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Im I EVER GOING TO GE THROUGH THIS


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I have written quite a few times on my problem and yet i feel i need some peoples advice.

 

Basically my ex had a night stand with his ex and now shes having their baby.

 

I cant describe to you how im feeling. i found out in dec and im still struggling to cope with all these emotions.

 

he said it was a drunken mistake but one that he will have to live with for the rest of his life. We were together 2 yrs and split up ( not indefinately) in sept 02. He has got family but they dont give a **** about him, hes quite a mixed up bloke and never had a loving supportive family around him.

 

I should mention that he went out with his ex for 4 yrs before me and she lives on the same road as his mum.

 

when we got together he moved in with me and things were great, but he always had money problems and never had work, and in the end had to move out.

 

He moved into a hostel in his old area and his ex eventually got back into contact,

 

he spent more time in his old area as he couldnt always travel to see me.

 

in the end

we split on good terms and remained lovers and friends. I went on holiday in october and when i came back, realised he was acting funny towards me.

 

Basically i sussed out something was up and just before christmas he rang me at work and completely Destoyed my HEART.

 

He told me when we 1st broke up, he and his ex went for a drink and got chatting. etc. etc One thing led to another and they had sex. HOW COULD HE THE BASTARD.

 

But thats not the half of it, 3 months later and shes having his baby, she told him when there was no other option but to have it.

 

He knows it was a mistake and has told me he still loves me and is having the baby with the wrong woman, but i know i wont ever be able to handle this. Do i keep him in my life or wot.

 

We had talked of kids in detail, and i just cant handle how 3months after we broke up, his ex is having his baby,

 

im so hurt, please reply with your opinions and advice. were both 23. How can i just forget this and move on, all i can do is think of them together with a baby.

 

will i ever heal from this.

He was everything to me but clearly i wasnt for him.

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HokeyReligions

My advice is to list all of your choices, make one and stick with it.

 

You said you split with him but remained lovers and friends. Honey, that wasn't a split.

 

If you don't want all this drama in your life then stop seeing him and have no contact at all with him. If you can't do that, then accept the fact that your life will be filled with drama and heartache. You have choices.

 

Go back to your other post and read Tony's response again - he had a lot of good information for you.

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yes, crap like this hurts, and I'm sure nearly everyone who reads this forum has a similar experience about "true love" gone wrong.

 

you've got options, and once you get past the horror of this happening to you, you need to decide what you want to do, keeping in mind that if he indeed is the father of this baby, it is going to be his first priority. And if he is a good dad with his child's best interest at heart, he is gonna be spending as much time with it as he can because that's what good daddies do. Of course, this means he is going to be encountering the mother of his child alot, that's a given.

 

are you ready to have his attention and loyalties shifted from you to a small, helpless child? Are you ready to deal with the fact that the baby's mother will now always be tied to his life simply because of that baby? Are you willing to put your needs behind that of the child and its relationship with its' parents? Or are you willing to chalk it up to a learning experience and walk away?

 

you ask how the bastard could do something like that, cheat on you with his ex. The reasons vary, but the truth is this: when you are in a relationship with someone, especially if it's a long-term one like theirs, it claims a part of you. Be it a good relationship or bad one, it claims a part of you. If he was down and out and she was available, and more especially because they had a long history together, it's not unimaginable that they would have ended up together for a brief period of time. And I don't think it has anything to do with you, but with his needs at the time and her being a part of his history.

 

you cannot change the fact that he's going to be a daddy, or the fact that it's with someone else, BUT you CAN decide what direction your life will take once you get through this grieving period.

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And are in the stage now where you need to keep talking about it, to try to make some sense out of the craziness, and find a way to get past the betrayal, hurt and find healing.

 

I think the only way healing is going to come is if you walk away from this, hard as it may be. Even if he would rather be with you, he is in a mess now of his own making with someone else, and that is going to take a lot of his energies and focus. Unless you're totally sure he wants to be with you, and you are willing to be patient and accommodating to his other life, then you need to seriously consider closing this chapter and moving on without him.

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