I broke no contact after nearly 150 days!.. I think my ex is attention seeking..

[Charmaine_Champagne]

bit of background.. i'd been nc for nearly 150 days since my ex bf ended things with me very cruelly back on valentines day this year. we were first loves, together 6 years. he pretty much ignored me and played games, messed me around until i took the hint that he no longer wanted me around, i guess he didn't have the balls to tell me straight. he left me in limbo for weeks and it was hell.

 

in the past 5 months i had afew lame texts from him that didn't say very much, for example one was a blank text! other times he would just send me a statement like 'i miss you, i'm looking at pics of you' i also had the odd call from a withheld number but i didn't bite the bait, i kept up NC for all this time and didn't give in to his attention seeking ways (tho i'll point out he also didn't try that hard to contact me, aside from afew words on screen in a text/email)

 

(THIS IS MY STORY...)

 

so then afew days ago (afew over a month of hearing nothing from him) i noticed one afternoon i had a missed call from a withheld number, then afew minutes later i received a text msg from him saying ''i heard you're knocked up, congratulations'' (i later realised he'd sent me an email saying the same thing- i keep him blocked on msn and hadn't been responding to any of his messages so far)

 

i just want to point out, no i am not pregnant! i'm not even seeing anyone, and we don't share any mutual friends who would pass on info about me. i was so shocked. now some people told me that he was just attention seeking to get a reaction. but then i thought it was so weird that i had to respond, and i thought of some of his friends are very immature guys who would say stupid things like that to wind him up.

 

i didn't know what to do and thought all day should i respond or maintain NC. so around 6 hours later i decided to text him back i just said ''nah, you've got the wrong girl'' and he wrote back immediately saying ''nope, **** told me, he said he saw you and your bump. how r are you anyway?''

 

(**** is not a friend of his but a guy who knows of both of us- not a mutual friend but a guy who would see us out at clubs etc and would know both of us just to say hi to)

 

i don't have a bump, i'm a slim girl, more to the point i am not 'knocked up' it all sounds like bullsh*t in hindsight, esp the 'how are you anyway' he added at the end. do you guys think this was a fishing expedition to see if i would react or even to see if i'm in a relationship and could be pregnant?

 

i decided to ignore the 'how are you' part of his text but then the next day i kept thinking 'this is crazy what if people are saying i'm pregnant' and i decided to text him- with the idea that this gives me an excuse to text him without him thinking i want to talk to him, rather i'm actually texting to clear up the rumors about the supposed pregnancy.

 

i wrote to him the next night ''what a load of sh*t if you believe that you're as mental as he is'' and even tho i'd waited overe 24 hours to answer him, again he wrote back to me immediately

he said ''ok no problem, so how are you?''

 

i didn't answer and then 5 minutes later i get another text from him saying ''did you pass university?''

 

(i'll just point out he dumped me and messed me around in my last semester of my final uni year, just as i was about to graduate)

 

so i waited about half an hour and wrote back ''i'm great, tho i shouldn't have to explain myself to you.. yes i graduated last week''

 

then he wrote back right away ''congratulations, so what are you gonna do with yourself next year?''

 

i wrote back ''thanks, i'm still choosing''

 

and that was it, i haven't heard from him since and that was 4 days ago. i know ppl will say i should have ignored it but i didn't ask how he was or mention our relationship when i answered him.

 

i just wanna know what other people make of this. was he just checking in with me to ease his guilt? (in other words, he dumped me during my final year of uni, if he finds out i graduated will it ease his guilt) or is he trying to be friends, ease his way back into my life by getting me to react? it's just so weird. maybe i was abit dry with him in my replies and now he doesn't know what to say to me. also now i got my degree he prob feels like i'm a different person because he is not academic and now he'll feel i've moved even further away from him.

 

i kinda have this urge to call him and ask him was he lying about the pregnancy story and then perhaps talk with him because the way he ended it with me i never got closure or answers. but for all i know he could have someone new now. it's just so weird. did he just wonder what i was up to after so long and now he has checked in with me i haven't heard from him since?

 

do u think the 'knocked up' thing was a lie and he just said it because it's so crazy it would draw a reaction from me after 5months of me ignoring him? should i contact him again about it and call him out, ask him was he lying about the pregnancy thing or so i just go back to ignoring him and see if he does anything else to get my attention? ahh i'm so confused..

 

sorry this is so long but i'd appreciate an outside perspective on this weird situation....

 

and no, i'm still not over him

 

please help

[bluewolf17]

Hi,

 

I remember reading a few of your posts awhile back. You gave me some great advice on not being "strung along" after a break up.

 

Anyhow, reading your post, I feel that he did make up the pregnancy thing to contact you. Seems pretty childish to me. Also, sounds like he just wants attention. Especially with the "well anyway..how are you" line. He just wanted a response from you-I am sure he knew you aren't pregnant.

 

Don't take the bait-its so hard not to read into the lines. Obviously he is thinking of you, but probably not in the way you still wish he did. Catch my drift? Don't respond. Don't let this go on anymore. 150 days is really great! Why would you want to let this guy get his talons into you again?

 

Take care,

Bluewolf17

[Charmaine_Champagne]

do you guys think i did ok with the replies i gave him? (i know some will say i shouldn't have replied at all) now i feel i was too dry with him when he asked how i was and how i'd done at uni, i should have played it more casual/friendly/cool. he prob won't call again now.

 

any more thoughts on the whole crazy pregnancy accusations? it's driving me mad. i dunno whether to ask him out if he was making it up or just do NC again.

 

can more people read my thread above and give their perspective plz?

[SRTtoZ]

Lol the funny part here is he is either 1) REALLY STUPID or 2) Just bored and wants to play games...

 

Because if you want to really reach out to an ex and say something, I think the last thing a girl wants to here is Shes FAT...or the mistake of saying "Arent you preggo?? Oh NO Ur not?? ooops"...

 

Just let him go. He sounds too immature and like an idiot.

[NopeNah]

Seems to me he was just fishing to see if you were still around. Let it go! by the way... congrats on the baby!

[Charmaine_Champagne]

lol.. it's just the weirdest thing.. if he actually did invent this to get my attention that is just pathetic.. thanks for the responses.. bluewolf, i think ur right, also even if some1 did tell him i was 'knocked up' for a joke to piss him off, he knew me six years so he would know deep down it wouldn't be true. thinking that it's all a game is maddening me tho now, esp the fact i replied to it after so long NC, that is why i'm tempted to take him to task about that and tell him i'm too smart to play his stupid games.

 

the only thing is i took my time when replying to him and yet each time he wrote back immediately to me, even the time i waited til the next day to text him, maybe i'm reading too much into that.. he could just be bored and fancies playing games to amuse himself, i duno. i'd been doing ok with NC (not great tho and i'm nt over him) but this has set me back and since these pregnancy texts he is constantly on my mind.. whereas during NC, yeh he was on my mind but i wasn't so anxious all the time

 

my friends were also really annoyed at how nasty his text was, and how derogatory ie) the term 'knocked up' and how brash it was, esp as he hasn't spoken to me in months, it was pretty nasty.. maybe this was shock tactics? to rile me into answering him out of anger? but then when i corrected him and said thats a load of nonsense he was just like 'oh ok, so anyway how are you, how did u do at uni' wat the hell?! lol

[Thomas X Forever]

He IS playing with your head. Nasty, weak, pathetic move on his behalf. He is absolutely 100% without a shadow of a doubt narcissistically playing you.

[Charmaine_Champagne]

playing me just to get attention, to see if i'm still around or just because he is sick in the head and gets some kick out of it when he is bored? it annoys me because i don't know what i did to deserve being dumped in the first place, let alone to deserve this sort of treatment from him.. it's ludicrous.

 

i know pretty much everyone here feels the same- what did i do to deserve this. but it amazes me how ppl can change, almost over night.. they go from absolutely doting on you and loving you for 6 years being sweet and caring, to just turning really nasty, strange, disturbing and attention seeking

[BCCA]

He's just trying to get a rise out of you for whatever reason. Even when you told him he must be mistaken, he says 'Nope, someone saw your bumb'...how terribly rude is that? You should have just said 'oh no, Im fat now' lmao

 

Anyway, these are all just little games hes playing to get you to respond. Since you ignored his other crap, he just accused you of being prego. What an immature little creep, ignore him!

[waitingpatiently]

Yea it just sounds like he was trying to get a response out of you. But don't even bother talking to him again (esp. about closure/answers). He would probably just tell you a bunch of BS anyway...don't waste your time. You've came so far, and he doesn't even sound worth going back to. Go back to NC and forget that loser!!!

[Girlygirl1977]

Yes the pregnant comment was def out of left field and meant to get a rise out of you definitely. There is nothing even nice about it. So strange.

 

This guy is not grown and very immature. Please ignore him. He doesn't deserve comments back.

[Charmaine_Champagne]

thanks guys. everyone on here has said the same thing- that he wanted to get a reaction from me for whatever reason. i'm wondering could it have been that he just wanted to check that i was alive and breathing, or to check if i still had the same cell phone number after all this time?..

 

then i started wondering about the way he moved to conversation away from the whole pregnancy nonsense and was just like ''ok no problem, so how are you?'' and then ''did you pass uni?'' and ''what you gonna do with yourself next year?'' ... was this just to ease his guilt? as in 'oh, she passed uni even tho i completely messed her around in her final semester, but she passed, that's ok i feel better now''

 

do you think him contacting me was just to ease his guilt?

or did he just merely want to see what i was up to and now that he has, he won't be in touch again? now that he knows i graduated it prob sends a message to him that i have moved on so he will just give up and leave me alone. but then why would he even care what i'm gonna do with myself next year.. is he scared i'll leave the country? lol. or was it just something to say to keep the conversation flowing after my sharp/dry answers

 

now that i broke NC the anxiety is back. damn. and i still miss him. i feel like contacting him and just asking him was the whole pregnancy thing a lie or a joke. then the paranoia kicks in and i start thinking 'maybe he has got someone pregnant and he is fishing around to see if i've found out'..

 

i know no one here can tell me the exact reason, but i'd just rather get a preference/opinions on him contacting me.. i'd prefer to know he was thinking about me and still cares what i'm up to rather than it was just him wanting to ease his guilt. i know he wanted to get a rise out of me for whatever reason but why? i mean he ignored me to get rid of me, if i wanted rid of someone i wouldn't continue to contact them with really strange messages over the following months like he has

 

it's been a week now since i answered him and i've heard nothing else from him since he asked how i was doing and i told him.

 

do you think i was right to answer him dryly/sharply after all he did? or do you think this was rude and scared him off.. it's been 5 months perhaps i could have been more cool/friendly.. should i have asked how he is doing? or would i have been better not answering him at all? now i've answered i've feeled i've f*cked things up after so long NC..

 

i know my mind is racing and i am over-analyzing but the pregnant message is just the strangest thing i've ever heard.. SO WEIRD.. that's why

 

any more thoughts??