I've made horrible mistake..

[Charlemagne]

I've made such a mistake..

 

She has sent me a Christmas wishes telling me that she misses me so much and can't bear it anymore, that NC drains her life, etc..

 

AND I FAIL. I've broken NC.

 

I've sent her back that I hope everything will be fine one day between us, that I will find a place in my heart for her, that I still love her, and I would like to get her back in my life, maybe not today, not tomorrow, but maybe in few weeks time when I'll be ready to meet her..

 

I'M AN IDIOT.

 

She doesn't deserve it, and now I'm starting to regret every word I've sent. Don't repeat my mistake. Stay strong. Stay NC.

 

Merry Christmas!

Edited December 24, 2009 by Charlemagne

[LovelyDaze]

I've made such a mistake..

 

She has sent me a Christmas wishes telling me that she misses me so much and can't bear it anymore, that NC drains her life, etc..

 

AND I FAIL. I've broken NC.

 

I've sent her back that I hope everything will be fine one day between us, that I will find a place in my heart for her, that I still love her, and I would like to get her back in my life, maybe not today, not tomorrow, but maybe in few weeks time when I'll be ready to meet her..

 

I'M AN IDIOT.

 

She doesn't deserve it, and now I'm starting to regret every word I've sent. Don't repeat my mistake. Stay strong. Stay NC.

 

Merry Christmas!

 

Don't worry. It's never too late to go back to NC. You recognize that breaking NC for you turned out to be a bad thing. For most of us..it will be that.

We all will get thru this much stronger. Real love is waiting!

[Charlemagne]

I'm in the middle of the road to move on. I've made plans, I've set goals and now exactly know what my next steps should be.

 

The situation is still complicated as I said becuase I love her. But at the same time I'm pretty sure when I met another woman I will completely forget about her, and she will be observing that. She didn't give me happiness and my number one priority is to find that yearning happiness in 2010. I'm still crying becuase of her, but day after day I'm stronger and I realized that she doesn't control or have any significant impact on my life anymore. And that's beautiful. I'm the only one who is responsible to make me happy, and I strongly believe that I will be more happy than ever. The best is yet to come and as you said LovelyDaze real love is waiting!

 

This was a mistake and I shouldn't have done that. What should I say to her tomorrow? That this was just a joke? That Christmas atmosphere has spreaded too much? She won't be my girlfriend, but she is definitely willing to cheat on her boyfriend and since she is a hot woman she fooled me. She is needless in my life. I need a loving woman not a hypocritical b....

 

Need insight how to get smoothly out of this sick situation.

[LovelyDaze]

I'm in the middle of the road to move on. I've made plans, I've set goals and now exactly know what my next steps should be.

 

The situation is still complicated as I said becuase I love her. But at the same time I'm pretty sure when I met another woman I will completely forget about her, and she will be observing that. She didn't give me happiness and my number one priority is to find that yearning happiness in 2010. I'm still crying becuase of her, but day after day I'm stronger and I realized that she doesn't control or have any significant impact on my life anymore. And that's beautiful. I'm the only one who is responsible to make me happy, and I strongly believe that I will be more happy than ever. The best is yet to come and as you said LovelyDaze real love is waiting!

 

This was a mistake and I shouldn't have done that. What should I say to her tomorrow? That this was just a joke? That Christmas atmosphere has spreaded too much? She won't be my girlfriend, but she is definitely willing to cheat on her boyfriend and since she is a hot woman she fooled me. She is needless in my life. I need a loving woman not a hypocritical b....

 

Need insight how to get smoothly out of this sick situation.

 

Definitely, leave the situation as it is. There is no such thing as a neat and tidy breakup. Any type of breaking up is nasty and a mess.

Smooth is hard to do at this point so just back away slowly from anymore contact with her.

Time and patience is a gift, but it is a hard gift! I just got around to removing my ex from my Facebook!

 

Take baby steps. If your ex texts or calls the next time, and you just can't resist but to call back, wait at least a couple of hours. Don't seem so eager.

Same goes for e-mail or any other communication like that.

 

Next, wait a full day before contacting. You will feel victorious!

Work on you everyday. We can't change our exes so look out for #1 because that is the only person that is important in this thing.

[Charlemagne]

I just got around to removing my ex from my Facebook!

 

Good for you! Let the past fade away and prepare yourself for better tomorrow it will definitely come!

 

I'm rather impatient person so I like when things are clear. I would like to send her something like I wasn't clear enough in my previous message. There is a will because there is love but this love is going away more and more everyday. Everything that was between us now is just a history and all I care is to keep contact with each other. I'm not interested in friendship or being together. I just want to be nice and show that I don't hate her.

 

Now I'm vulnerable in her eyes and she thinks that she is so powerful and has me back. I would like to show her that situation is very different. I wasn't clear. It was just an impulsive, not a very good response.. Need to clarify a bit.

[Charlemagne]

Guys I need your help.

 

She hasn't responded yet which only makes her less valuable in my eyes. I don't want to prolong tak sick acquaintance with her because that only makes me sick.

 

In my text message I've sent to her on Christmas I've said that I hope we will find some place for each other in the future. Now I know that her place is in the litter bin not in my heart. I would like to correct myself and I'm considering sending her a text message saying that this was a mistake and sorry for that but the truth is kinda different. I need to move on and NC is the best solution to accomplish that so the situation calls for it.

 

What do you think guys, should I send her a message claryfing my last words or just go NC and ignore her when her message arrives?

[dashing daisy]

Sending her another message to clarify your words just lets her know you are obsessing over her, thinking about what you said, worrying about the fact that she hasn't responded. Is that what you want her to think?

 

If not, go back to NC.

[Charlemagne]

Damn, it was so f.. childish sending her this text message. What I was thinking? But you're right. There's no need to make things worse than they already are. The best way to prove to her and to myself that this was just a mistake will be making a significant progress in my life and never contacting her.

 

But I've lost my face, I showed vulnerability and she won once again. What a lame ending..

[Kantor]

A word of advise:

 

Less is more in this case.

 

Everyone does it, regardless of who they talk to but they push their ex's into a corner with OVER COMMUNICATION. Eventually they just see your text/call and ignore or delete without even reading.

 

Keep it short and sweet, limited communication no more then once a day if its very important.

 

Less is more, people want what they can't have.

 

Go NC for you, not her. It will help you clear your mind, heal, and figure out what you really want.

 

Good luck!

[muse08]

Less is more, people want what they can't have.

 

So true...wish we could all just be more transparent...

 

But that would be too easy...

[Charlemagne]

She has just responded. The message is: "Return my love.. :*"

 

Any ideas?

[Charlemagne]

I'm considering something like: "Honey when I was thinking about the time we need apart I meant weeks not days. In our last relation I didn't feel good and now I would like to try something different. Let's behave like we always wanted that is easy and we will see where this will lead us." And then I will not communicate to her for let's say 2 weeks.

 

What do you guys think?

[ordinary_girl]

if you want to talk to her, talk. no point texting

[TaraMaiden]

I'm considering something like: "Honey when I was thinking about the time we need apart I meant weeks not days. In our last relation I didn't feel good and now I would like to try something different. Let's behave like we always wanted that is easy and we will see where this will lead us." And then I will not communicate to her for let's say 2 weeks.

 

What do you guys think?

 

"I'm re-initiating No Contact.

I'm in love with the idea of being in Love with you.

I'm not in love with you.

I think it best we now cease contact.

leave me alone and I'll leave you alone.

Thanks"

 

Send that.

Then stop, cease and desist.

 

And do no more.

Ignore everything and let it go.

[Charlemagne]

Nice point of view TaraMaiden. So maybe:

 

"Honey when I was thinking about the time we need apart I meant weeks not days. In our last relation I didn't feel good and now I would like to try something different. Lack of contact seems to be the best solution for me right now. I'm no longer sure whether I'm in love with the idea of being in love with you or whether I truly love you. Give me time and space and I'll give you the answer sometime soon."

 

Let her think about what am I doing. I think she's jealous becuase there was a girl who was chasing after me when we broke up. Lack of contact + jealousy should cuase her to think that she's made mistake.

[TaraMaiden]

No.

You're being too sugar-sweet and accommodating.

if you patronise her in the way you've outlined, she'll just come back for more, because you're being so nice, you're a pushover.

You're also messing with her head....

"Honey"?

You don't call anyone 'honey' unless they are actually, your current 'honey'. She has a name. Use it. (not on here, I get that. keep anonymity on forum.)

 

then in one breath you say -

Lack of contact seems to be the best solution for me right now

 

-closely followed by -

 

I'll give you the answer sometime soon."

 

This is just yanking her chain.

 

Nope.

you have to be definitive.

let her know NC is in place, and she should view it as a permanent fixture. Full stop.

 

 

Please - just take my advice verbatim - (someone! Just for once!!)

send her the message - exactly as I have given it to you - and have done with it.

[Tasha1675]

I agree with TaraMaiden, you need to be blunt and to the point. I'd either just say you want no contact or just go no contact without saying anything more. There is no point sugar coating it as it will give her hope and she needs to try to move on. It's so hurtful but there's nothing else you can do an one day she will thank you for it. My ex and i were together for two years, lived together, very happy but he ended it as he wasn't ready to settle down. The last things we said to each other was "i love you" and i didn't get how he could really love me and walk away but he has. It's been 10 weeks of no contact and it's hurtful but it's the only way to emotionally unattach yourself. Do the right thing But don't beat yourself up for contacting her, it's so tough when you care.