black_summer Posted April 16, 2003 Share Posted April 16, 2003 I ****ed up royally this past weekend. I had been dating this girl for quite some time, over a year, and 3 weeks ago, she out of the blue told me that she didn't feel the way she was supposed to and thought we were better off as friends. This really hurt me, and coupled with the grief my dad has been causing me (he's an alcoholic and is pretty abusive, my mother lives on the other side of the country), I picked back up on an old habit of heavy drug use. Two nights ago, i talked to her while i was stoned, and i confessed to having been smoking pot pretty heavily around the time i asked her out, and had continued to do so for several weeks proceeding. After i told her this, she really went off on me and told me that i had crushed all the feelings that had been rekindled recently. i really feel bad now, and suicide has been a recurrent thought. I tried my best to appologize and try to explain myself, but she won't listen. If anyone/everyone could give me advice or feedback, i would appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 16, 2003 Share Posted April 16, 2003 If you are still feeling suicidal, call 911 or other appropriate emergency number in your area. Otherwise see a competent mental health professional, counsellor, therapist, etc. to discuss the issues that are making you feel this way. You have no control over the way people are going to react to your disclosures but you have to understand that most women go out of their way to avoid men on heavy marijuana or other more powerful illicit drugs. When you gave her this information, she probably felt like she had thrown away a year of her life on a relationship that started out fraudulently. I urge you to get help for your drug addiction. If you don't you will be condemned to having relationships with women who are likewise addicted or heavy users and you will find a great deal of pain and chaos in your life as a result. You won't get this lady back but hopefully you have learned from your mistakes and you will take some time now to get your life back in order starting with treatment for your drug addiction. Again, if you may seriously consider suicide....that's a long term solution to a short term problem. I unconditionally guarantee that if you get yourself straightened out you can find a really decent lady who will be dedicated and loyal to you. But you're going to have to do some work and today's the perfect day to start. Link to post Share on other sites
Bethany Posted April 17, 2003 Share Posted April 17, 2003 What a maroon that girl is! You didn't do anything that terrible -- not to HER at least. She needs to be more forgiving and less judgmental. Let her walk a mile in your shoes before she gets on your case, and I doubt she'd do that. I'm sorry, I just don't have much patience with people who heap suffering on those who are suffering already!!!!!!!! You're okay, okay! We've all done things we're less than proud of, and you certainly didn't kill anyone. Please look up, and look around you. There are plenty of other (more loving, forgiving) fish in the sea, babe! Love ya! Link to post Share on other sites
Author black_summer Posted April 21, 2003 Author Share Posted April 21, 2003 i tried really hard, and i even quit for 10 months. It was hard to go through withdrawals from speed and everything. I think my main problem is that i need someone to care about me, and without her i have lost all of that. My self-medication with drugs is only prolonging misery, and i don't want to go thru rehab. I got an email last wednesday informing me that she was moving to tenessee on saturday, and i have yet to talk to her or any of my friends to verify it. Every day just seems like a bad day. I'm sorry if I'm acting like a pussy about all of this, but it really does hurt 24/7. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 21, 2003 Share Posted April 21, 2003 i think your addiction should be the #1 problem in your life right now. Go throuhg rehab, get fully rid of it, and then worry about everything else. That's my view, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
badz2801 Posted April 22, 2003 Share Posted April 22, 2003 #1 Smoking pot is the WRONG thing to do when you have been dumped. I should know, I have smoked more pot than I wish to disclose when my ex left. It makes depression even worse and gives you the wrong picture. You start to feel worthless, coupled by feelings of guilt and insecurity. You will go over what you did wrong a million times. It wont fix a damn thing. You know that feeling of your whole world just went to hell. Well smoking is just going to make it all the more confusing. You know that feeling you get when your high which makes your forget? Well it just comes back the next day twice as bad. If you really want to know what will work. Get out and run a mile a day. You will feel like you accomplished something. You will notice that the endorphines that it releases will help to create a positive outlook. In the end it will help you move on faster, become more confident and your body will be in much better condition. I am sure people care about you. People on this board responding should show you that. But first you have to care about yourself. Needing someone is a dependency just like the drug habbit. Get off the drugs and go out with some friends who dont do drugs. There is a whole world out there that you cant see right now just waiting for you. Good luck man and get the help you need if you need it. Link to post Share on other sites
job Posted April 23, 2003 Share Posted April 23, 2003 I am a recovering addict and alcoholic and my life was definitely on a downward spiral and I felt much of the same feelings you are right now. I still do sometimes, but I can tell you that after I started going to AA and NA everything started to get much easier. In the AA program you are constantly surrounded by people who are going through the same thing and it really helps to have that camaraderie. I was scared at first and I felt dumb about going. Some of their sayings are so cheeeezy, but they are true. I'll tell you I have met the most amazing people through that program and I now have loads of people who genuinely care about me. I'm in a much better place today. I would definitely go running like another person said. It makes you feel great about yourself! Hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted April 23, 2003 Share Posted April 23, 2003 If my b/f told me that he smoked Pot, I would break up with him. For some people it is a big deal. She is not a moron for feeling this way. You say that her father is an abusive drunk/drug taker. Maybe he has done stuff to her while intoxicated and you smoking scares her. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 23, 2003 Share Posted April 23, 2003 Though you might not feel this is the case, I can guarantee you there is at least one person out there who loves you more than you could ever imagine but might not know how to tell you. It might be a family member, it might be a friend, it might be someone you have yet to meet. Whoever it is, though, it's probably killing them to see you bash yourself through drug use, and you just can't see it. That said, try to help yourself through this period -- detox, counselling, AA, whatever it takes to get you clean, because you deserve much much better than this kind of life. But, the only way you can get that better kind of life is to make that step toward it, even if it's baby-steps at first. as a girl, I can see why your chick-friend has called the relationship quits: it's a very scary trip for someone to be asked on when you're trying your best to kill yourself. it has nothing to do about not loving you enough, and everything to do with survival. If you don't value yourself, how can her loving you make a difference in your life? It's like trying to fill a huge gaping hole using a teaspoon. It can be done, but you'll be tired and discouraged because you can't see if you're making a difference by spooning dirt in that hole. Change is always difficult, especially when we've grown accustomed to the life we make for ourselves, but there's almost always something better waiting for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author black_summer Posted April 30, 2003 Author Share Posted April 30, 2003 No, Kat, I said MY father is an abusive alchoholic. And I'm not only struggling with marijuana, but speed as well. I'm seekign out help but she was the one thing i had to look forward to, and now that that's gone i don't have a lot to motivate me to get out of bed in the morning. Link to post Share on other sites
loca Posted May 1, 2003 Share Posted May 1, 2003 Black_Summer, Just wanted to let you know that you are not the only person who has gone through this. I checked out your profile and I noticed you are very young. You need to deal with your depression first along with your drug use. You need to seek counselors in your area who can help you. Talk to your doctor about your depression and also seek drug treatment. I was diagnosed w/ depression at age 21. I got treatment (anti-depressants along w/ some therapy) and now I feel great. Don't get me wrong, I do feel sad and sometimes feel as if I take things a little harder than others, but life is now so much easier. I always told people that I didn't decide each morning if I was going to be happy or sad, that choice was already made up for me when I was depressed. I,like you, had trouble getting up every morning and going to school. I had no interest in anything anymore. I can tell you work on you right now. You are very young and girls are going to come and go. Hardly anyone is still with their high school sweetheart when the grow older. People change and grow apart. With your father's alcoholism and abusive ways you are going to have to have a lot of will power to be different from him. Pot is a depressant and if you were to ever get into trouble w/ the police that is just another problem you would have to deal with. I work in the Criminal Justice Field and everyday I see people who have let drugs destroy them. Get help now and work on getting better. You have to be healthy to have a good relationship. Another girl will come along, but until then get better, hang in there and enjoy your youth. Please keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author black_summer Posted May 5, 2003 Author Share Posted May 5, 2003 I'm frankly gettign sick of myself. My father is, at my aunt's request, sending me to a psychiatrist because of my downward spiraling grades and my lack of self interest. Hopefully this well help, though i know i will have a lack of encouragement from many other sources. Every day I wake up wishing i was someone else. Unfortunately that won't be happening, so i am gonan try to get myself back on track. As for the drug probem, I am becoming even more immersed in speed and dope. I can't lose them right now, they are my one source of nonchalance and escape and are the things i look forward to now. I have since gone on a date with a very beautiful, smart, pretty, girl with interests similar to mine and is interested in me, but it has only intensified my torment. I'm convinced that there is no filler for what I've lost. Damn me. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 6, 2003 Share Posted May 6, 2003 What you have lost is yourself. No other person can fill the void that you are trying to stuff drugs and other stuff into. Listen to the help others have offered. Exercise is extremely good for you - you'd be amazed how much better you can feel if you exercise. You MUST ditch the speed; it is the road to hell. There is a great deal to enjoy about life but you have to be present to enjoy it. Get every bit of help, therapy, and assistance you can. But, in it all, look for yourself not for some outside fulfilment. Nothing and nobody will ever be good enough to fill what you're missing except your good relationship with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted May 6, 2003 Share Posted May 6, 2003 I think my main problem is that i need someone to care about me I'm frankly getting sick of myself I'll tell you one thing I know, addictions have nothing to do with the lack of a healthy relationship. I think addiction is a separate problem. You need people around, but not to kiss and make you feel better, but to be strong and present with your problem. You could use some friends who you can be completely honest with and who will care enough to be aware of your progress. This woman is obviously not providing that because she is being nasty and critical. Addiction is something you seek when you feel unsatisfied in your basal state, and the key for you will be to seek happiniess within yourself. Write this woman off and resolve to improve your life slowly while making the decison to quit running away from your life. Resolve to find a way to love yourself again. Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted May 6, 2003 Share Posted May 6, 2003 I have to fix this. You're right! You have already found the solution to your own problem. But what you need to "fix" is your chemical dependency and not your resulting failed relationships. This is only ONE of the residual side affects of your addiction. Instead of looking to other people to find your "reason to quit," you must first admit you have a problem and GO SEEK HELP with a professional...for yourself, and no one else! Even family and loved ones don't have the skills necessary to get you over the hurdle. All they can provide is love and support. But this WILL NOT be enough unless you are absolutely serious about getting your life back on track. Sympathy and self-pity will only get you so far. It's simply a temporary "fix," much like your chemical crutch. It will be a difficult road, but if you are serious enough...*MAD ENOUGH*...you'll get through it and come out the other side a much stronger person having survived it! Link to post Share on other sites
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