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giving a relationship a break


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Earlier this week, my girlfriend of two years suddenly tells me she requires a break form the relationship. She has done this before to me, due to stress with work, school, homework and no time for herself.

Last time it was for three weeks, which turned into three months. This time she asked for three weeks again. Maybe it's due to PMS, maybe the stress of tax time, for she works in an accounting office, also attends school two nights a week with homework and all that.

We do not live together. She has her own apartment and lives with her cat. I have my own house and live with my two daughters, a dog and two cats.

The last two years have led us to love each other very deeply, or so I thought. Upon reading posts to another discussion board, I learn that her attitude is that she doesn't know if she even wants the relationship to continue.

I'm hanging in the wings here waiting and wondering of the outcome, agonizing to a point whether she loves me or not.

The three weeks has just begun, however, do I really need to be left hanging like this, without a clue as why it is even happening?

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Whether or not she loves you is not the question here. This is the second time she has asked for a break from the relationship.

 

First, how do you feel about being with someone who doesn't know if she wants the relationship to continue? You have two children to think about and you don't need somebody in your life who is ultimately going to create chaos and heartbreak. Maybe I'm a little too romantic but I've always felt that the special person in my life ought to want to be with me more than anything in the world....without the need for breaks.

 

Would you want to marry someone who periodically wants to split from the family to be alone for three months at a time? Would you want to be married to someone who, each night, you slept next to wondering just when she's going to get hot feet again...or just where she is emotionally in terms of the relationship?

 

Mature people in relationships learn to pace their lives and their time with each other so stress can be managed. Instead of taking a break entirely, she could just see you for a few hours a week for a while...if she really cared.

 

You can do what you want. But there are some serious danger signs which you are not seeing in your love daze...which, incidentally, she obviously doesn't have. People don't take breaks from those they love and care about deeply unless they've got some serious problems. Even if she loves you, it's all for naught if she can't deal with life and you at the same time.

 

I'd go ahead and give her the break she has requested. However, let her know that if it goes beyond a month you just can't permit your emotions to be jerked around like this. Tell her you love her and you want to have the time to find someone who is absolutely SURE they want to be in a relationship with you.

 

If it were me, she'd be history. I've never been one to hang around people who don't want to be with me. If somebody needs a vacation from me, I give them a lifetime pass.

 

Please don't allow yourself to be jerked about by this or any other lady!

 

And, by the way, if these breaks are due to PMS she sure has long cycles. Get her to a doctor ASAP!!!

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Well, I did it. Now I just got to get through the pain of it.

I really don't want the relationship to end, but no sense trying

to make it happen by myself. It really hurts like hell right now.

Talked with her last night. Exchanged personal belongings and such. It's still a hugh loss in my life. Hope I get through it quickly.

Don't expect to hear from her for a while, but I left the door ajar.

Set some ground rules between us, for any future contact.

My stomach hurts, my head feels like a balloon. Want to grieve and get it over with, but having some difficulty letting go.

Damn, I wish it were a dream. It feels like a nightmare.

I miss her.

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time heals!

just keep yourself busy, - eat well, sleep, maybe go work outs or just jog outside. and don't forget to go out w/ friends! even if you don't feel like leaving home, you'll feel better once u'r at a club or at a party.

 

best of luck,

-yes

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Would like to go out and take a walk, but I can't.

Have a broken leg since February. Can't walk without crutches.

No appetite, tried forcing food down, but can't keep it there.

Shaking like crazy alot too. Feel like crying, but it won't flow.

I want to hold her so much, but I promised not to call her.

Don't have to many friends, don't go to clubs.

Exhausted, but can't sleep. People I know are working during

the day, with thier families at night. I'm here in this house so

alone right now, can't stand it. Don't even care to put on the TV.

My heart is broken....

Waiting to heal....

Silence....

Time.....

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HokeyReligions

Spend time with your kids. Play board games. If they are not there play fetch with the dog. Hug the dog & cat. You need to be proactive and not try to be passively entertained.

 

It will get better and based on your original post, I would say you've done the right thing.

 

My husband and I broke up a few times when we were having problems - but went to counseling and got back together. Now, when I am so stressed from work and home, I may take a weekend away by myself. I go to a nice hotel and take books and bath salts and just veg for a couple of days. It's not a break from the marriage - just a stress reliever. I used to work in tax accounting for O&G companies. I spent a few nights at work during tax time and I know what that is like.

 

A break-up is something different. I'm sorry you are hurting now, but know that it will get better.

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A break-up is something different. I'm sorry you are hurting now, but know that it will get better.

 

 

 

is this a break-up?

 

or just a break?

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Hi all...I guess i should let you know who i am...

 

I am the woman Eddie is speaking of.

 

Let me say first, that, i think you all are giving him such warm, loving, compassionate suggestions and advice.

 

I agree with you all...

 

 

I would like to just say that i do Love Eddie...he is a wonderful wonderful man...and i'd be nutz to give him up without a fight.

 

It's not him, it's me...

as much as i hate to use a lame cliche, that's the way it is at this point.

 

Maybe i just need some time for me..not just one day, for me to get my laundry and domestic things done...but for me...whoever the hell i am. and that's what i'm looking to find out.

 

I never ever meant to hurt Eddie...i think you know that, Eddie.

 

I'm so so so sorry that you are going thru all of the pain right now...and it's because of my insanity that it's happening.

 

I don't know what to say...

 

I miss him too...

 

but, I also miss me...I was getting to know who i am...and then got involved in this relationship...and i know...i can still be me, while in this relationship...but for some reason i'm having a really hard time with that.

 

I feel that if i am in a relationship, i need to give all i can give...and at this time of my liife...I don't feel that I have much to give to a relationship...however, i don't want to loose you, Eddie. I really don't. However, i can't expect you to just sit around and wait for me to decide what it is i want and who i am...

 

I respect and admire you, Eddie. for lots and lots of things...especially the strong stance you are presently taking.

 

I'm sorry if you feel that i am intruding in your space by posting here...I just had to let you know how i feel. and that i'm really sorry that you are hurting so much. I never meant to hurt you that way...

 

If you would like, i will not come back here...

or

if you would like, i will come back here and maybe the others can shed some light for us, as well...

 

 

Peace Be,

Happy

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I want to get through this quickly, but too many things are

against me. Sitting in this house with a broken leg, unable

to do anything. It's difficult just getting something to drink,

can't walk without the use of both crutches.

Have no interest in anything.

Weather is cloudy gray skies and cold.

Want to sleep, but sleep won't come.

Try to work on computer, vertigo bothers me.

Can't sit erect without getting dizzy.

Try to meditate, it's all so dark.

Everything on the radio reminds me of her.

Nothing on the television of any interest.

I guess I come here to try to vent or journal these feelings.

Time seems to go so slowly right now.

Find myself watching the clock, hoping it would go faster.

A watched pot never boils comes to mind.

I want to hold her, to make love to her again.

I don't want to do without her.

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So you broke your leg and needed her most and she decided she needed a "break" as well. What a bxtch!!!

 

Get over her. She's way too creepy for a nice guy like you. Any woman who would abandon you at a time like this is not worth your time. Believe me, life is tough and you need a partner who is on your side, who will love you always, who will know what she wants, and who won't leave when the chips are down.

 

Count yourself among the lucky to have found out what a dud you had before you had three or four kids.

 

Hope you get better soon. Meanwhile, stop being so down and celebrate.

 

I also resent this Happy lady, who says she's your ex, chiming in and invading your privacy on this forum unless you asked her to do so. That wasn't a good idea because she really showed her butt here. Edging in on your space in the network forum is pretty slimy....and please don't use this forum to communicate with her. Do so by private email.

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