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He dumped me and is still contacting me.


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Okay, at the beginning of the summer after a while of not getting along I get, I wouldn't be upset if you found someone else. Wow. Okay, I get up and say, I can find a man who can respect me and love me and that's what I'm gonna do so,take care.

 

Then the next week I get asked out and I move on and start dating the new guy. Then the calls start with I think about you every day and I miss you. What? I don't respond. Then a text I love you. I don't respond. Now a month in I get a, can I take you out for your bday? I don't respond. On my bday I'm out with new guy and we walk in and there he is. I thought he saw me the date is on the other side of the room so I walk over cause he is sitting with my friends brother trying to be cordial I say hello. He grabs me (I'm all dressed up looking very pretty) and says baby where have you been? I wanted to take you out for your bday! I push his hands off me and say I am out for my bday I'm just saying hello and have a good evening and went back over to my date. He immediately left in a huff and then started with the texts indicating I was sleeping with the new guy and that I was a player neither of which are or were true. The next morning I get a voice mail telling me that we was immature and not nice by sending the text messages and he was jealous seeing me with another guy but he hopes I had a nice time and a nice bday. Then I get a bday card which was obviously mailed before he saw me thats says he's sorry for what happened and thinks of me all the time...had hoped to take me out to dinner for my bday but he knows I don't want anything to do with him...have a good summer and he misses me and wants to kiss me. What?

 

Then I get picture texts of flowers then he sees me out and ignores me and starts calling the bartender sweetie and buying shots for all these girls around him...fine I ignore him too even though two days earlier I get the text pic of flowers. He leaves by himself I stay surrounded by men I went to High School with and I never say a word to him.

 

Then I see him out and he ignores me. I'm home in bed at 1am I get a text that lets me know he was watching me and makes a somewhat sexual comment. I ignore it.

 

Then he leave me a nasty message I don't respond so he calls me and leaves a message saying since I didn't get a nasty response from you I thought I would just call and see how you are...You've been on my mind a lot and I'm dreaming about you so I wanted to make sure you were ok. Ok? He just saw me a few days earlier. I don't respond

 

Now I'm out with the new guy it's been almost 3 months so he knows I'm still seeing him. I get a picture text that doesn't go through so I don't know what it was. Then he sends some text and at the end it says take care. I don't respond. Then he sends a joke email no message just the joke. I don't respond. Last week I get two calls back to back no message.

 

So, guys can you help me out here? If you tell someone basically go move on, which is what he did and I do just that, like I said I would, why would 1. you be jealous and 2. still contact the woman 3 months later? What does he want?

 

I realize some of these texts were after he was drinking but most of them were in the morning or during the day. I am 47 and his is 51. I don't get it

 

Any thoughts?

 

Thanks.

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Hey!

Firstly, when he said he wouldn't be upset if you found someone new, that's his way of seeking reassurance. What he's doing now is trying to repair his deflated ego by trying to succeed at getting you back. After all, you walked away from him willingly one- the ultimate victory for him would be to get you to change your mind and come begging back!

Be happy with your new guy. He must be the better man if he doesn't grab you, make lude inappropriate sexual commennts at you, diss you through messages and then blame it on frustration of missing you. It's a cover up! Don't fall for it- he's a grown man and should start acting like one and admit defeat! If you are almost sucked in, remind yourself of the reasons you walked away that first time.

Good luck hunni! X

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Hey!

Firstly, when he said he wouldn't be upset if you found someone new, that's his way of seeking reassurance. What he's doing now is trying to repair his deflated ego by trying to succeed at getting you back. After all, you walked away from him willingly one- the ultimate victory for him would be to get you to change your mind and come begging back!

Be happy with your new guy. He must be the better man if he doesn't grab you, make lude inappropriate sexual commennts at you, diss you through messages and then blame it on frustration of missing you. It's a cover up! Don't fall for it- he's a grown man and should start acting like one and admit defeat! If you are almost sucked in, remind yourself of the reasons you walked away that first time.

Good luck hunni! X

 

He seemed like he really wanted me gone I mean he didn't call me the whole weekend he blew me off so It didn't seem like he wanted reassurance it seemed like he wanted me gone. So I don't need to be told twice that I'm not wanted. So, this is just a game? He never said I want you back but it's weird right? I mean my guy friends said do not respond and he will go away. It's been three months I'm just surprised he's still contacting me. This kind of stuff never happened to me in High School when it would have been expected I guess but at this point in my life? I'm flabbergasted.

 

Thanks for your response.

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It sounds like you're already doing a pretty good job at keeping your cool with him, but you do have a right to move on too- he should recognise that. Your friends are right- he will stop in time if you don't play his games so keep calm and strong. You can tell him cooly and calmly if he calls one day that you are done and you want no more after this convo, end of, and see what he says to that.

You're a lucky lady to have such attention but it's understandable that more often than not it's the wrong person, wrong time and wrong place for it!

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It sounds like you're already doing a pretty good job at keeping your cool with him, but you do have a right to move on too- he should recognise that. Your friends are right- he will stop in time if you don't play his games so keep calm and strong. You can tell him cooly and calmly if he calls one day that you are done and you want no more after this convo, end of, and see what he says to that.

You're a lucky lady to have such attention but it's understandable that more often than not it's the wrong person, wrong time and wrong place for it!

 

I don't feel lucky. I guess I just was looking for an answer since it dosen't make sense. In the first voicemail he said he sorry...he didn't want to hurt me cause I'm so sweet and nice...could it be a case of quilt or I don't want to be seen as the bad guy still after all this time? I know I won't get the real answer from him so that's why I'm here.

 

We broke up once before and I asked him to stop ciontacting me and he didn't so I'm not sure if it's worth opening that can of worms this time.

 

So this is a game. He is just trying to screw with my head. Disgusting.

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Isn't it funny how they go and tell ya to move on, then you do just that...and they come running back??

 

It happened to me outta nowhere yesterday. Two weeks ago he told me to move on, we can't be fixed, he doesn't wanna get in the way of me finding someone else... then two nights ago he texts me twice, I don't answer. Then I get like 10 texts yesterday so I finally asked what he wanted. He wants me back, and now the balls in my court.

 

I say just do what you think is best for you.

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So, guys can you help me out here? If you tell someone basically go move on, which is what he did and I do just that, like I said I would, why would 1. you be jealous and 2. still contact the woman 3 months later? What does he want?

 

I realize some of these texts were after he was drinking but most of them were in the morning or during the day. I am 47 and his is 51. I don't get it

 

Any thoughts?

 

Thanks.

 

There's an old saying, "Dogs only chase after the rabbits that run". You moved on and he's all about the chase. It's a sport to him. He doesn't want to see you with anyone else because it really hurts his ego. He just wants to see if he can get you back and then he will let you go. I know, I'm not perfect and I've done this once before....but it will never happen again, I learned my lesson.

 

The guy is 51 years old and he is behaving like this? I mean to say this guy is stuck in his ways would be an understatement. What he wants is options, it's as simple as that. Stick with the new guy, I don't know anything about him, but he seems like the better man for you when compared to the X. Good Luck.

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Isn't it funny how they go and tell ya to move on, then you do just that...and they come running back?? QUOTE]

 

Everyone wants to be tough and try and try to get back out there. They go on a few dates and realize, "wow, I really messed up a good thing". Then if the dumpee went NC on them, the dumper starts to get lost in their thoughts and wonders whether or not they made the right decision. Then they start trying to get in contact with you to see if the "option" of getting back together even exists.

 

It's not about wanting to get back together, it's about having the OPTION to get back together, that feeds their ego.

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Everyone wants to be tough and try and try to get back out there. They go on a few dates and realize, "wow, I really messed up a good thing". Then if the dumpee went NC on them, the dumper starts to get lost in their thoughts and wonders whether or not they made the right decision. Then they start trying to get in contact with you to see if the "option" of getting back together even exists.

 

It's not about wanting to get back together, it's about having the OPTION to get back together, that feeds their ego.

Today 7:48 AM

 

He got married very young divorced for 6 years now and I'm the only woman he has dated since the divorce he had been alone for a few years. He had to have known I would find someone and he wouldn't (so soon) I am very attractive and he is not so much, when we were dating people would say right in front of us, "What's she doing with you?" He would say. "She likes ugly guys I guess." I got asked out while I was seeing him which I'm sure he heard about but I still think he is not dating anyone. So as far as the chase he had to have already figured I would move on before him. So this is just to see if he can make me jump? That's pretty sad. So, since I certainly don't want him back even if I did, my EGO wouldn't allow it. What's the best way to proceed? Would continuing to ignore best starve his ego? What about when I see him out? (We live near each other.) If he ignores me I will continue to do the same. But, what if he comes up to me a trys to talk to me? Do I lool like a baby by ignoring him? Is he ignoring me in front of his friends cause he dosen't want them to know he's contacting me? Like he's the big man? I don't understand this way of thinking so it's hard for me to know how to respond.

 

Before we broke up we weren't getting along and we didn't speak for a while then he called and I thought well we should talk and I called him back and he started crying he was out and had to leave cause he was embarrassed then a week and a half later we have a disagreement he blows me off and then pulls this move on me. Was the crying just another form of manipulation?

 

I never want to speak to this man again but I want to make sure I don't do anything to feed his ego again and since we live 5 minutes from each other and know some of the same people and go the same places I'm concerened about a confrontation although all his contact seems to be when no one else is around.

 

Yuk.

 

Thank you so much for all of your responses it really has helped. Knowing that he never loved me like he said really has helped me be able to move on.

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  • 4 weeks later...
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So I need help again!

 

I went to a bar by my house on Friday. There is a very unattractive overweight woman who hangs there and gets drunk and is known to have and does give guys bjs and sleeps with them. My friend from Hs is the DJ there they have kararoke, he's married and he says when she has a song request she pushes her boob into him.

 

Last year my ex told me she came up to him and said she was afraid to introduce herself to him cause he never said hello to her. He told me, he told her, well if I never said hello there's probably a reason for that. Told me he didn't want to be seen talking to her cause he heard about her and she was nasty.

 

Friday I walk in and my friend said I text you too late your ex is here. He's sitting with my friends brother and his girlfriend. My friends brother grabs my hand and tries to pull me over by the him but I held onto the bar and our hands snapped apart so I never went over there. He was sitting next to the nasty chick. She's massaging him and then sings a karaoke song and walk over to him while singing. I'm ready to puke but it was kinda like watching a car crash about to happen so I couldn't stop watching. He wasn't reciprocating but he wasn't pushing her off him either.

 

Then I catch his eye and I gave him the thumbs up and laughed at him. He just looked away. Then he walks out and she starts looking around for him and then flips open her phone and starts texting so I guess she has his number. He walks back in and she says I thought you left. I thought he dosen't smoke what's he outside for?

 

Then they leave together he walks out and she follows a little ways behind him. My friend said her car wasn't in the parking lot when he closed and he had never seen her with him in the bar prior to this said she walked up by herself sat in the empty seat next to him and then as she got more drunk she hung on him more and more.

 

So he said he wasn't with anyone for a few years after his divorce until me. Said he wasn't with anyone when we broke up once before.

 

Is he lying? Why would he leave with a woman like that right in front of me I know we broke up in may but unless he's done that before. Now I'm freaking out thinking he has lied about everything and I'm upset all over again. Was he doing this stuff behind my back while we were dating? I think he was calling he son to see if he was coming home (25 yrs old) so he could bring her home with him he has two grown kids at home.

 

Please help.

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Who knows why he left with her.... Why do you even care ? you wanted him to move on, you wanted him to stop contacting you, Are you not happy that maybe he has moved on? I know I would be if my ex left the bar with something like that... I would be laughing so hard ... Be happy now maybe he is gone.... Be happy with your new guy.

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Who knows why he left with her.... Why do you even care ? you wanted him to move on, you wanted him to stop contacting you, Are you not happy that maybe he has moved on? I know I would be if my ex left the bar with something like that... I would be laughing so hard ... Be happy now maybe he is gone.... Be happy with your new guy.

 

I know. I was hurt when he dumped me but moved on. It since has not worked out with the new guy but were still friends nothing horrible happened. I'm having trouble understanding my reaction. I'm upset all over again. Feel like this guy made a fool of me. It's ridiculous I know. I laughed at him but felt humiliated on the ride home. That he would go from me to something like that in front of me means he cares about no one and nothing. So I should be happy that he's gone. He emailed me today said he misses me, hopes we can talk one day and said how how nice I looked when he saw me. What? I think I need to hang out somewhere else so I don't see him. Am I ever gonna get over this?

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Youre not going to get over this until you find someone new, and for god sakes, stop hanging out in the same places your ex does, and stop worrying about what he does. Youre 47, you know better than this!

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Youre not going to get over this until you find someone new, and for god sakes, stop hanging out in the same places your ex does, and stop worrying about what he does. Youre 47, you know better than this!

 

I always check before going anyway to make sure he is not there. My friend didn't get the message to me in time. But yes, I should have left so I didn't see him leave with her. He normally doesn't go to the same places I frequent.

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Sorry that I misunderstood. I thought that you were still with the other guy. I kinda know the feeling that yuor going through but really try and look at it in different ways. Who cares that he left with her. It makes him look bad for leaving with her. Think of it in terms like that. Don't play his game with him and try to detach your emotions... I am the worst for that. I try not to contact my ex but somehow I end up calling him or texting him. I get a fear in me, I have just went on my first date since we broke up he found out about this and he asked me if I was going to go, I said yes I am. He has been trying to call me all day only because of the chase... If I give in then he will not be interested in me... This is how I have to think so I will not pick up the phone. Try to ignore him as well do not go to the same places ... Try new places with your friends and you'll have a blast just knowing he will not walk in...

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Sorry that I misunderstood. I thought that you were still with the other guy. I kinda know the feeling that yuor going through but really try and look at it in different ways. Who cares that he left with her. It makes him look bad for leaving with her. Think of it in terms like that. Don't play his game with him and try to detach your emotions... I am the worst for that. I try not to contact my ex but somehow I end up calling him or texting him. I get a fear in me, I have just went on my first date since we broke up he found out about this and he asked me if I was going to go, I said yes I am. He has been trying to call me all day only because of the chase... If I give in then he will not be interested in me... This is how I have to think so I will not pick up the phone. Try to ignore him as well do not go to the same places ... Try new places with your friends and you'll have a blast just knowing he will not walk in...

 

You should go and I'm just luckily stubborn so I won't call or respond to any of his texts. Maybe you can call a girlfriend instead and they will remind of the reasons why ur going out with someone new :) Good Luck on the second date!

 

Think I'm going leave town for a while just to get away. His email today was all nicey nice and I read it over and over it's so stupid. I just wish I could stop my brain from going round and round.

 

Have a good evening and hang in there.

 

Thank you for your input.

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Thats nuts , I moved out of the city into a small town to get over him, Distance does not matter, My ex sends me video's of himself now and calls me by my nic name that he gave me after instructions not to. As well I asked him point blank (I did break up with him in a nasty way ,,, no cheating on him though) if you he ever thought that his mind would change, not those exact words but close enough, he said nope I stand firm... OK cool thanks I said then we were still in contact for I think a few days and I dropped the contact again lastnight seeing that it was a game and i am jumping off the board no more games with me... 39 years old I think I have had my fair share of them. Hang in there be strong and hang out with alot of your friends, there is also a thread on here that says post here instead of contacting your ex... I have went on there a few time and posted and it did help me alot.. I think I will be on there again soon because old memory are hashing up on me and I am once again very angry at him to the point I am glad that i live a few hours away and I do not drive. Another thing I like to do before I go to bed is watch the comady channel... man I laugh so hard... I am a super happy go luck girl but when I was with him I forgot about who I was becasue there was nothing left of me.

List things that you love about yourself and what you gave up in order to be with this person ... reach to get yourself back to the way that you were...we all change in and for relationsip even if we do not want to admit it..

 

Ya the second date is in about 20 minutes ...lol...i will check in when I get home

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UrKillinMeSmalls
What does he want?

 

For you to be insecure and devastated over him. If he were a real man he wouldn't be acting like he's a 19 year old confused idiot that doesn't understand why you're world isn't crashing down.

 

**** him, find a real man. There's a reason he's this old and still alone.

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Thats nuts , I moved out of the city into a small town to get over him, Distance does not matter, My ex sends me video's of himself now and calls me by my nic name that he gave me after instructions not to. As well I asked him point blank (I did break up with him in a nasty way ,,, no cheating on him though) if you he ever thought that his mind would change, not those exact words but close enough, he said nope I stand firm... OK cool thanks I said then we were still in contact for I think a few days and I dropped the contact again lastnight seeing that it was a game and i am jumping off the board no more games with me... 39 years old I think I have had my fair share of them. Hang in there be strong and hang out with alot of your friends, there is also a thread on here that says post here instead of contacting your ex... I have went on there a few time and posted and it did help me alot.. I think I will be on there again soon because old memory are hashing up on me and I am once again very angry at him to the point I am glad that i live a few hours away and I do not drive. Another thing I like to do before I go to bed is watch the comady channel... man I laugh so hard... I am a super happy go luck girl but when I was with him I forgot about who I was becasue there was nothing left of me.

List things that you love about yourself and what you gave up in order to be with this person ... reach to get yourself back to the way that you were...we all change in and for relationsip even if we do not want to admit it..

 

Ya the second date is in about 20 minutes ...lol...i will check in when I get home

 

 

Hope it went well!

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For you to be insecure and devastated over him. If he were a real man he wouldn't be acting like he's a 19 year old confused idiot that doesn't understand why you're world isn't crashing down.

 

**** him, find a real man. There's a reason he's this old and still alone.

 

You know ur right. I got a "I miss you" text from him a little bit ago. I think he's wondering why I didn't have anything to say about him leaving with that "woman." I'm pretty sure he took her home and now he's texting me that? I'm holding firm and still not gonna respond. Still dosen't make any sense to dump someone and then tell them for 4 months you miss them...He had me for christ sake and told me he wouldn't be hurt if I found someone else!!!

 

Thanks for your response. Some day this won't have any effect on me....someday

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