Girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me and she still wants to talk to me every day

[leonar]

I am currently 27 years old and my GF is 24 years old. We met in college three years ago when she was a Junior and I was in graduated school. For the first six months, our relationship went well. We spent pretty much a lot of our time with each other. Then things started to go downhill a bit with more disagreement and drama until she graduated college. After finishing college, she moved in with her parents in Boston while I moved back home to CA. We would do the long distance relationship and I would go to Boston and spend a month or so with her every 4-6 months at her parents' house.

 

However, recently she said that we should take a break because she wanted to explore single life a bit (I am her first boyfriend by the way). Immediately, I was shocked because it came out of nowhere. After further probing, I discovered that she has been going out with a guy as a "friend" for the past few months and they were going to dance club, movies, etc... and they were holding hands despite being friend (personally, I am not sure holding hand is classified just as being "friend"). I confronted her on this issue and she admitted to it and she was sorry that she didn't tell me about this new guy for the past few months. However, she keeps on insisting that they are just friend, which I do believe, but I think their friendship will develop into a relationship in the future. In any case, after I confronted her about this new guy. She broke up with me and said that we should just be friend.

 

I love her despite there are flaws in our relationship and I am jealous just thinking about her with another guy and how another guy can make her happy and smile while I am no longer able to do so. A BIG part of me want to be together again and work out our differences. She however, just want to be single for now, but she keeps calling me everyday to talk and she said she enjoys talking to me and she doesn't want this aspect of our relationship to stop despite the fact that we are no longer bf/gf, but just friend.

 

I also confronted this guy who she was seeing and my ex-girlfriend just got even more mad. If they were just friend, then why does it matter and why does she had to be so mad?

 

Well as for me, I am definitely sad by the situation and I want to know why continuing to talk to your ex-girlfriend will have the opposite effect of getting her back? (I heard this from Dr. Laura Schleshinger on the radio)

[Dexter Morgan]

I love her despite there are flaws in our relationship and I am jealous just thinking about her with another guy and how another guy can make her happy and smile while I am no longer able to do so. A BIG part of me want to be together again and work out our differences. She however, just want to be single for now, but she keeps calling me everyday to talk and she said she enjoys talking to me and she doesn't want this aspect of our relationship to stop despite the fact that we are no longer bf/gf, but just friend.

 

Either she wants you or she doesn't. She has no business tossing you to the side, but keeping a carrot dangling in front of your face. She wants to keep you as an option while she goes out and has her fun.

 

Remove yourself as an option and simply tell her, "you want to date other people...go ahead, but don't try to keep me dangling on a string"

 

the other thing too is, if she gets into a relationship with another guy, and she is still talking to you, that isn't fair to the other guy for her to be talking to the X that she is keeping as an option.

 

So question is...are you a man? Or are you an option to be toyed with?

 

 

I also confronted this guy who she was seeing and my ex-girlfriend just got even more mad. If they were just friend, then why does it matter and why does she had to be so mad?

 

who cares? cut off contact with her and let her eat her heart out wondering where you are and why you aren't talking to her.

 

 

Well as for me, I am definitely sad by the situation and I want to know why continuing to talk to your ex-girlfriend will have the opposite effect of getting her back? (I heard this from Dr. Laura Schleshinger on the radio)

 

Why do you want her back? Ya ya...I know...you love her:love:

 

Well apparantly she doesn't feel the same and she is doing any other guy she tries to test the waters with a disservice by keeping in contact with you. She is a player. If thats what you want, then its your call.

 

Personally, I'd cut all contact with her and let her know I wasn't an option to be played with.

[bluewolf17]

Hmm.

 

You dated a long time, and it's always sad when it ends, but come one. She is with a new guy. Don't deny it, or let her lie to you. That's what he is. She moved on, a long time before she actually told you. So while the pain is still fresh to you, it may not be for her.

 

She probably still wants to talk to you, because you are familier, comfortable, and because you answer. Maybe it's a ego boost, maybe she just wants to keep the lines of communication open, it case she changes her mind. Either way, it's not fair to you.

 

I know how it feels to not want to give up on someone whom you love so much, but remember that you can't toture yourself. Talking to her, it only going to prolong the pain when she doesn't get back with you. You can take the pain in one lump sum, or spread out in installments, like you are doing now. I suggest telling her you can't talk to her anymore, if it's over. Let her do the rest of the work.

 

You just take care of yourself.

[leonar]

Thanks guys for your advice.

 

It's definitely hard to move on indeed. It's just so hard to imagine her loving someone else and being with another guy.

[boogieboy]

Yeah, cut her off completely. Its most likely an ego boost, and a support situation, thats why she calls every day. She gets to have her new bf and have the comfort of you standing by ready to talk at any time. Dont do it, it doesnt work. Cut her off completely. Tell her to let you know if she changes her mind, until then, no calls, texts, emails, whatever. But the arguments and the distance from each other is what broke you up. She will still miss you generally, she'll send you texts, emails, but she wont want to get back with you unless she specifically says so. But she has to miss you to do it. If you keep talking to her, she'll never get a chance to miss you. Get rid of anything that reminds you of her.

 

This is very common for a girl to keep calling after a breakup. Just look at the other threads on this site, or do a google search for "she broke up with me, she keeps calling". You will see many articles, all the same scenario, and the universal solution is to bail.

 

I'm in the same situation, but I foolishly let the dangling go on for 2 months after I was dumped. I had to do research to find out my ex gf texting me was unconciously manipulative. Move on for yourself, the way I get thru it is to tell myself that my ex gf wont ever tell me the real reasons why she dumped me,and shes not coming back ever. Helps me sleep at night. Get yourself a girl for a rebound if you need it, that always helps for me.

 

This is the only way, you have to blind sight her to make this work for both of you. And you have to do it now. The sooner the better.

 

The bottom line is, even if she had an incling of thinking of getting back with you, she wont think about it until this new guy screws up. That could take months. So in the meantime you gotta get another girl. if you make it public, it might make your ex jealous. By that time you might not even want your ex anymore.

[leonar]

Yeah, she says this new guy is just a friend. The guy also said he is just a friend and is not interested in pursuing her for a relationship. However, whenever she gets home from work, she keeps chatting with the guy over Facebook and she would go out with him on the weekend to dances or stuff.

 

Whenever I asked her about the guy, she would get really angry and accused me of being controlling, etc.... which I am not. So yeah, she enjoys spending time with another guy and it hurts.

 

So did your ex ever wants you back yet boogieboy?

[EmperorR]

Yeah, she says this new guy is just a friend. The guy also said he is just a friend and is not interested in pursuing her for a relationship. However, whenever she gets home from work, she keeps chatting with the guy over Facebook and she would go out with him on the weekend to dances or stuff.

 

Whenever I asked her about the guy, she would get really angry and accused me of being controlling, etc.... which I am not. So yeah, she enjoys spending time with another guy and it hurts.

 

So did your ex ever wants you back yet boogieboy?

 

 

CUT HER OFF RIGHT NOW, et me tell you something about "friends" who pop up after you were dumped there not just friends.

 

I got that same crap "he;s just a friend, I'll never date him", a week later, just cut her off go NC, what you don't know, see, hear can't hurt you.

[boogieboy]

Whenever I asked her about the guy, she would get really angry and accused me of being controlling, etc.... which I am not. So yeah, she enjoys spending time with another guy and it hurts.

 

So did your ex ever wants you back yet boogieboy?

 

Many people are full of shyte, and during a breakup cant be believed becuase they dont want to deal with the guilt. So if she says the guys is just a friend, its crap. Bottom line is, she doesnt want a relationship with you, it doesnt matter who shes hanging with.

 

In my case, my assumption is no. So far my ex told me she might wanna try again one day, which is clearly crap. She told me this to keep me hanging on and talking to her for her ego benefit. Thats what i tell myself. She COULD be thinking that she wants to take a break to try someone and come back, but that rarely happens. What Im doing now is acting to busy to text her. I have nuthin better to do, so I am seeing what kinda results this "pulling away" technique yields. I have to see if her thinking shes not as important to me to make her wanna know whats happening works better than a total cutoff where she knows she cant contact me at all and gives up. Only because I know if I tell her "you cant contact me until you change your mind" I know ill never hear from her again.