock and tried calling her but she wouldnt take my call. after a few tries she took it and was being really cold and saying im sorry, we're going to collide in the future and we wont be happy. i started going crazy and crying for her telling her everything can be wroked out..she was like "no it cant be worked out, this isnt me this isnt who iam. i am sorry, this is harder than i thought" and closed her cell. i called her friends who were in terrible shock. they told me they would get to the meaning of this. They then messaged me telling me im sorry its over.i called her best friend who said "this is for the best, forget about her, theres no chance." he text my sister telling her shes sorry, she never meant this to happen. But that shes not who she is and i changed her. I text her telling her if she ever loved me to write me back, she text my sister telling her to tell me because she did love me she wont write back because she doesnt want to give me hope because there is none, its over. then her friends text me telling me she says "she loved me and she STILL does but she cant be with me, that our world are not the same and it would never work out because we think differently"

 

Before i go further let me explain our situation. I am an American Egyptian, good class but my father got scammed a lot in Egypt and lost millions so we are trying to get back on our feet. Shes pure Egyptian and High class.In egypt, class matters and its really dumb. Its all about "your family name", not the cash. her mom first loved me but after we told her about us she got a little mean. A few times we would cross paths, by sheer luck, and she would catch me with her daughter alone (thats a no no in Egypt). she asked me two times not for this to happen again but the third time, again sheer luck, my girl knew i was playing basketball at the same club she was doing track, she came to say hi then her mom came out of nowhere. In the end her mom was so mad to the point she critized my family and told her not to talk to me. this was 2 years ago. so for 2 years her mom thinks her daughter is not talking to me. I know its wrong but we have no choice until my family gets back on their feet and i go propose. So each time we would go out she would be very stressed and nervous.i would try to calm her down and such...

 

Back to the story, she text messaged me the same day telling me our mentality are different. that she never wanted to grow up like this, worrying about what to wear and how to act. I told her me either, that we changed a lot in the 4 years and we need time to patch it up. she said no, im sorry, theres no more us and can never be. that we did have some stuff in common (bullsh*t, we had everything in common, right down to our favorite colors which is the weirdest mix) but that our worlds are different. my family was a bit religious and her family was very open minded. I told her i did not fall in love with her looks or anything. I fell in love with who she was. when i first meet her i never gave her a second look, until we got to know eachother through being great friends. she then closed her phone for 3 days. I went to her college and waited for her to finish her exams. When she came out she saw me and dashed the other way.i walked after her begging for her to listen and she was just being so mean. telling me its over and theres no hope. i told her i just want to explain my part, she said go ahead. I tried explaining and all i got was "no forget it, theres no hope" then she was like arent u religious, why are u trying to get back with me? yes i am a little religious, i do fear god and such but i am really open minded. and she knows that. i tried holding her hands and she wouldnt let me and tell me to let her go or she would hit me (she was getting stressed out because we were infront of her college and its a big deal for guys and girls to even walk with each other in college,Wierd country a little). then she was like i am trying to be nice, go on with ur life, go back to America and go to college there. Just leave. I told her that Saturday you were crying that you missed me, that you loved me so much and cant let me go. now ur throwing me away. she just said sorry. i then asked her Look at me and tell me you love me. she was like i do not want to lie to you. I started crying and was like how the hell? how 4 years and you dont love me anymore? 3 days ago you were making plans with me and called me up at night crying saying you cant ever make me feel bad because you love me so much. she was like i really dont know if i do or not okay. than i asked her not to shut her phone off, she told me shes changing her number and thats that. than she was like go on with your life, its over. you did mean the world to me i am sorry and walked away. she then a few minutes later text me telling me "delete all our stuff or ill literally hate you"( the pictures and vids are like us kissing and stuff). last month she was tickling me and cracking me up, i was laughing so hard that i said something that i would never thought of saying, i told her "i hate you stop making me laugh so hard", she started crying really hard saying she never wants me to say the "i hate you" ever. she never wants to hear it.i hugged her and told her im sorry. now she messaged me saying she would literally hate me if i don't delete the stuff???? i texted her telling not to worry, to have a good life and to take care of herself.( my friend made me write that, i was breaking down). she text back saying to "please eat=)" (my sister told her i have not ate for 4 days,i couldnt). i was trying to call someone so i rang her by accident and text her telling her sorry i rang by accident. she text back saying its ok please be okay thats all i really want. This was all that same day i talked to her. its been a week and i have not gotten anything. shes going to travel for the first time in 2 days for 2 weeks to Saudi Arabia to visit her dad who works there. We made plans to contact and how we will keep in touch before she goes but this was before she broke it off. i am scared to try calling her number to find it changed. Its too much for me. one day shes crazy about me the next she changes her number? THERE WAS NO HINTS NO ANYTHING. WE argued yes, we fought about dumb stuff. But we would always make up, always.

 

Shes the first in her family to wear the head scarf and her mom makes fun of her about it al the time. All her friends said (recently) that she wore it to make me happy. i told them that we made plans about marriage and what we were going to do, and all our plans were stuff that we could not do if she was wearing the head scarf, so how the hell did i make her?I never looked at another girl, never checked out another girl for 4 years! never thought of being with someone else, never fantized. Before i was with her my family used to make fun of me saying i was a different kind of man, i would close the toilet seat, i would take care of myself, i would you know, just be clean and smart. i never did anything to hurt her feelings like even think of another girl. I am her first, we got togehter when we were 15. So she thinks what i do is normal, not checking girls out and loving her to death. I dont know what to do anymore. Everyone says to ignore her and she would comeback to me. But i dont think so. She was the strongest girl i ever meet. If her dad hit her or yelled, or if her mom made fun of her or anything at all, she would stand tall and not budge and show she doesnt care but come crying to me. She used to tell me i was the only thing that made her weak and nothing can make her weak. I dont know. I am crying every day i cant help it. she was everything to me. For the first time, when i was creating a loveshack account now, i had no pw or username to create! People tell me to go on with my life. I WOULD IF SHE was never like that. she made me addicted to her. if i dont ring her for a few hours she would call worried as hell than mad that i mad her worried. she would love to know every detail of me. if i was buying a shirt, i would call her and ask her what color? what size? what you think of a shirt like this and that. shes just everything. Should i go and talk to her before she leaves in 2 days? what should i do? i cant let her go. this cant end like this. its so unfair. I tried forgetting her but i cant. I used to even look at her body and think its so perfect that i dont want anything at all. You know some guys love their wives and girls to death but they would atleast look and be like hm if she had this and that. I dont. I just love evetrything about her. I fell in love with her mentality! not even her looks. when i first saw her i didnt even take a second look. I am from America. You know the girls are two different things from America to Egypt. But i fell in love with who she was and how she was. She was so amazing and funny. i adored it. I am scared she doesnt lvoe me anymore or doesnt miss me. Egypt won the African cup yesterday and each time we would watch the game we would ring when a referee was being dumb or when we scored a goal (this was because we couldnt watch the games toghether alot.) this is so unfair. i did not do anything to her. Yes i was a bit strict and wont let her do stuff, just because she wont let me do stuff. I dont want to lose her. I am willing to go fix anythjing..

 

Thanks everyone...

[hayley-1989]

you seem to be suffering alot

 

heres what i think from reading that. she seems to have grew up in a world with alot more rule and regulations etc. being told you must not see your own boyfriend is tough enough, so she rejected her mums wishes and saw you for another 2 years. now you tell her that she cant talk to boys and she's done the same to you! she's gone against it and it's triggered a breakup. she's clearly feeling like she's not making any of her own choices at the moment, you should probs talk to her about yours and her issues with talking to other people.

 

ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years, and he kissed another girl 5 months ago...yet even i still trust him to talk to them. you guys need to sort that out before you can be together.....and it's possible.

 

another thing, you rely on her way too much and it's not healthy. texting and calling is nice....but no way as often as you guys do. even couples who live together need time to breath or else things like 'random' breakups happen! you depend on her for small things like picking clothes (theres a difference between asking an opinion...and relying). If you were just asking for an opinion, you wouldnt feel unable to funtion on your own anymore.

 

I was 15 when i got together with my boyfriend, so like you i've grown up in love from 15-20.....and he's my whole life. but you need independance so that you can function as an adult, else you cant properly develope as a person and mature.

 

it sounds like she's panic'd a bit, and you shouldnt worry. she'll miss you sooner rather than later. as for getting your siblings and friends involved like that.....it's probably better not to. because if you dont get anyone else involved, she'll have to speak to you about it...and wont change her number.

 

at the end of the day it seems to me like she's rebelling and trying to break free from everything! shes 19/20 and shes becomming a woman. as you've not had much independance in your relationship it's effecting her maturing. let her find herself, and then she'll realise where she belongs

 

just let her grow xx

[abdellost]

Hey hayley,

 

Thanks for reading the whole post=p.I didn't notice it was that long until I posted it,I needed to talk.

 

Thing is she started with this don't talk to guy/girl. Sometimes she mention its dumb,but when I ask to speak to girls,she would tel me the 1s I pick are too open minded.that really doesn't matter. All I care is that she misses me to the brink of texting me anything. Thing is,I never saw this coming. Like I saw the day she dies possible,but not this.&she knows it.she knows this will damage us if she ever decides to come back &that might make her not come back.plus she's a really strong girl.I was the only 1 she cried too,but before. She was that close to me,she used to act like nothing can break her. Oh&I'm sure she changed her number,too scared to try though.the only reason I can think of is that she really thinks there's no hope for us again&she knows ill keep trying,that's how close we were,we thought nothing can stop us.not sure if she changed it tho.

I don't rely on her wit what cloth to pick,we never ASKED eachother to do things or such,we tell&wait for an opinion.&too be honest we really don't ever go with eachothers opinionbut yea we texted&called a lot.we had our little thing.

Her friends told me it would neevr work out&that she broke ti off because in the future we would collid.because we think differently&have 2 dif worlds?that's what killing me.she's leaving tomorrow for 2 weeks travel&she has not contacted me or anything yet.

What's your take?

 

Thanks again,really helping.

Oh btw,in egypt kissing&stuff is done when you get mareid.she kneww 100% that we'll get married.I don't see how she can just leave me.whenever we fight&I would say something dumb like its not going to work out,she tells me "u touched me,u can't evr leave me"&such.we did argue about little dumb stuff,but in my eyes it made us stronger&build us.I don't know

[abdellost]

I would like to add that she did not plan for this.we were supposed to go to the movies tomorrow.the day she broke it off we were supposed to go to the sport club&study. What I don't get is,why?not why she broke it off even though that's still not fully comperhandable.but why did she do it this why?she text me,took my call said its over&closed her cell just like that.3 days later I went to c her&she flipped out telling me there's no hope.to go to america&live my life.that its over.I asked what's wrong.she said she's not who she is&she became someone she didn't want to be&she been lying to herself for 2 years saying it will work out.LYING? I SWEAR I WOULD HAVE NOTICED SOMETHING BUT SHE WAS JUST SO SWEET&ALL OVER ME.she's so easy to read,she never was able to hide anything.sorry for the rant.can't sleep for the 8th day in a row.I just can't go on witout hope...

[hayley-1989]

ok, it sounds to me like she's just playing a game now....

 

leave her to it, and see what happens. if she's doing this to make a little dramam in your relationship then staying together isnt worth it if she's messing you around.

 

try and get on with your own life, and breaking up with her is going to be painful x

[abdellost]

What you mean a game?I know she did not plan this.I think it was sudden.her friends did not see it coming.ur first post hit it dead on but I just didn't get why she would change her number&suddenly leave.I know if you knew her u would love her.she's so innoccent,childlish,doesn't believe in evil&such.I just don't how she had the heart to do it suddenly. When we were talking,well I was talking to her when I went after her,I asked if we can talk in a less crowded area.she freaked out&was like "ill never do it again,ill never make myself look bad in public again".she used to think we look bad walkin in the streets alone&stuff.

Someone told me,if she loves me or even loved me,she would have contacted me so far atleast tellin me not to be hurt or hate her.I got nothing.I dunno. Yes I want to let her go to grow up&realize I'm hers.but stuff keep coming in the way &make me feel like "no hope"

 

Thanks halley for your help

[justpassingthrough]

It seems to me like she's thinking about marriage and has come to the realization you aren't the man she will marry.

 

Doing the math, she's around 20 years old, right? She's in college and surely she's looking at life after college. As an Egyptian girl, marriage is certainly what she expects will happen, and she expects it will happen after she finishes her studies.

 

The chances are good she's watching her friends become engaged and, because of your family's financial situation, doesn't see that happening with you any time soon. You said her family is upper class and the shabka alone will be expensive. If you aren't financially ready, you aren't ready at all.

 

She hijabs. When did this start? Many - if not most - Egyptian girls believe they have to hijab or they will never find a man who will marry them. Covering is a sign they are ready to get married. This may be true with her as well.

 

Her mother clearly does not approve of her sneaking around to meet you. Will you ever have her family's approval?

[abdellost]

she never thought of getting married early until she meet me atleast. her friends are not getting engaged any time soon. and if it was, she would have mentioned it to me or said something. for years she been saying we will fight for us, and yes it will be hard. Shabka? her family are upper class but it doesnt mean they are rich. I make more than her dad a month working. The house they live in is not theres and they rent it. i dont know, girls just break it off that mean and harsh cause of idea of marriage? I asked her if its about it and she laughed and said "you dont know me at all?"

[abdellost]

so u dont think she will realize she misses me and want me back at all? after all we done and been with eachother? Okay lets say she sees what your saying, so its over, done with?

[skydiveaddict]

I hate to tell you this bro, but the chances of her coming back to you are very remote. I would stop trying to contact her at all. The only way you can start to get over her is not see or speak to her. If she wants you back, she will let you know. If you keep pursuing her, you're just going to drive her further away