badz2801 Posted January 27, 2003 Share Posted January 27, 2003 Hey everyone I need some advice/direction. I have still been dealing with the emotional aftermath of my breakup seven months ago. She was my first love, sexual partner and close female friend, ya ya ya. By now I feel like I should have moved on and have gotten over the past. I constantly compare other women to my ex, attempting to find one who is similar to her. I know this is not a good thing to do, but its part of me and that's how I work. Consequently I do not have a new girl friend. I have been told by numerous women that I am attractive esp. the body, that I have energy, that I am socially normal, yet seven months later I have not moved on. I still sometimes wake up thinking about my ex and wish I could somehow fix it. It almost feels like I am waiting for a copy of Rachel or someone who is better to come across my path. Do you think I might be unable to let someone new in? Its very unusual, but I waited to get my first girl friend until I was out of high school. I had an idea of what my ideal girl was and I did not find it in my entire school. What is really weird is that Rachel did not fit my profile for that girl. I just ended up sleeping with her and it was instant love/infatuation. I have tried just sleeping with another girl that I was sort of attracted to and it did not work. I've got this idea in my head that the girl who I am supposed to be with has very specific traits. What I am worried about is that I am blinding myself to some very good people and life. Rachel has moved on. I am ok with that since it just wont work between us (I wish it had). I can't seem to get over her sleeping with other men and I don't trust her worth a damn. What would you suggest to help me move on. What would you suggest to try and help me change my ideal woman thing? Any suggestions in how I could train myself to like a different profile of women? I know it can change becuase Rachel changed it (loved thin blonds now athletic dark hair brunettes). Basically if you have an idea I would like to hear it. Sincerely Badz2801 Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 27, 2003 Share Posted January 27, 2003 stop looking for a long-term relationship or commitment. Just date a lot of different women. (I'm not saying sleep with them. There is no law that sez you have to have sex) Stop looking so far ahead. If you meet someone that is fun to talk to and maybe shares an interest - ask her out. Don't make any commitments for beyond that one date, and don't think of the future DURING the date. Just enjoy the moment. If you find yourself comparing her to Rachel then tell yourself "This is NOT Rachel so STOP IT!" and focus on who you are with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author badz2801 Posted February 1, 2003 Author Share Posted February 1, 2003 HokeyReligions thank you for your ideas. I went on a date and tried to not look so far ahead. I think I am just picky and I will just have to wait. Good things come to those who wait. Sincerely Badz2801 Link to post Share on other sites
Swamp Posted February 2, 2003 Share Posted February 2, 2003 Yeah, have standards and ideas. But specific little detailed traits that a person must meet? Ha. That will never work. People are different and thats what makes them beautiful. You are still destroyed 7 months later due to lack of experience man. I mean how long did you date this girl? I dated a girl for a loooong time and even 7 months later I was showing signs of recovery. Yeah I caught thought for her every once and a while, but she didnt haunt my dreams or wake me up every morning like yours is doing to you. No offense... but your pickiness is keeping you so alone and torn up. My pathological narcissistic picky ass girlfriend broke my heart after she realized I wasnt perfect and didnt meet her detailed traits. I wish I had better advice for you.. but dont talk about how lonely you are and follow it with how picky you are. Thats like slitting your wrists then bitching about life being too short. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted February 4, 2003 Share Posted February 4, 2003 First of all, you need to use this period after the break up to ask yourself some questions. A couple being, is it that you really loved Rachel, did you and Rachel have good sex and that's what you miss, or do you feel inadequate as a guy because Rachel was sleeping around on you? Do you feel that you didn't have what it took to please her, and do you feel know that if you got in a relationship now it would be the same scenario? Is what holding you back love or fear? And remember. It takes some people a longer time than others to get over a relationship. I have a guy friend who was engaged to a girl and it took him over a year before he started talking about other girls. As one book I read puts it, your mind's telling you to move on but your heart is telling you not to, and that's what keeps the conflict going. Getting someone completely different than Rachel is not the answer to your problem. When you feel like you're ready to move on, you need to meet new people and it's during that process that you see qualities in people that you would like in a mate. You don't have to get in a serious relationship right now. Take your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author badz2801 Posted February 4, 2003 Author Share Posted February 4, 2003 ThisGirlNameKD To answer your question...I think I just plain miss Rachel. I miss spending time with her, doing things together and how she made me feel. I don't feel like I was not good enough, b/c I know I was. I am just very loyal and when I do end up liking someone, I really like them. I guess my problem is finding someone that I click well with and find attractive. I have noticed that over time my feelings for her have are reducing, just not gone. I do feel like I was cheated and stabbed in the back by my best friend. What makes it worse is that I knew she would regret what she did, now it looks like I am correct. Yet, in the end too much has happened to just accept it and take her back. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 When a person is loyal and faithful, I mean, when that's just part of their nature, and their partner isn't, it's even more painful when their partner isn't because you expect them to treat loyalty and faithfulness the same way that you do. But it sounds like you're coming along. You're gonna have days when you feel good and then you're gonna have days when you feel bad or like you can't move on. That's all part of the break up process. And, my advice to you is to keep moving on, or doing what you're doing to move on. You're gonna get there on your own time. Link to post Share on other sites
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