ingenuelle Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 OK, so here's my story: When I went to college in 97, I hooked up with a guy pretty much right away. We stayed together for about 3 years. During the last months of our relationship, I was attracted to another guy, "Tomas". Tomas and I got together pretty much right after I broke up with my boyfriend. Now it is going on 3 years with Tomas. I am 24 and I feel like I have never really been on my own. I care about my boyfriend, but I feel like I need some time apart to figure stuff out, like what I want to do with my life, etc. I am currently in grad school and I was totally burned out last quarter, so I dropped all my classes. But now, I'm beginning to think that school wasn't the only thing I needed time away from. I feel very guilty about this and I have talked to him about it. Basically it is all or nothing with him. If we are going to have time apart, we break up and he will never speak to me again. I feel very stressed with work and school and feeling like my life is a broken record, so I don't know what to do. I have suggested that I move out and get a little studio apt or something, but he says that he doesn't want a relationship with me that doesn't include living with me. He says that he's put too much into this relationship to take a step backward. So I find myself feeling stuck and frustrated. I need his support, but I need space. Is that selfish? Am I asking too much? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 3, 2003 Share Posted May 3, 2003 1. "I need his support, but I need space. Is that selfish? Am I asking too much?" You don't NEED anybody's support. You would just like to have it without living with him. People who are in relationships who need space are basically feeling crowded. If you cannot get the kind of space you need within the context of the relationship, terminate it. You aren't going to change and neither is he. If you marry this guy, you will still need space and you obviously aren't capable of getting it with him in your life. It doesn't make any difference whatsoever whether or not you're selfish or asking too much. That's not the problem. Your feelings are yours and you have to honor them. However, he is not willing to let you move out without having the relationship seriously damaged and feeling like it's a step backward. If the two of you had a good relationship, you wouldn't need to be totally away from him in order to not feel claustrophic. Therefore, I would say that your feelings of needing space are symptomatic of a worse problem...probably that he is NOT the guy for you. Ladies usually don't want to move away from a guy they're excited about. I can see his point and I see yours. Both are valid. Give consideration to what I have written above. I don't think he's the guy for you and I think you would be lots better off on your own for a while, dating nobody...then dating around until you find somebody you can flip over. Good luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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