What were your breakup warning signs (if any)

[mimiminx]

Dumped over a month ago. I've been agonizing over the "signs" that I might have missed. The problem is that I didn't have very many... none of the classics I guess. Together over 2 years, planning on marraige, making plans for the next week, month, Christmas, and 5 years from now up until the last day. Never got the lack of sex, intimacy, affection. That was so strong the entire time. He never pulled away or started to spend more time away from me. In fact it was the opposite.. he was, like he always had been, thrilled about spending as much time as possible with me. Whenever I went out with a friend, or did my own thing, he was anxious to see me and asked when I'd be back or to meet him when I was done. We did almost everything together. We had romantic dates, even the week before he left. No secretive phone calls, no staying out late or changing his appearance in any way, none of those things. (In fact, I was in a 4 year relationship before this one and I saw ALL of the signs so I know what they are)

The ONE sign I got was him having moments of being introspective and "far away" once in awhile. Also, in the last week or two before he left, he was getting irritated at me for the stupidest little things sometimes, like not wrapping the food up properly or not discussing with him what we should bring to a friend's party. Ok, and here's the big one: he mentioned and was seriously considering moving into his own place (within the month before he left), but we'd still stay together. He changed his mind because he felt things were going better for us (this was all in 2 weeks before the breakup). We had actively started looking for a place to move the following month (which would have been this month). We agreed to put in our notice on a specific date, we drove around for 2 hours looking at places, getting applications, making appointments. The next day he bails. I still don't get it.

Those are my signs; any input or experiences?

[adamt]

My ex was keen to get a house together. Maybe you ex is scared of commitment

 

after we broke up i looked back and picked out the folloeing warning signs i missed:-

 

 

• Starts going out with friends more
  
• They stay over less often
  
• They have less time to see you
  
• they want to go out in a group rather than just with you. They spend more time talking to other people rather than be next to you.
  
• Start going to the gym a lot and have a make over
  
• Spends more time on the laptop/internet when with you in the same room/house
  
• Sex stops or drops to a minimum
  
• they go quiet or start to go distant
  
• they start to nit pick at things that were never a problem
  
• you speak less online or on the phone(less texting too)
  
• they go to bed/sleep earlier
  
• they sleep facing away from you
  
• they stop making plans for the medium and long term, like holidays and settling down
  
• they start to roll their eyes or talk under their breath
  
• they dont laugh at your jokes anymore
  
• they dont return compliments or as touchy feely
  
• They are reluctant to be seen naked infront of you
  

[mimiminx]

Yeah, fear of commitment totally. All the signs you listed, maybe one of 'em I could relate to. None of those things happened for me. Would be easier to understand if they did, ya know?

[adamt]

If there were no warnings signs could there be a chance there is someone else he is seeing?

[mimiminx]

No. I would have known if that was the case. Seriously that one's out of the question. He left San Diego and went to Portland where he hasn't been for 8 years (where he's from). Don't get me freaked out! We have tons of mutual friends so I think someone would have a clue, including me. Absolutely no evidence or suspicion of that.

[DSM2709]

My situation was simple. I was too much of a "nice guy" and so she took advantage of me. I didn't stand up for myself, or have a backbone. I didn't want to "rock the boat" if you will. I found phone numbers, explicit text messages, and boy she could lie her a$$ off. Very quick witted, and always had an answer for anything and everything. Eventually it all just came to ahead and...well now it is what it is. We are however still friends, don't ask me why.

[soheartbroken]

Mostly writing this to get it out of my system...and because you asked. A lot will be similar to Adamt:

 

- Going out more with friends, making more plans (NOT WITH ME!!!), staying out later

- More time on internet and facebook (and is now, post break-up, on msn a lot)

- Getting into new activities

- Making new friends, in particular with one "special" person...

- Less affection, intimacy

- Pulling away from my attempts at intimacy/affection

- No KISSING!

- No saying "I love you" unless in response to me saying it

- Irritability

- Would not take me out on a date

- Would make plans on weekends to avoid going to my parents' with me

- Not returning calls as much, not checking messages, difficult to get a hold of

- Then one big thing which really triggered the breakup, which was not calling for an entire night, and I was almost about to go out looking for her

 

One of these things, not a huge deal. Combine them all = gonna be dumped soon! And I was.

[9Lives]

this is hot!!! I wish I knew about this cause I was sooo in love I could figure it out but you best believe I am taking notes so I can make sure I get it next time. Just walking around not being a SMART GIRL. Women need to be alert cause these men for the most part of full of s/hit. Some gals are pretty bad too.

[fofiffs]

My ex was keen to get a house together. Maybe you ex is scared of commitment

 

after we broke up i looked back and picked out the folloeing warning signs i missed:-

 

 

• Starts going out with friends more
  
• They stay over less often
  
• They have less time to see you
  
• they want to go out in a group rather than just with you. They spend more time talking to other people rather than be next to you.
  
• Start going to the gym a lot and have a make over
  
• Spends more time on the laptop/internet when with you in the same room/house
  
• Sex stops or drops to a minimum
  
• they go quiet or start to go distant
  
• they start to nit pick at things that were never a problem
  
• you speak less online or on the phone(less texting too)
  
• they go to bed/sleep earlier
  
• they sleep facing away from you
  
• they stop making plans for the medium and long term, like holidays and settling down
  
• they start to roll their eyes or talk under their breath
  
• they dont laugh at your jokes anymore
  
• they dont return compliments or as touchy feely
  
• They are reluctant to be seen naked infront of you
  

 

Wow after reading these signs and now that I look back, these were all the signs my ex was showing before she broke up with me.

[EsmerKiss7]

My ex was keen to get a house together. Maybe you ex is scared of commitment

 

after we broke up i looked back and picked out the folloeing warning signs i missed:-

 

 

• Starts going out with friends more
  
• They stay over less often
  
• They have less time to see you
  
• they want to go out in a group rather than just with you. They spend more time talking to other people rather than be next to you.
  
• Start going to the gym a lot and have a make over
  
• Spends more time on the laptop/internet when with you in the same room/house
  
• Sex stops or drops to a minimum
  
• they go quiet or start to go distant
  
• they start to nit pick at things that were never a problem
  
• you speak less online or on the phone(less texting too)
  
• they go to bed/sleep earlier
  
• they sleep facing away from you
  
• they stop making plans for the medium and long term, like holidays and settling down
  
• they start to roll their eyes or talk under their breath
  
• they dont laugh at your jokes anymore
  
• they dont return compliments or as touchy feely
  
• They are reluctant to be seen naked infront of you
  

 

 

Yup that about covers it... all these lead up to the big warning sign i.e. the weekend before my ex left me I talked to him earlier in the day he said he'd call me back and didn't, I texted him, he never responded, and when i called that night his phone was off. He didn't return my call til the next afternoon and had the crappy "fell asleep" excuse. It was kind of sudden, all signs happened in a matter of idk 3 weeks.. Unfortunately he was cheating on me, but than again it was a little easier for him to get away with it because it was an LDR.

[mimiminx]

I didn't get ANY of these signs, the only one was he was more irritable with me than usual. I kinda wish I did... makes it SO confusing:(

[adamt]

I didn't get ANY of these signs, the only one was he was more irritable with me than usual. I kinda wish I did... makes it SO confusing:(

 

Sounds like he had the balls to dump you early on. Usually the warning signs are when the dumper hasnt found the courage to dump you. Ideal world for them is the that they annoy the dumpee so much that the dumpee does the dumping and then they(the original dumper) can walk away without any guilt.

 

I think my warning signs started with 3 months to go. She was goign to the gym a lot to lose weight. Her mom was terminally ill and i assumed that was stressing her out. I thought the lack of sex was brought on by stress, Trying to initiate sex with her became very hard work. which then in turn made me step away as it was hard work to get affection from her. then the communication breaks down and things start to snowball. and i felt like i was walking on eggshells and she ends up just nit picking all the time. It can be hard to pick up the warning signs because they might be sending out mixed signals. on one hand they are wanting to buy a house on the other hand they are starting to distance themselves.

 

We went out in a group a few times, i noticed she didnt talk to me that much and wasnt by my side. I mentioned it and she just said she has always mingled with people on nights out. So i thought i was over reacting.

She stopped getting our sense of humour we had developed. She then went quiet and i started to find it hard to start conversations with her. She used to be really chatty. She was tellign me less and less on what was goign on elsewhere in her life. her mom passed away and she never got closer to me, instead she got closer to her family. She didnt seem to want to use my shoulder to cry on or talk about things. I was finding it hard wondering how to react and support her when i was getting no feed back

 

At the end she said we had very little in common and she felt we had missed out chance. Hard to understand because 5 months earlier we were singing from the same songsheet and planning for the future. I could have done things better but i think her moms death affected her. she moved jobs 18 months earlier and got pally with a few girls there. She definately changed. she is very independent and never had a problem being on her own.

[mimiminx]

Sounds like he had the balls to dump you early on. Usually the warning signs are when the dumper hasnt found the courage to dump you. Ideal world for them is the that they annoy the dumpee so much that the dumpee does the dumping and then they(the original dumper) can walk away without any guilt.

 

I think my warning signs started with 3 months to go. She was goign to the gym a lot to lose weight. Her mom was terminally ill and i assumed that was stressing her out. I thought the lack of sex was brought on by stress, Trying to initiate sex with her became very hard work. which then in turn made me step away as it was hard work to get affection from her. then the communication breaks down and things start to snowball. and i felt like i was walking on eggshells and she ends up just nit picking all the time. It can be hard to pick up the warning signs because they might be sending out mixed signals. on one hand they are wanting to buy a house on the other hand they are starting to distance themselves.

 

We went out in a group a few times, i noticed she didnt talk to me that much and wasnt by my side. I mentioned it and she just said she has always mingled with people on nights out. So i thought i was over reacting.

She stopped getting our sense of humour we had developed. She then went quiet and i started to find it hard to start conversations with her. She used to be really chatty. She was tellign me less and less on what was goign on elsewhere in her life. her mom passed away and she never got closer to me, instead she got closer to her family. She didnt seem to want to use my shoulder to cry on or talk about things. I was finding it hard wondering how to react and support her when i was getting no feed back

 

At the end she said we had very little in common and she felt we had missed out chance. Hard to understand because 5 months earlier we were singing from the same songsheet and planning for the future. I could have done things better but i think her moms death affected her. she moved jobs 18 months earlier and got pally with a few girls there. She definately changed. she is very independent and never had a problem being on her own.

 

Wasn't early on... it was after over 2 years together... ???

[adamt]

No, sorry i meant . He did it early on when he started having doubts. Warning signs happen when they are thinking about splitting up but might not have the guts to do it. You said he was getting irrated by the slightest little things, that is a classic warning sign. Just sounds like you were at the begining of things changing. Because you were goign to move intogether then he had to do it now. see below

 

The ONE sign I got was him having moments of being introspective and "far away" once in awhile. Also, in the last week or two before he left, he was getting irritated at me for the stupidest little things sometimes, like not wrapping the food up properly or not discussing with him what we should bring to a friend's party. Ok, and here's the big one: he mentioned and was seriously considering moving into his own place (within the month before he left), but we'd still stay together.

 

 

 

Or maybe something is going on with him that you werent aware of. He has eyes on someone else for example.

 

like to add in my case i think facebook didnt help, she got back intouch with old friends and spent more time on it when we were sat together.

[mimiminx]

There is no one else involved, I am sure of that.

[neveragain2493]

For me:

 

- Stopped using terms of endearment.

- Never indicated missing me or seeing me again.

- One word answers over conversation.

- When I asked what was wrong, he said he 'didn't feel well'.

And the most obvious, he began talking to his ex again. Yep.