tigerlili10 Posted April 9, 2003 Share Posted April 9, 2003 Two years ago while on holiday I had a fling (thru acquitances) with a 22 yeard old boy (I was 28 then), we shared no feelings whatsoever.. a few months later, my fling happened to visit my town, thru friends I knew he was around, so we hooked up again for one nite.. and that was the end of it... Two years later, (I am now 30), I am in a nite club, I notice a guy lookin at me, he looked quite familiar, he finally came to talk to me, and to my surprise, he happened to be the bro of the guy i had hooked up. He seemed to be really nice and we hit off instantly, I did tell him that I had met his bro while on hol, but did not say that we had been 2gether. He gave me his number and we met for a drink the next day, I was instantly attracted to his character and personality and he was attracted to me as well. He asked me out again, and he told me that he wanted to start seeing me, at that point I had to tell him the truth, to which he accepted and said that was in the past. It has been 2 months and me and him have had the best out of every single moment we are together. However 2 nites ago, we got into a small argument and he phoned his bro, who had no idea until then that the two of us know each other, so he asks his twin if he knows a gal caled so and so, and he says yes and he told him the whole story, after the phone conv, he tells me he cannot continue the relationship. I mean right fm the beginning I told him that I had slept with his bro and it was just a holiday fling, it meant nothing. But he wont accept it now, inspite of us being 2gether for 2 months and we have been very intimate. I really like him very much and i am going thru hell rite now. What m i supposed to do? he just wants to be friends now, claiming that if I had been wit his bro just once then it's ok, but since we hooked up twice it is not ok with him. Please note that he is 25 and I am 30. Was i wrong to pursue this relationship? I serioulsy do like him a lot and I want him back. Had I ever know that I would meet my x in the future, i would have never slept with his bro, but I had no idea at that time during my hol, that my fling even had a bro. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 9, 2003 Share Posted April 9, 2003 What m i supposed to do? Accept the fact that he doesn't want a relationship. If it bothers him - it bothers him. Maybe he didn't think it would, but when push came to shove his feelings changed. Continuing the relationship will only hurt you both more. Was i wrong to pursue this relationship? No, it wasn't wrong. You were honest with him from the onset. Sometimes things just don't work out but you don't know until you try. I serioulsy do like him a lot and I want him back. but I had no idea at that time during my hol, that my fling even had a bro. Why do you want him back if he is uncomfortable or unhappy? It's difficult but it's only been a couple of months and you were just getting to know him. Now you know that this is something he can't live with. You can ask everyone you date if they have brothers, or other relatives or friends, but there is no way to predict the future or know who you will click with. Chalk it up to experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigerlili10 Posted April 9, 2003 Author Share Posted April 9, 2003 Thank u 4 yr reply - but what hurts me the most is the fact that he knew the truth from the beggining, why did he insist that it was the past and he was ok with it, and now he tells me he is not ok with it. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 9, 2003 Share Posted April 9, 2003 Perhaps you put it in nice words, and his brother said something vulgar about your flings. I think all you can do is back off, and if he misses you enough, he'll try to get back to you. For this purpose, I think being friends should only be a label - don't hang out with him, so that he starts missing your company. And if he just lets go - hey, you got others to date. That's my view, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 9, 2003 Share Posted April 9, 2003 What are you supposed to do??? Forget both of these flakes. They come from the same family. The older brother may be 25 but he has the maturity of a 5 year old. To go to a phone, call his brother, and disclose everything about his relationship with you after an argument was exactly the way a child would think and do....and a truly mentally challenged child at that. Unless there are some underlying reasons why you feel more comfortable with unstable, immature young guys why don't you consider dating men at least your own age or slightly older. Even then, you may still find some you are a bit unstable but your chances of finding one of them to be mature will be much greater. As far as your current situation, you need not be friends with either of them. For you to have thought for even a second that your relationship with the older guy would last given your one-nighters with his brother was a gross miscalculation on your part...but I admire you for having the nerve to give it a try. Go find some guys your age and get serious about life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigerlili10 Posted April 10, 2003 Author Share Posted April 10, 2003 *Go find some guys your age and get serious about life* Dating someone 6 years youger than me does not mean that I am not serious about my life... Or do I need to be corrected here? Thank u for your other valuable advise which will help me in my moving on process Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 10, 2003 Share Posted April 10, 2003 YOU ASK: "Dating someone 6 years youger than me does not mean that I am not serious about my life..." No, not at all. But when that person who is six years younger is the brother of somebody you think you're going to get serious about...that's not something that's going to happen...as you have learned. How you thought you could pull this off with such a young chirpie without the brothers eventually talking to each other.... Well, suffice it to say that I think you'll become a bit more serious about some aspects of your life now. Remember, the difference in you chronological age may be six years but the difference in your maturity can, in some cases, be twice that or more. Young people often do not easily keep their mouth shut...and you can increase the odds of them not doing that if they are brothers. Obviously you weren't thinking these two would eventually talk when you started dating the brother...but I new it before I finished reading the second sentence of your second paragraph. Link to post Share on other sites
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