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Breaking up...for the 20th time


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sabrinarose

I have been with my ex-boyfriend for over twelve years, (we also have a child together) we used to live together, but because of our differences we have been living apart for over a year...I have our daughter..he visits her ...anyway, we have been trying to end this relationship for a long time, however, we keep getting back together...we end if for different reasons, mine are primarily because he has cheated on me numerous times, lied on a daily basis, hides things and doesn't share anything with me, and for a very long time didn't pay any bills when he was living with me, nor did he pay child support when we were apart, he says I am to loud, argue too much and try to get him in trouble, (he has been physically, and verbally abuse for most of the time)he denies he has this problem, he has gotten better, but still verbally abuses me when he doesn't get his way...I have had to threaten to call the police just to get him to stop the verbal assault and to communicate instead....he says we don't get along, however, we do get along and when we do we have alot of fun and have all the same interests, we like the same music, the same shows the same places...and if he would open up more we could enjoy alot more together...however, everytime we start getting closer to each other and we get along and he is nice he starts getting verbally abusive again and very self centered and bossy, he has always had another woman on the side, which he denies, but says he "loves me" I would like for us to go to counseling, he says he won't go...I would like to see this relationship work out, I really do care for him and I have seen changes in him, i know he is committment shy, and he argues that the reason is because of me....I don't understand this and hope maybe someone else can shed some light on the subject....

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You are in denial. I probably like the same music and movies as you, heck there are only a few genres out there. Doesn't mean our hearts are the same. Just because we like the same songs, means cheating is ok?

 

You seem savvy enough, why go down that road again?

 

There's definitely something out there better than this, it's just on the road you haven't taken.

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I might regret saying this, but I have absolutely no sympathy whatsoever for you, your guy, or your hopelessly pathetic relationship.

 

However, my heart goes out completely to your poor unfortunate child who, through no fault of his or her own, has to live through the private hell of his parents' relationship.

 

Both of you should forget about yourselves and think about how you can provide some peace and emotional stability for your child.

Given your track record together, your best start would be to seperate and never, ever get back together as a couple. On the otherhand, you must still maintain a civil, polite and functional working relationship with each otehr so you can manage the raising of your child in a mature and non-damaging way.

 

And I probably have to spell out this one for you fairly simlpy: Every time you offend your partner in front of the child or WITHIN EARSHOT OF YOUR CHILD, you are ALSO offending your child, because your child shares HALF OF YOUR PARTNER'S GENETIC MAKE-UP.

 

And it DOESN'T HELP matters that sometimes you guys get along and are all lovey dovey. That only adds emotional confusion and chaos to your child's mind and heart.

 

If you are into reading, there is a book by Barbara Coloroso on how sparring parents can get learn to get along for the sake of their kids.

 

Please, break up and sign a peace accord. Stop thinking about yourselves. Instead, think of your sweet child who deserves better than this from mommy and daddy.

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