BigBubbs Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Is is rare for a girl/guy to break up with you if there isn't someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Is is rare for a girl/guy to break up with you if there isn't someone else? no BB...people break up for all sorts of reasons: boredom, wanting to be alone; family problems; kid issues; incompatiblity; illness; work stresses; commute; availability; etc... Link to post Share on other sites
bluewolf17 Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I have never broken up with anyone-due to someone else on the side..etc. And I have broken up with 3 guys that I was seriously involved with. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I broke up with my last Ex because we had not had sex in 18 months and his alcoholism made the relationship borderline abusive. It was two days after we broke up that I found out he was keeping a prostitute in Panama so I'm wondering if I had not broke up with him, how long he would have let it go on considering how miserable we were making each other. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 oh and on my list i forgot substance abuse problems along with physical or emotional abuse Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I actually think that there being someone else IS the rare thing....and not the norm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BigBubbs Posted August 24, 2009 Author Share Posted August 24, 2009 A little surprised as many many posters on this site seem to talk about the Ex's new BF/GF. That is the one that seemed to mysteriously pop out of no where as soon as the relationship ended. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 A little surprised as many many posters on this site seem to talk about the Ex's new BF/GF. That is the one that seemed to mysteriously pop out of no where as soon as the relationship ended. It's called a rebound.... Doesn't mean they had them in the wings (as some believe). Yes it does seem that way sometimes, but often the rebound is someone they jump into a relationship with to get over the old one, and they were not around in the wings before. And that relationship often dissolves almost as quickly as it started. Ofcourse there are some instances when they were interested in someone else or where the rebound is someone you may know who has always wanted them but generally not because someone gets a new bf/gf quickly means they cheated...mostly it means they are NOT emotionally strong enough to work out the grief on their own but need an emotional crutch, i.e. their new boo. Link to post Share on other sites
icyness Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I actually think that there being someone else IS the rare thing....and not the norm. I hope this is true. on another board, a lot of people were convinced that if someone leaves (and if their answers were pretty wishy-washy in general, you're not quite sure why they really left no matter what they told you) that 90% of the time, there's someone else. 90% is pretty out there, especially considering there's no actual statistics as far as I know. Of course, a lot of times it happened to the person, so naturally they feel that it's the case with everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
trueblue72ny Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 my guess is that sometimes people take off because there is someone else involved. and sometimes people just take off for other reasons - not because someone else is involved. i do think however, that lots of times, you run into situations were the dumpee gets so upset, and doesnt leave the dumper alone, that the dumper goes into a rebound relationship just to try and get the dumpee to leave them alone. the dumpee essentially pushes the dumper towards a new friend. thats why i believe that not contacting the dumper after the fact is the most helpful thing you can do for yourself. even if you dont hear from the dumper again, you are giving yourself time to heal. and ot take off the rose colored glasses as cali says! Link to post Share on other sites
Quest Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Any time I've ended a relationship it's been for something to do with the other person's behaviour - substance abuse or complete lack of commitment/respect being two I can think of. Usually, I've had a gap after ending something and I've noticed most of my female friends do the same. Not sure if it's just my experience or not but men often seem to move on more quickly, whether dumper or dumpee. Link to post Share on other sites
AnswersPls Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 My ex dumped me.. becos of charactor difference and that he could not commit to me. But I think its becos he does not love me anymore. But there is no third part involved. So,, the ex can dump you without having anyone else.. Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Often times, especially with longer-term relationships, the dumper has emotionally checked out months before the actual break-up conversation. That it why they are able to jump into a new relationship. The dumpee, meanwhile, has lots of catching up to do. This is very important to realize (check out "Uncoupling" by Diane Vaughn if you want to know more. But the book is very depressing, so BIG warning. I can't even bring myself to read the whole thing yet). People often ask, "how can he/she move on so quickly?" The truth is, in many cases, it did not happen overnight. It was a gradual process that the dumper went through, and didn't tell you about. This does NOT mean that they no longer care about you, or that they never really loved you. It just means that they checked out early, and you're left to catch up. Link to post Share on other sites
AnswersPls Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Often times, especially with longer-term relationships, the dumper has emotionally checked out months before the actual break-up conversation. That it why they are able to jump into a new relationship. The dumpee, meanwhile, has lots of catching up to do. This is very important to realize (check out "Uncoupling" by Diane Vaughn if you want to know more. But the book is very depressing, so BIG warning. I can't even bring myself to read the whole thing yet). People often ask, "how can he/she move on so quickly?" The truth is, in many cases, it did not happen overnight. It was a gradual process that the dumper went through, and didn't tell you about. This does NOT mean that they no longer care about you, or that they never really loved you. It just means that they checked out early, and you're left to catch up. Its so true. .. thats why the dumper can move on.. without feelin as much pain as the dumpee.. Link to post Share on other sites
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