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Should I even bother anymore?


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ssj4trunks09

Ok. Long story.

 

Me and my ex broke up 2 months. ago. Since then she has gone out with one guy for 3 days and she regrets it to this day. She says she was just confused and was trying to use him to get over him. 3 guys have kissed her since then. She has told me hurtful things and some pretty messed up things. We broke up because I was treating her REALLY bad and said some messed up things while we were together. She's been treating me like **** ever since saying "leave me the **** alone", "get out of my life". In the week of July 4 she was acting all nice again like before and actually asked me back. I told her no because I wanted to fix our problems before we got back together.

 

A week later she was the same way again treating me like ****. Not caring for what I felt. She only wants to talk when SHE calls. If I call, she doesn't want to talk, and if I txt she ignores it. She says her feelings have changed but that she still loves me and still misses me from time to time thats why she still calls me. I'm constantly on her ass and she always tells me "get off my ass", or "quit calling my phone over n over". So 2 fridays ago, I had enough and I completely ignored her for the weekend. I talked to her that Monday and she was mad that I ignored her, I got off her ass like she wanted and we had a normal conversation after. We didn't talk again till Friday and she was mad that I didn't call the whole week after she told me to get off her ass. I pointed that out and she said I was right. She told me she's happy that she's single now. She keeps telling me hurtful things and I really don't know what to do anymore... one thing she told was that she felt sorry for me cuz I get so desperate to talk to her. and unlike me she forced herself not to talk to me. Basically I took it that she's saying I'm pathetic for chasing her. One time I was about to cry and she even told me "shut the **** up" and goes "great he's about to cry again". Who would honestly tell that to a person that is about to cry and is feeling down and depressed especially someone they claim they care about?

 

Idk.. she says she's confused and doesn't know what she really feels. She says she doesn't feel the same but when I asked why does she still call she says its cuz she still loves me and misses talkin to me. She only calls me at night before going to sleep. But when she thinks about all the things I've said she hates me for those things cuz they really hurt. Sometimes I think there's another guy and when I ask about it she tells me no there isn't and gets mad when I ask. She said no last time with the last kid and it turns out they really did go out.. so idk what to believe...

 

Idk what I should do... is this a lost cause? or should I continue to put up with all the hurtful things she's been telling me? She still has feelings for me or so she claims she does... idk what I should do...

 

If it doesn't make sense sorry, but its just that there is sooo much to be said that idk what to do anymore about the whole situation... I see her on myspace and I see her flirting with all of these guys and she even told me they mean nothing to her... is there still hope? she did say she still has feelings for me... but man she keeps telling me these things like wtf?...

 

She told me that she didnt feel the same but still loved me Friday. I respected that and on Saturday I was happy living my life and we started talking at night and she suddenly brings up "you know I dont feel the same way about u anymore right?". That just totally ruined my mood... and she tells me things that guys are hitting on her and trying to talk to her.. like if thats what she wanted to do... she says she doesnt care if I move on and actually wants me to cuz she feels bad that I'm waiting for her.. she said shes trying to keep her feelings to herself cuz theres no point in sayin wut she feels..

 

she said shes confused and im confused on what to do..

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Shes not confused, she is having fun at the expense of your mental stability. She tells you she misses you to keep you hanging on, but since she knows you are such a doormat, there will be no chance at her wanting to try again, dorornats arent attractive. Leave her alone, she is what we here call "toxic". Actually maybe shes not really toxic, youre just confused.

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ssj4trunks09
Shes not confused, she is having fun at the expense of your mental stability. She tells you she misses you to keep you hanging on, but since she knows you are such a doormat, there will be no chance at her wanting to try again, dorornats arent attractive. Leave her alone, she is what we here call "toxic". Actually maybe shes not really toxic, youre just confused.

 

I don't get it :S... a doormat? toxic? I was treating her like **** and she was really faithful to me while we were together. Just that everything changed after we broke up... I'm trying to make up for it by being nice... but I just end up treated like **** and stuff...

 

and she says she still loves me... and still has feelings for me...

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I don't get it :S... a doormat? toxic? I was treating her like **** and she was really faithful to me while we were together. Just that everything changed after we broke up... I'm trying to make up for it by being nice... but I just end up treated like **** and stuff...

 

and she says she still loves me... and still has feelings for me...

 

Of course she says she misses you, she misses a little of you, but not enough to get back with you. You cant make up for your treatment of her by being nice., it doesnt work like that. Once her flame for you fizzles out, thats it, it wont come back. Thats just the way it is. Especially since youre letting her take advantage of you like this. She is contacting you to make her guilt go away, and it helps her get over you faster. Youre essentially pushing her further away by letting her talk to you.

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ssj4trunks09

I see what you're saying to you're saying that I should do LC? Not talk to her but when I do just limit it?

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I see what you're saying to you're saying that I should do LC? Not talk to her but when I do just limit it?

 

Dont talk to her at all. You cant get back with her, she will never want you back, at least not for a year, byt that time you would have moved on. So just dont answer any emails, texts, or calls. Just cut her off. Dont even tell her.

 

She might send you texts like "why are you ignoring me?" Youre being rude"

 

She'll pull all kinds of jedi minds tricks to reel you in when you pull away, dont fall for it. It is just to feed her ego. She needs validation while shes with a new guy, thats why she talks to you when she calls, but not when you call. End your torture now and stop talking to her entirely. She doesnt even deserve a good bye.

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ssj4trunks09

It's kinda hard to believe that its come down to this... and if she says she still has feelings for me it gives me a sense of hope...

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Trust me, just walk away. If she wants you, she will come find you. I pursued mine for 3 MONTHS. 3 months of my life that I will never get back. She told me she's not in love with the guy she's seeing now, she kept reading and responding to my emails to her about what went wrong in our relationship, she'd call me when I asked to talk to her, she'd give me hope, and it was for nothing. I know it is tempting to keep fighting for them when it seems like they want you to, but you cannot waste your precious life chasing them. Tell her one more time you would like it to work out but that you don't deserve to be chasing her, and then please stop for your own good.

 

I feel so happy now that I've decided to stop trying. I have no choice to drive past her work every day on my way home, but today I was able to resist looking over and seeing if her car was there. I didn't check if she's read any of the emails from last week. I'm getting a new phone plan tomorrow and I think I will go ahead and change my number. I am freaking free, at the cost of 3 months of my time and dignity.

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ingnore her for the rest of your life if she ever tries to come back tell her to eat a d*** shes not worth holding on to believe me my ex has pulled the same sh** jus forget about her girls are like money they come and go

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ssj4trunks09

Thanks guys. Thanks exit. It seems you're going through the SAME thing as me.. and thanks. It's going to be a hard battle I guess. But it's life..

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What exactly did you do to her that was so bad?

 

When someone says "oh, look he's going to cry" that's called emotional abuse and you do not and should not put up with it. This girl does not deserve you. I'm guessing she is young yes? Maybe 19 or so? She does not sound emotionally mature.

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ssj4trunks09

Well basically I would treat her bad.. I never cheated on her not once. I just hurt her emotionally. I've told her countless times while we were together that I felt like breaking up with her and I did it knowing that she was very sensitive to that.

 

I one time told her that I was starting to see her more as a friend than as a girlfriend.

 

There's alot... but to put it short I was just cold-hearted to her even when she would cry in front of me.

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I know how you feel. After my breakup I did not feel like "hah, what a whore, her loss". I was truly impacted by the realization of everything I did wrong. I knew I could not argue with her on a lot of the points she made about my mistakes. It is only harder to let go of someone when you realize all of what they are saying is right. It's much easier when you can puff up your ego and tell yourself you did nothing wrong.

 

All you can do is apologize for what you did. If she doesn't want to hear it, that's her problem. You're a good enough person to own up to your mistakes and try to apologize.

 

One of the hardest, but most important lessons I had to learn, is that you can forgive yourself without her forgiving you. At first I thought like if my ex never came back, then I could never possibly reach that point of forgiving myself, because the circumstances of my life were not showing me that I was forgiven. But it's not true, you can still get to the point where you know you tried hard enough to make it work that you can finally let it go. That's what my 3 month journey was about. I wrote to her every few days and told her what I had learned about myself, how to be a better person, asked her to come back, told her we had enough good times that it was worth trying to fix it, and she always said no. I felt like I would keep trying forever. But at some point over the last few days I realized I feel free. I "did my time" for the mistakes that I made, I asked her to give it another chance, she is the one who gave up, not me.

 

You can't rush the process, you can only give it time and try to get to the point where you forgive yourself.

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ssj4trunks09

Well.. this morning I got a txt from her saying that she's starting to talk to someone else. This was after I didn't pick up her calls last night. I then msged her a good bye message and said sorry for everything and wished her luck with this new guy. She then msged me back saying there is no one else she just said so I can pick up the phone.

 

But I find that hard to believe. She's still trying to hurt me with that and to be honest. When I read that, I felt a little bit of emotion, but it all went away within an hour. I was still thinkin about who it is... but I also realized there's nothing I can do.

 

She says theres no one else. But I'm just thinkin she got scared when she realized that I'm going to disappear from her life forever. So she said there's no one else. I pointed this out and she simply told me she didn't know what to say and said a bye. As if she was mad, as if she was thinkin to herself "yea right he's going to be pickin up my calls and still call me".

 

She also msged me that she doesn't need me anymore and to do as I please. I msged her back that I will do as I please and that I'm going to miss her. I told her good bye and that's that. I'm just curious to see if she'll call later tonight or msg me or something...

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Well basically I would treat her bad.. I never cheated on her not once. I just hurt her emotionally. I've told her countless times while we were together that I felt like breaking up with her and I did it knowing that she was very sensitive to that.

 

I one time told her that I was starting to see her more as a friend than as a girlfriend.

 

There's alot... but to put it short I was just cold-hearted to her even when she would cry in front of me.

 

She broke up with you and is hesitant to get back together because she is scared that if she goes back to that place with you again that you will break her heart all over again.

 

I have no clue why you are listening to this retarded drivel from people who aren't even reading what you have said!

 

You treated her badly, you hurt her- she is now scared of the consequences of getting back together with you. It's hard to deny how much sense that makes.

 

I believe that she does still have feelings for you- but she is having trouble letting go of what happened. The only way she is going to consider getting back together with you is if she is convinced you have changed. That's not going to happen overnight. If you really, truly want her back- you're going to have to be patient. You're also going to have to treat her better, and be consistent.

 

Now- after saying that, something you should ask yourself is if you really want her back, or you just want her because you think you can't have her?

 

Honestly, you can turn this around. But if you're going to take on the endeavour of winning her back- you should be prepared to embrace the idea of what being a better boyfriend means.

 

I guess what I am saying is- make sure you really want this before going after her.

 

I think you can have her back if you're willing to step up.

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ssj4trunks09

I've thought about what you said too.. but that still doesn't give her the right to be treating me the way she has. She even told me in those msgs we last sent to each other that she's only heartless and cold when she talks to ME. When she talks to everyone is like nothing is wrong. But when it comes to me, she feels the need to be the way she is. A b!tch as she says it.

 

On the phone recently. She even told me herself, she feel like she needs to be a b!tch so that I can stop being on her ass so much. She's told me "leave me the **** alone" and "get out of my life". She's told me I hate you.

 

In those messages she even told me "I don't need you anymore". Like if I was some sort of toy.. she told me she doesn't feel the same about me anyways.. but that she still has feelings for me.. you can't have both.. she's told me this: "I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to talk to you". You can't have both... she contradicts herself way too much.

 

On myspace, you see her fliritng with all of these guys. One status said that she was happy that she's single and keeps putting it out there that she's single and happy and she mentions it to everyone. She's even made me look bad in front of her friends and parents. "Omg this kid bothers me too much." "Omg great he's going to cry again". In front of her friends and family like if they gotta know. "Sorry I can't be wasting my battery on someone like you". "I told you.. get, the, ****, out, of, my, life". and so much more...

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Those actions, that are definetely contradictory- are a defense mechanism of sorts.

 

You hurt her, she now wants to hurt you- it's a silly game and it's not good for either of you.

 

Maybe the bottom line is that the two of you aren't right for one another?

 

If she's posting things like that and then telling you in private that she has feelings for you- it might be more of a mess than you care to deal with.

 

Maybe delete her off myspace or facebook and then take a step back and see what happens. If you've apologized and told her you want her back and she's acting like this- you probably have done what you can for the moment.

 

It's just not going to work if she wants to drag this out with public statements like that.

 

Your problems should be worked out in private- not on myspace! I'd delete her from your contacts if this is happening.

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ssj4trunks09

Thank you D-lish. You're right. I was thinkin the same as well, that we're not meant for each other and that we're too completely different people. She's been acting a childish and I'm tired of that.

 

She called last night and I didn't pick up. Only called once though.

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ssj4trunks09

I called her like an idiot.. lol... I find it funny idk why...

 

What happened was like hey I wanted to see how u were doin seeing as u told me u moved on to someone else.. and she was like good and she told me somethin bout what happened today. then i said so are u happy with everything? and she said yea i am, i havent been thinking about you. and she said something where she thought i was checking her myspace, I was but I told her no I wasnt and idk what she's talking about. After that she said oh ok.. well talk to you later. i was like **** i wanted to end it first and boom she clicked.

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