Lady Phoenix Posted April 9, 2003 Share Posted April 9, 2003 Hello! I am new here, and I have a problem. I'm not sure exactly what category this would fit into, but it sort of deals with breaking up. I'm currently in a relationship (2 years long) and I am not happy. For a year and a half, my b/f didn't show me any emotion whatsoever. Then I met another guy I like over the Internet (for the record, I met my b/f online as well). The problem is, the other guy lives in Europe while I'm here in the States. Now, my b/f all of a sudden is being overly affectionate and constantly reading over my shoulder when I write or receive an e-mail. He also eavesdrops (or rather looks on) as I talk to people online (not just the overseas guy). Over the past few months I feel I don't love my b/f anymore. Last night, I was talking to the guy (with my cam on...nothing dirty mind you!) and my b/f kissed me in front of the camera. He knows how I feel for this guy, and knows that the guy somewhat liked me too. I tried several times to break up with my b/f in the past, but he never takes me seriously. Now, when the overseas guy and I were starting to warm up to each other, he says "Let's just be friends." That broke my heart to hear that. And I knew it was all my b/f's fault. Now I want to break up with my b/f for good, but I don't know how. What should I do? Also, is there a way I can repair what I had with the overseas guy? Please help, because I haven't been able to sleep well recently, because of these problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 9, 2003 Share Posted April 9, 2003 You must be extremely insecure. Find out why and fix that. Your domestic boyfriend did you a favor by ending any possible romance with the guy in Europe. You don't need a "relationship" with somebody who is 3500 miles away. Those are the loneliest and most unfulfilling kinds of associations. You also don't need your current boyfriend, who not only is rude, inconsiderate and who has no respect for your privacy, but he only gives you what you need when his status is threatened. He simply is not equipped mentally to give you the kinds of things you need in a relationship on a continuing basis. All that being said, my advice is to totally terminate the European buddy, just stop talking to him, bust up with your domestic boyfriend and go find a guy who will care about you, love you, respect you, be considerate and generally be a far more acceptable companion than either one of these guys you know now. Good luck. This could be the best month in your entire life!!! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 9, 2003 Share Posted April 9, 2003 Ditto Tony. I'm curious - you said you tried to break up with your bf. Do you live together? If not, why is he still able to come to your home? If he has a key, change the locks and tell him its over. If he refuses to take "bye-bye" for an answer then stay away from him. If he calls, hang up. Don't go places where he is. Avoid him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lady Phoenix Posted April 9, 2003 Author Share Posted April 9, 2003 Yes, Tony. I am insecure. For many reasons...mainly from emotional abuse. I wanna let go, but I am afraid I'll be alone forever. Besides, all the guys in my area are horrible people with no hearts. No, HokeyReligions, he doesn't live w/ me, but he acts like he does. No guy will ever care about me, because there's no such thing as a chivalrous gentlemen, only in fairy tales. But, thank you both, nonetheless your your opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted April 9, 2003 Share Posted April 9, 2003 [color=indigo] To be honest with you, it sounds like you don't know what you want in general. The fact that you are carrying on with other people via the internet in front of your boyfriend speaks volumes itself. Do you ever think maybe you purposely seek people who cannot give you what you need? You said since the beginning of the relationship with your BF he has not been there for you emotionally, etc... Why would you put up with that in the first place? Also, this other dude is from Europe? How convenient that he is overseas and "unavailable". Also, are there not good places where you live to meet people in the flesh? I think this requires you to take a look inside yourself and discover why you are attracted to "unavailable" men. As for breaking up with your boyfriend, you tell him you don't want to be with him anymore. Plain and simple... [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 9, 2003 Share Posted April 9, 2003 Besides, all the guys in my area are horrible people with no hearts. (snip) No guy will ever care about me, because there's no such thing as a chivalrous gentlemen, only in fairy tales. Neither of your statements is true. Do you know every single guy in your area? I seriously doubt it. I would lay money that in some residence in your area, there is some fellow who feels exactly the way you do but neither of you will find each other if you hole up in your homes and quit trying. As for chivalry, it is true that it has fallen out of favour to some degree, but there are always people who still think that sort of old-fashioned behaviour is a good way to behave. You can't find somebody by hoping they'll turn up. If you really want a relationship, you have to do a lot of work. A lady on Oprah decided to date 100 men. She got to about 80 before she found her guy. It sounds, though, that you also need to do some work on your own self-esteem. Is there a counsellor available to you through your school or church or job? It might be worth talking to one. Bottom line: you have to change your thinking about the world out there and the first step is to realize that broad generalizations are never true. Link to post Share on other sites
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