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Really, REALLY bad day


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 22nd July 2009, 8:36 PM   #1
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Really, REALLY bad day

Today has been the worst. If you read my earlier thread, my ex keeps texting, emailing, etc. The problem is, today he didn't. More than that, my very kind-hearted therapist doesn't want to tell me that he's a jerk and not coming back, but that's pretty much what he said today. My job stinks (again) and I just feel like I've been dumped on in all directions.

I thought I was doing so well. I started deleting my "trophies" (old texts and emails) and even went grocery shopping for the first time in a month. (I've been eating out - I used to cook for us all the time and now the habit of cooking seems so entertwined in my old relationship that I just don't want to do it). Then, it hits me and it's like it just happened 10 minutes ago.

Someone please tell me that you really do get over them... and remind me how. Please? This is so d@mned tough.
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Old 22nd July 2009, 9:17 PM   #2
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I've been sad, crazed, angry, and repulsed by the way my ex treated me. But today was something different...it wasn't charged with emotions, it was a rather calm form of being disgusted. My ex disgusts me and I feel if he wanted me back, I would say "no." I actually feel like this now.

Today, I looked for a job so I had other things to think about. As I stated before (I will do briefly here) other things that has helped has been therapy, journaling, getting pen pals, doing crafts, self-help books and websites to get through a relationship, and rewarding myself when I don't contact him. Today, marks the 15th straight day that I have not contacted him. I am thinking about my future and my life. I still have days when I break down, but overall, I am much better. When I think about how he treated me and I allowed it...I'm actually embarassed that I allowed him to treat me so badly. So I'm learning and moving on. You can do it. You can do it. GEEZ, I was REALLY messed up when he cruelly left me. But now, I feel stronger.
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Old 22nd July 2009, 9:25 PM   #3
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Thanks... this is just such a low point today. My ex tends to contact me but he goes a few days between each contact. I don't ever respond, but it's that affirmation that he's still trying to get ahold of me that keeps me hanging on. That's why I wish there was a way to block him from ever getting to me again. Days like today kill me.

You're right, though. I think about the bad times and I realize why I can never contact him again. The biggest thing is that he put he was "single" on Facebook before he bothered to tell me. Every time I think about that, I think that I will not give him another chance until he commits to me first. There's just no way - no matter how much he contacts me - that I can ever trust him not to let me down again. It's just that I still have this helpless, pathetic side of me that wants him to come back, promise me that he really can commit and give me back my old life.

God, it's such a tough day.
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Old 22nd July 2009, 10:07 PM   #4
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If you are serious about wanting him out of your life, then consider changing your number and make sure it is a non published number. Also, you can close your email account. It's best to make a decision instead of waffling back and forth. I'm telling you, when my ex took up with another woman while he was still with me, I felt like I was destroyed. I really did. I felt like my life was over...it was that bad. Now here I am, stronger. It's been about two months since he left me. Prior to these two weeks of not contacting him, once a week I contacted him and wept and wailed on the phone. He even yelled at me once. My ex is scum and I say this calm, not emotionally, he is scum. I do believe one day he will end up in jail due to the chances he takes and the way he behaves. I can live without him and I'm better off. I feel sorry for his new girlfriend, but that's her problem not mine. Be strong. We will help you here.
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Old 22nd July 2009, 10:22 PM   #5
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"God just took a dump on my face" -- Kenny Powers.
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Old 22nd July 2009, 10:37 PM   #6
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Wow, I haven't been to this sight for several months but this post is soo similair to what I went through with my last breakup that I had to reply. These types of people who put us through the hell hole are so good at it because they are more or less selfish immature people. They know how to play us while doing whatever the hell they want but have know basic understanding of what a healthy adult relationship is. So they crap all over the people who care. But like Moo, these a-holes do more damage to themselves then us. It's been a year since my breakup with Mr. Douche and honestly I'm alot stronger. Recently I found out that he's dating a mutual friend but unlike the past I'm indifferent to it. The best breakup revenge is indifference. He did the typical "contacting his ex beyind my back when we were together" or "calling me in the middle of the night and hanging up" my favorite: using myspace to grate on my nerves. Eventually your heart will heal and you'll feel no stronge feelings toward him. Concentrate on yourself not him. Press that delete button on facebook, it will be sad but empowering.
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Old 23rd July 2009, 12:09 AM   #7
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The thing I have learnt is that in order to feel better about myself I have to do things that empower me, and when I feel down, depressed etc over the ex, to do stuff that makes me feel better. My therapist told me to not text my ex to tell her how horrible etc she was to me, and so silence is the FINAL reply, so pour energy into you as you are worth so much more than the person who has hurt you, be strong and remember your feelings will fade! good luck
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Old 23rd July 2009, 12:40 AM   #8
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Georgia girl I totally feel you. I'm a teacher and I teach summer school but only for 3 hours, then I have the rest of the day to think about all this crap that's going on: being pregnant, getting dumped, & hearing he is in love with someone else. I saw my therapist yesterday. He suggested making a list of the things to do each day and sticking to it. I'm not gonna lie, I've laid in bed more than I should, I come to this forum way too much, but I have been doing everything on my list. Even if I do everything with as little gumption as possible...I do them anyway. Try making a list for tomorrow.
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Old 23rd July 2009, 5:05 PM   #9
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Thanks for all the replies and all of the support! I am doing better today and it's now been 15 days since I've contacted him. Of course, he texted me today and I read it, which makes me weak. Still, I seriously cannot fathom why someone would CONTINUE to text/email/etc. when they get no reply! What the heck is wrong with him? If someone didn't reply to me for 15 straight days, I'd stop contacting them. I think that's reasonable, rational behavior.

As for changing my phone and email... unfortunately, I can't. I use both for work (email is an assigned address) and I also personally won't give him the satisfaction of thinking he can get to me so badly that I had to change numbers. He's really not that important (even though I sometimes feel like that)!

Just to clarify, he didn't cheat or anything. There's no other woman, no other drama like drug or alcohol use. The guy simply has the world's biggest fear of commitment. I truly think that he believes he can stay on the fringes of my life until he decides he wants back in the game and get back in the game. I know that I can't let him back without a commitment because otherwise I'll just go through all of this all over again in a few short months. So, I promise, I won't. I just wish he would grow up.
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