conehead Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 It is the worst when I wake up in the morning...I wake up and all the anger, hurt, missing him all hit at me like a ton of bricks. I'm fine for the most part throughout the day but that feeling in the morning is what gets at me. It's been a month since he broke up with me (I called him once for closure 2.5 weeks after the breakup though I did not mention once at all I wanted a second chance, but that was all, haven't talked since). How do I stop feeling like this in the morning? Also, I was ok for the most part for the past 2 weeks after that phone call. But suddenly in just the past 3 days I have these really dumb thoughts of calling my ex to tell him that I love him and that I want to work things out between us. Isn't that ridiculous?!!?!?! Even though this guy hurt me and did it when me and my family were already in pain (right after my uncle passed away), I still somehow conjure up reasons to think that I should call him and ask him for a second chance. I keep thinking if only I tell him that I love him and I'm willing to change, that there is a chance. How do I stop myself from thinking this way??? I’m really scared that with just one weak moment I’d pick up the phone and make a huge mistake! Help!! Link to post Share on other sites
JaggedRoad Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Don't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 It is the worst when I wake up in the morning...I wake up and all the anger, hurt, missing him all hit at me like a ton of bricks. I'm fine for the most part throughout the day but that feeling in the morning is what gets at me. It's been a month since he broke up with me (I called him once for closure 2.5 weeks after the breakup though I did not mention once at all I wanted a second chance, but that was all, haven't talked since). How do I stop feeling like this in the morning? Also, I was ok for the most part for the past 2 weeks after that phone call. But suddenly in just the past 3 days I have these really dumb thoughts of calling my ex to tell him that I love him and that I want to work things out between us. Isn't that ridiculous?!!?!?! Even though this guy hurt me and did it when me and my family were already in pain (right after my uncle passed away), I still somehow conjure up reasons to think that I should call him and ask him for a second chance. I keep thinking if only I tell him that I love him and I'm willing to change, that there is a chance. How do I stop myself from thinking this way??? I’m really scared that with just one weak moment I’d pick up the phone and make a huge mistake! Help!! You need to stop obsessing over this. You had fundemental differences (ie. sex before marriage) and it didnt' work out. He's clearly moved on and now you need to focus on yourself. Come on now, you're stronger than this. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Hi Conehead. I think you'd feel worse for calling him. Doing that wont make the mornings any better. Might just make them worse. Take strength from the fact you havent given in to these feelings yet in the past few weeks and feel good about yourself for doing that. Its hard. I find that in the weeks since my ex and I broke up, I'm mostly ok now, Still talk about her way too much but otherwise ok. BUT, I do have horrible horrible black days about twice a week and sometimes during those periods I do have an urge to text or call her. Thing is I realize that the texts i sent her in the first few days after the breakup now embarrass me and I wish I'd never have written them. Nothing bad or anything to be ashamed of in them, Just told her i loved her and missed her. But guess what? They didn't make me feel anything but weak. And they didnt bring her back. Only sent a few - none begging her to come back even. not much to feel embarrassed about at all. But the point is, they didn't do any good. Achieved nothing. Just make me cringe. And now im starting to realize that although I still love her, im not entirely sure why. And Im starting to see that theres gonna be a time when I wont love her.. And she doesnt deserve those feelings anyway. If you have differences that cant or wont be resolved, then calling or texting your ex isnt going to achieve anything much apart from undo any progress you've made and make you feel worse. Remember its your feelings that matter here. Bad enough when someone else hurts you. But its worse when you've done it to yourself. Dont call. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 How do I stop feeling like this in the morning? The best way is to not give yourself very much time to think about it -- jump out of bed ASAP, do some push-ups, take the dog for a walk (borrow the neighbour's, if you have to ), do some housework, read the newspaper...ANYTHING to stop your mind from going places you don't want it to go. And, when your mind does wander off, gently but firmly request it to think about...something else. Count to 300 in 17s, recite a poem, prayer or lyrics of a song. Let your mind know that YOU are in charge, and just keep practicing staying in charge. After a while, it does get easier to manage those unwanted thoughts. thoughts of calling my ex to tell him that I love him and that I want to work things out between us. Isn't that ridiculous?!!?!?! Not "ridiculous", no...just part of the grieving and healing process. It would only be unwise for you to give in to such thoughts/urges. I suspect that you know, intellectually, that it's not just a matter of you wanting to work things out -- so, you could keep reminding the part of you that is saying, "I want", that it does not matter what it wants...the object of its' desire ALSO has a say, and he has said, "No, I do NOT want." Sorry you're going through this. I know it is very difficult and painful. Big hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 It is the worst when I wake up in the morning...I wake up and all the anger, hurt, missing him all hit at me like a ton of bricks. I'm fine for the most part throughout the day but that feeling in the morning is what gets at me. It's been a month since he broke up with me (I called him once for closure 2.5 weeks after the breakup though I did not mention once at all I wanted a second chance, but that was all, haven't talked since). How do I stop feeling like this in the morning? Also, I was ok for the most part for the past 2 weeks after that phone call. But suddenly in just the past 3 days I have these really dumb thoughts of calling my ex to tell him that I love him and that I want to work things out between us. Isn't that ridiculous?!!?!?! Even though this guy hurt me and did it when me and my family were already in pain (right after my uncle passed away), I still somehow conjure up reasons to think that I should call him and ask him for a second chance. I keep thinking if only I tell him that I love him and I'm willing to change, that there is a chance. How do I stop myself from thinking this way??? I’m really scared that with just one weak moment I’d pick up the phone and make a huge mistake! Help!! OP, you need to remind yourself of a few things. YOU feel like you want to work things out, he does not. He broke up with you and again; you had fundamental differences. You have no control over the breakup, and you can't just tell him you want to get back together and have it all snap into line for you. It doesn't work that way. Secondly, wether it was because you didn't want to have anymore sex until marriage, or because your alleged paranoia reminded him of his mother; this guy did not, could not accept YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 Ok thx everyone. I needed this slap in the face!! Now, back to moving on and focusing on other more important things in life. Such as taking my first art class today Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Ok thx everyone. I needed this slap in the face!! Now, back to moving on and focusing on other more important things in life. Such as taking my first art class today There ya go. Link to post Share on other sites
almita Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 I know how you feel !!!!!!! BUT TRY NOT TO CALL HIM ! You will only hurt yourself, I am the worst person to give any good advice I am on day 27 of NC but I know I am in NO position to stay cool if he tells me things I do NOT want to hear ! So be good to yourself and call a friend instead. Be strong hugs Almita Link to post Share on other sites
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