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I'm very sad


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I as on vacation in Florida over Xmas and I met a great guy who lives in LA, just like me. I took it as a vacation fling untill he sent me the most amazing letter telling me he was so exited about seeing me again, and finally meeting someone like me, etc.

When I got back to LA I called him and we started seeing eachother regularly. We share the same interests, we are both sort of odd people, the kind that doesn't find a good match often. He told me he felt amazing when he was with me, that we make such a good match, all that good stuff I like to hear. He thinks I'm the most beautiful girl ever, and loves the fact that I don't think I am. We have amazing sexual chemestrie and we can talk for hours, and hours, and hours about any topic. I thought we had a good thing, untill last tuesday when he asked me what I thought of our relationship, and I told him I was having fun, enjoying his company, I liked him. Then he hit me with the typical "At this point in my life I don't want a relationship, mainly beacause I may not stay in LA much longer and I don't want to hurt or get hurt if I have to leave" I told him I wished he could just realx and let things happen naturally. That I was willing to risk getting hurt. He said he didn't want a relationship, that he didn't understand what his problem was because he really liked me but didn't know why he felt like he couldn't be with me. But he wanted to live some doors open (???????????) and try to relax about what we have and take it easy, and let things play.

I'm heartbroken. I'm confused. I don't know what to do. Help

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There's nothing you can do. He told you he doesn't want a relationship. Listen to him. He is not lying!

 

Your options are to:

 

1) Walk away now

2) See him casually and don't get attached to him. Date other men also.

 

Either way, he has told you what he doesn't want. It doesn't matter what the reasons are; he does not want a relationship with you. So, protect yourself. If you are not going to be able to see him casually without falling in love, then you have to walk away from this or you are going to get very hurt.

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I think what he said about relaxing is an important key to this. He very well may NOT be looking for a relationship, but that doesn't mean anything. For Pete's sake, why would you want somebody who had set out to find one??? Special relationships happen just like this one and it caught him off guard.

 

When he said he didn't want a relationship, what he actually meant was that this thing is going way too far, is way too good and it would be a lot less frightening if it went much more slowly...and that's the way relationships ought to develop. When things start off on Mt. St. Helen, there's only one way the romantic juices can flow and that's downward.

 

Hang in there, take it easy, have a life of your own and continue to see him. This guy is every girl's dream. A wonderful guy who you can have fun with who will give you the time and space to retain some of your own identity as well.

 

Over time, a bond will form. When initial chemistry takes over (temporary insanity) there is no way for any special close bond to be made. Given time, this can happen. You now have the best of both worlds. You can see this guy when you want....since you have no committment to him. And you can be on the lookout for other matches as well.

 

Why would you want to turn loose what you called a perfect match? Geeze, give the poor guy time to get his balance. The all this happened was a bit overwhelming to both of you. I think it's great and I think you'd be crazy to turn it totally loose. If you play your cards right like a schrewd woman like yourself can, you can land this guy in the palm of your hands. Just don't be so available for him.

 

And don't be like a child who can't have exactly his way so he takes his marbles and goes home.

 

This is terrific!!! You gotta be nuts to walk away from this, even if it's not a forever thing. Give it some time...........................

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I wish I could take my own advice and relax about this whole thing. I'm affraid of it getting more intense, of him realizing he wants to continue things as they were and 3 months from now I get brokenhearted again. What do you think he ment when he said he wanted toleave some doors open (????)

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YOU ASK: "What do you think he ment when he said he wanted toleave some doors open."

 

If you read my post carefully you would have an idea of the answer. He would like to continue seeing you but not with such intensity. That's the way it should have started off anyway. Whenever a relationship starts off like gangbusters, there's always the chance of this happening.

 

If you want to remain friends and go out with him in a cool fashion, that would leave the doors open. If not, bid him farewell and move on.

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