sweetnovember Posted May 23, 2003 Share Posted May 23, 2003 Hi, i dont know how to start this, my first boyfriend and I broke up last year, after going steady for 3 years, seven months after my break up, i met a guy in a party, he is 3 years younger than I am, two days after the party he invited me to go out, since Im not committed to anyone and i find him cute, so i said yes. Everything seems so fast, at that same night, he introduced me to his family and relatives as his girlfriend, i stayed at their house for 3 days. So i thought he's very serious, and he really likes me, he even introduced me to his Dad (worked outside the country)...Days passed and he didnt even call/text/email me, so i called him to asked why, and I told him I want to cut it off, coz i dont want to be ignored like that...so he started to be sweet and charming, he called everyday, then it happenned again, and so i called him again, it became a pattern. Then one day he invited me to a movie, at the movie i borrowed his cellphone coz i need to call my mom, as I go through his cell, I found a girls' name with a sweet message...i just kept quite, and then after the movie I asked him who's the girl...he told me she's just an old friend...and he doesnt want to talked bout her...and he asked me to respect his past coz he respect mine...so i told him sorry and i do respect his past, but if he cant live his past behind him, it is better if we part ways...at last he told me the truth that he still love the girl, and he dont want to be unfair to me and to himself...so that's it, after a month of fooling myself, we broke up...the sad part is i fall inlove with him (well im not sure myself, but i dont want to loose him) ...what will I do...its been two weeks and he doesn't called me, he is leaving for the US next month...what will I do... It hurts to know that he just used me...to check himself if he can forget his exlove...thats it...so what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
flower Posted May 23, 2003 Share Posted May 23, 2003 It's clear-cut. He has told you his stand. Get over him and start life afresh without him. He's not worth your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetnovember Posted May 23, 2003 Author Share Posted May 23, 2003 I dont know, sometimes when i think bout it, it hurts...i want to asked him why? why does he have to introduced me to his family, why does he have to let me get close to them...why did he let fall in love with him if in the first place he knows he's inlove with someone else...why he's so unfair... Link to post Share on other sites
flower Posted May 23, 2003 Share Posted May 23, 2003 My view: He wanted to test the strength of his manly magnetism, purely an ego trip. It could be he wanted to flirt a bit to get back at the lady he loves as she had done something behind his back and he found out. He can be trying out for a while but discovered you are not his type. That's why the word "fickle-minded" exists so give up on him. Time will do the trick. There are many better ones out there. Live and let live! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetnovember Posted May 23, 2003 Author Share Posted May 23, 2003 thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Gray Posted May 23, 2003 Share Posted May 23, 2003 My guess would be that he had a long term relationship with the other girl. They broke up (most likely her dumping him). And then he found you. And I bet he really liked you. . He had been in a long term relationship so hanging out with the family was normal to him (not thinking that this is a new relationship). Once the normal relationship issues came up "Why don't you call me," etc... he relapsed for his ex. I'm sorry it happened, but he was honest with you it sounds like, and Flowers right, theres tons of us guys out here. You'll find another one. (We're pretty easy by the way, a nice dress and a wink of the eye is enough to ensare us). Chin up tiger... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetnovember Posted May 26, 2003 Author Share Posted May 26, 2003 Hi gray, yeah i know their are lots of guys out there...but im afraid to commit again...coz it seems that everytime i fall in love it is on the wrong guy...you know what...after that break-up i promised myself that from now on...i will have fun...if they can fool around why cant i? Ha ha ha...honestly I dont think I can do it, i belong to a conservative family (except me), a conservative country, and a conservative society...you know what sometimes I asked myself what happenned, what go wronged...im not like this before, im happy with my life...im very content with it, I have a boyfriend (the real one, the first), we planned to marry after my college, we go steady for 3 years and then suddenly he left me for another girl, at that time i thought it was the end of me...ha ha ha...thankfully i have a loving family...they helped me through it... and after seven months of nursing my broken heart i met this latest ex, i thought it was me who has a hang up...it turns out it was him... from what i know through his cousin...he and this girl have no relationship...she's his bestfriend...but his inlove with her...unfortunately this girl is inlove with his best buddy...and when this two have a fight she used him to get back to his boyfriend...funny i thought...he will love me...like he did to this girl...you know what he told me...beauty and sex is not enough basis for love...after what happenned thats all he can say...well he's not good in bed anyway... You know what...i'm not happy with my life...i'm not happy with this kind of life...yeah i have a nice job, i'm confident with my myself...im single, i do anything i like...but it seems something is missing...sometimes i'm putting the blame to my first boyfriend i let him ruin my life...but theres no one to blame except me, its me whos ruining it...i hate this life...i'm going nuts again because of you guys...hahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...whats with them, anyway....ha ha ha.... ciao Link to post Share on other sites
Gray Posted May 27, 2003 Share Posted May 27, 2003 Wow, I know its much easier said than done, but just try not to get too bummed. It really sounds like that guy has a lot of drama following him, and would you really want to be around that constantly? Prolly now you're saying you wouldn't mind but in the long run you're gonna be better off. Drama gets tiring... If it helps, whenever I get down, I keep reminding myself how cyclical life is. If you're down you're not going to be down for forever, and when you're up you're not going to be up forever. Right, you may not feel like committing now, but you'll meet someone who might change your mind. As for cheating on them... well... you're right you can do that, but like you discovered are you really that kind of person? Plus what if you cheat on the nice guy you're gonna meet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetnovember Posted May 28, 2003 Author Share Posted May 28, 2003 hi gray... thanks so much...it so nice hearing someone giving you good advice...thank you...you know what...everytime i feel down...i always open this post and read your message...thanks...i wished i can help you too...i'll look for your post...do you have one? ciao! Link to post Share on other sites
stewh Posted May 28, 2003 Share Posted May 28, 2003 I liked your advice Gray especially the life cycle theory. It's true. Link to post Share on other sites
rintrah Posted May 28, 2003 Share Posted May 28, 2003 Seems like someone's trying to have his cake and eat it too. I've been in a similar situation, and this sounds like a classic case of having a "backup girlfriend." If he admits that he loves this other woman, what's probably happening is that things have not worked out with her yet in terms of starting a relationship. So he's free to pursue her, while being secure in the knowledge that he has you as a backup in case things don't work out. I'd lose him immediately - he'll regret it it later Also, pushing you into close proximity with his family 3 days in is a little unusual. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetnovember Posted May 29, 2003 Author Share Posted May 29, 2003 hi rintrah! thank you for reading my post and for your advice... I'm just wondering...did this guys think bout it sometimes...will they regret they leaved girls like us...bout me...i'm looking forward that someday...he will realized i'm a lot worthy than his girl... You know what...this "lovething" affects me a lot...i'm gaining weight and i cant stop myself from eating...is it a sign of depression? and i think i'm overweight already... Where's youre post? ciao! Link to post Share on other sites
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