ChronicLeonic Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 (edited) Hey all. First time poster... ...so here's my story. My girl and I just split after a 3 year relationship. She left me for another guy. she's 21, and I'm 26. I admit, the good majority of her leaving is because of my many mistakes as a boyfriend. I had financial issues because of getting laid off. Started having sexual issues too, but we addressed them and I was doing my best to fix them. Well, my best wasn't good enough. I decided to leave an oil town where we lived because the work was dry to live with my brother for awhile. She said she had a better offer there since someone had confessed their feelings for her. She screwed him shortly thereafter and told me we were through and she wanted to be with him. I was devistated. I still am. This all happened a few weeks back. Thing is, I figured I'd been through the worst of the pain, but I haven't. I have horrible dreams where I lose her all over again every night. I try and get her back but I never do. We talked on the phone since and I try to get her back but she just reassures me this guy has way more going for him than I do. She assures me it was all my fault and I deserve to lose her. I agree with her. I mean she always knew I loved her and would try and change, but I guess she lost faith I ever would. She said she fell out of love with me months ago... What kind of man fails the one he loves so badly she leaves over night with another guy? How do I hold my head high again? How can I make this pain stop? How do I forgive myself for failing her? Should I even try to get her back or am I truly damned to suffer this to the fullest and go on living praying a bus will hit me any day and stop my misery? Edited October 5, 2009 by ChronicLeonic Link to post Share on other sites
Janicee Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 I understand your feeling and feel sorry for what has happened. I also left my bf suddenly half a year ago. Though the act seemed sudden, facts were tracable. As me, I think she might have had much bad feeling and experienced accumulated to undertake a tigger off when there is some new stimulations. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 This will help: The No Contact Guide Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 she just reassures me this guy has way more going for him than I do. She assures me it was all my fault and I deserve to lose her. Regardless of the details, she is demonstrating immaturity well below her 21 years, as well as a total lack of understanding or empathy for your situation. I would say that you deserve BETTER treatment than that. Seems to me that she is doing her damndest best to prove that she may not be quite the "loss" that she's deluding herself (and you?) into believing that she is. In any case. Taking her words and actions at face value, as we must, there seems no chance for a reconciliation. And Slim is out of town, too. [so] I agree with GrayClouds that 'no contact' may well be your best step forward. Sorry that you're going through this. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 She's like my ex, making sure you take all the blame. I stayed in limited contact with my ex for a few months after our split and wrote her letters about everything I had messed up, NOT ONCE did I get a single sentence from her along the lines of "yeah, I could have done a better job too." Nothing. People like that are cowards and really need to grow up. Leaving "for someone else" is just cowardice in itself. If you're unhappy with someone, don't hang around waiting for something better, express your concerns and either fix things or leave. But again people like this are too scared to be alone so they wait until they have something new to play with. It will take a good amount of time to heal but you will get there. I did. I was also out of a job during my relationship and it caused a lot of stress, but I still took care of her and dipped into my savings plenty of times to do nice things for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChronicLeonic Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 (edited) Well, now I know what that means. That article was very insightful and quite helpful for me. Still hurts like all hell. I love that girl more than life itself. I pray this healing process really does happen sometime in the future, because as it is, I can't stop feeling like there was so much more I could have done to keep her happy. I work to improve on the things she didn't like about me everyday as though I want to eliminate them in case, god forbid, I fall in love again. I doubt I could take this a second time around. Exit, you rock man. That actually makes a hell of a lot of sense and you may have shone a new light on this I didn't see. She didn't do anything for me ever. In the 3 years we were together she bought me one present...a 70 dollar mouse for my computer. She used to leave me on the holidays to go home. And she always told me I made nothing of myself, but she was late for every job she ever had, doesn't have any ambition except to serve people drinks for the rest of life, and has never worked anywhere for a whole year...yeah, I'm supposed to have all the ambition to better myself? You guys have given me much to think on. I thank everyone who has posted a reply with deepest sincerity. Edited October 6, 2009 by ChronicLeonic Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Still hurts like all hell. I love that girl more than life itself. I pray this healing process really does happen sometime in the future, because as it is, I can't stop feeling like there was so much more I could have done to keep her happy. I work to improve on the things she didn't like about me everyday as though I want to eliminate them in case, god forbid, I fall in love again. I doubt I could take this a second time around. And sorry to say it is going to hurt for a long time. But slowly it fades. And just when you think your over it sneaks up again. But if you do all the things everyone says, exercise, talk it out with friends, lean on family, journal, get angry, get sad and then some more exercise you will get past it I work to improve on the things she didn't like about me everyday as though I want to eliminate them in case, god forbid, I fall in love again. I doubt I could take this a second time around. You will but next time find someone who appreciates you for who you are, you don't have to change to be loved. I suspect, while we are all work in progress, your pretty darn good right now. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 You ex is very selfish and immature. You're better off. Look at it this way, it's better this happened now, then after you dropped 3 to 5 grand for an engagement ring. Or worse yet, after you've been married and had kids. You will heal, the old saying is true, time does heal all wounds. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChronicLeonic Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 She just contacted me on MSN talkin about she still loves me and she's in a screwed up situation. Not sure what she wants, but she's trying to be all stealthy because her new man don't like her talking to me. What the heck? Figured she was done with me. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Mind games, she wants to keep you around in case the new one doesnt work out. Do you think your second best? She does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChronicLeonic Posted October 11, 2009 Author Share Posted October 11, 2009 ...well, it's not nice to rub someone's nose in their mistakes and stuff. This is lame. Think I'm going to have to revert back to NC and delete/block her from msn and all that. God, some girls can be cruel. Link to post Share on other sites
Msbrokenheart Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 well thats what my ex did to me, when he saw me after no contact for a month and after he moved on to someone else, was crying to me saying how much he loves me and misses me, thinks about me at least once a day. i told my guyfriend this and he said "you're his backup girl" ..so the question is do you want to be her "backup guy"?...i sure dont. So just stick with no contact and eventually it will heal, memories will be there but i'm sure we can find better in the future. For the time being just relax and enjoy being single! Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 She sounds horrible. Sorry, but it takes two to make a R work, and two to make it fail. She chose to go off with the other guy, fair enough for her. Keep with NC, forget about her immature a$$ Link to post Share on other sites
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