because he is right, should i stay?

[zIngy]

today my b'f and i had it out over his gramma because i did not want to take her to an eye dr. appt. and to eat afterwards.

i do not feel comfortable doing this even though i have known her for five years.

 

now he is saying that i am selfish, lazy, insecure, dependent on him, expecting of others to do things for me but not willing nor wanting to do things in return for them.

 

i never ask anyone to do anything for me, for that reason alone!

i do ask him yes, but i do things in return for him as wel.

 

he spnt the greater part of yesterday running my daughter and me around but bitched about the whole thing.

 

i asked him today for a favor, and this is what i got:

that i am selfish, unwilling to help others, expecting of him to drop everything to run to my resuce blah blah blah.

 

so maybe he is right about me, but i never expect anything from anybody ever!

 

so now i know how he feels about me and i feel like schmidt towards him now and i have my crap all over the bed and ready to be packed and to leave him.

 

i just don't know if i would be leaving for the right reasons right now.

i am angry and hurt by what he is saying and even if i know i am selfish and he is right about somethings that he said about me, does that mean i should have to put up with it, or am i just running from the truth?

 

the reaons i have not left yet is because i am scared to leave. i have places to go but i have to go 16 hours on a greyhound bus, and stay with family.

 

i'm afraid that someone along the road that i will regret having left then i either have to come back and hang my head in shame or keep going because there would be a chance that he would not want me to come back.

 

i am afraid to be alone for so long and away from from comfort and security zone on a bus for so long.

in my heart it is aching to leave him, but also in my heart it is hurting to be told these things over and over again.

 

this is not the first time. i just don't know what to do. i can't seem to think straight right now and am afraid of leaving for the wrong reasons which would be because he is right about me.

 

i did not go to work today for his brother, and now i have already burned one bridge and i have not even left yet!

[zingy]

he called and says can we just bury the hatchet on this subject?

i love you and blah blah blah.

this is also what he does!

 

he says all this crap to me, then calls and acts like nothing was said.

 

i don't which hurts more.

[HokeyReligions]

so he ran you and your daughter around all day, but you wouldn't take his grandmother to the doctor because you just didn't feel comfortable?

 

You say you asked for a favor, but you also say you don't expect anything.

 

What would you have done had he refused to run you and your daughter around all day?

 

You sound pretty selfish and spoiled by your post. What do you want from this relationship? What do you think are reasonable demands to be made on you, and for you to make? I think you need to think about this and talk with your guy about it. If this isn't the first time he's said things like this to you then it sounds as if this conversation is long overdue.

 

No you don't have to put up with being called selfish. You have choices. You can grow up and stop acting like a spoiled, selfish person. Or you can leave. Or you can stay and whine about it until he finally throws you out.

[zingy]

if he had not helped us yesterday then i would of went with out, but i would not of called him names for it!

 

this thing with his gramma was a one time thing, it does not come up every day.

 

aside from this fact about his gramma this arguement didn't even start over his gramma, it started over my daughter again.

 

i simply asked him after he said he would pick her up for me, what time?

 

i never said i would not take his gramma, yes i said i did not feel comfortable, but i never ever said i would not take her!

 

her appt. is tomorrow and his mom had already asked my daugher to take her and she said she would, so i don't even know why she is asking me.

 

this is not about his gramma anyway, this is about, yes i know that i am selfish, but i don't go off on people if they don't want to help me, i may feel bad, but i don't go around calling them selfish and lazy and a host of other names.

 

i don't ever intend to be selfish, i just come off that way, so i guess that maybe i am, but i always help people when i want to help them, but not at their demands either.

 

does that make me a bad person? and you don't need to put me down too.

[moimeme]

Ok, here's the deal. If you are in a relationship, be it with a friend, colleague, or significant other, one of the most important elements of the relationship is the exchange of kindnesses. You say you never ask for anything; well, that does not constitute a relationship. People who care for each other want to do things for each other. If you don't want to do anything for anybody else, then you are indeed selfish and certainly not ready to be in a relationship with anybody.

 

Nobody is 'putting you down'. You yourself said you are selfish and we are just calling a spade a spade.