AubreyJane Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Hello everyone... I have found myself in a very interesting position at this time in my life and need some words of wisdom. So here goes... I lost my best friend 8 years ago due to a tragic disease. We were literally together everyday. After she passed away, I lost touch with her family because I was having a difficult time coping with her death and at the time, thought the solution was to seperate myself. WELL....jump to the present. I got back in touch with her parents again on Facebook, of all things, and went to a get together at their house a few weekends ago. This was an amazing experience for me. So much support from her parents and family friends...Including my now ex. He is my best friend's cousin..I had never met him but definetley felt a spark with him, was physically attracted to him and we were the same age...So we hit it off at the get together and even talked for at least a hour and he contacted me on Facebook the next day. Soon enough after sending a few emails, we exchanged phone numbers. And the courtship began. (I should note that he lives across the country from me but is moving in about a month to where I live) It was a whirlwind romance type deal. He was the driving factor in the whole thing. Including buying me plane tickets to come see him for a week and also for my bday... Well I get there and two hours into it and hes completley cold and nervous and not the cutesy lovey dovey guy I thought I knew . I spent a day of pondering until I brought something up to him which resulted in him telling me he feels "pressured" because of my close knit relationship with his family and its my bday blah blah blah....And I just basically told him we dont have to take things that fast (I mean the conversations we had verged on I love you and literally he would talk about me moving in with him) so I thought we had a good chat we actually both cried and the next day was my bday and we had a great day. The following day, He was a million miles away again. So I confronted him once again, and he told "I thought I made it clear, I do not want a relationship now" So I promptly asked for his keys (we were out at dinner with a group of his friends) and took a cab back to his place, packed my stuff, and changed my flight for the next morning. He came back later that night to his place and we chatted, I did not have anything to say though at this point. We slept together one last night, it was peaceful and probably the best sex we had the entire trip... I left the next morning as planned and we hugged goodbye now I have not heard from him since I have gotten home.... I have gotten several opinions from his family members that hes probably just freaking out about all his stress of buying his first home, moving across the country, etc... I just feel like I should try to contact him to break the ice so to speak because We have to be in eachother's lives due to the family ties we have....I am so tied up in knots and confused...I do not know how someone can go from telling you he is literally falling in love with you to this... Complete 180! I am sure I will reveal more of the story throughout other posts...But thank you for listening!! Link to post Share on other sites
Girlygal Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 His family has probably been hounding him about your relationship and making him feel like they expect hi to do more then he is ready to do. While you two may be on the same page he coiuld be feeling the outside pressure of family get to him. I know in my family when my brothers start dating it doesnt take long before we are hounding them about getting married moving in together ect... If the family knew he flew you out for your b-day they may have pounced on him (the comment about close knit relationship you have with them) and if they do like you that much they may really be after him to commit to you. I would give him some time and then maybe after he moves back give him a call and see if you could be of any help with the move. But don't put to much pressure on, if he is already feeling the squeeze any pressure from you will make him blow. But once you have a casual meeting i would make sure that you let him know that you arent looking to move in with him any time soon and that you are wanting to take things slowly to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AubreyJane Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 His family has probably been hounding him about your relationship and making him feel like they expect hi to do more then he is ready to do. While you two may be on the same page he coiuld be feeling the outside pressure of family get to him. I know in my family when my brothers start dating it doesnt take long before we are hounding them about getting married moving in together ect... If the family knew he flew you out for your b-day they may have pounced on him (the comment about close knit relationship you have with them) and if they do like you that much they may really be after him to commit to you. I would give him some time and then maybe after he moves back give him a call and see if you could be of any help with the move. But don't put to much pressure on, if he is already feeling the squeeze any pressure from you will make him blow. But once you have a casual meeting i would make sure that you let him know that you arent looking to move in with him any time soon and that you are wanting to take things slowly to. His family was not putting pressure on him directly, but I think he felt very pressured that things had to work out between him and I "or else" kind of thing. I thought we talked through that though... There is also another part of this whole thing...He has a best friend that is a girl who he used to date, however, now she has decided she is a lesbian. She broke his heart several times from what I know, and she has a tough time with him dating anyone new especially when he gets serious and she knew about me. He went to her graduation the weekend before I came to his house. And while I was there she called him freaking out about her gf cheating on her with her ex gf....Some of my friends say this has something to do with him and I not being together eventhough he insists there are not feelings.... UGHHHH this whole thing is just way too involved and complicated. I am just trying so hard to let myself down slowly. Link to post Share on other sites
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