It's been almost 5 months since our break up, feeling a bit better....

[contax]

I was with my girl for 5 years and 4 months. I got angry at her cause she was chilling with this other guy. I confronted her, broke up with her, asked her if we can work it out - she said no.....3 days later - she's with the guy. I don't believe she cheated physically, but emotionally.

 

She's with him now, and is unhappy. She called me on sunday 7 times. I didn't pick it up. She calls me every month.

 

I talked to her 2 weeks ago cause she called me 47 times in a span of 40 mins.

 

I am still hurt, but I'm commited to healing. I have a great job, and have some trips planned. I'm tempted to wild out and party with alchohol and weed, but don't want to go that route....I am still hurt, as we were such a team....but it's dead now.....

 

I do not want to be a victim, but proactive....I want her out of my head...

 

Why the hell is she calling me?

[Dmoney28]

Simple, she wants that old thing back. She found out the grass isnt greener on the other side. 5 years is a long time to be someone. Those kind of feeling, experiences and memories dont fade away after a few months. They, along with her guilt is keeping you on her mind 24/7.

[contax]

Dmoney, thanks so much for your reply. I agree with what you said.

I am still hurt andI told her not to contact me, as I'm healing and it just reopens the wound. Last time she called she asked about the love letters I wrote her etc..and If I still feel the same way. I wrote her hundreds...her new man is an alchoholic and not creative like that..its fine though...no hate...I'll get back to this..thanks again though!

[californiadreaming]

First of all DMoney where ya at?! lol- long time no speak bro.

 

Yea, different route on my end, However I feel your pain. My suggestion is for you to do you. Just focus on you, If it is meant to be it will. Simple as that.

At the same time you knw your situation better then anyone here. You play off of that.

[contax]

I'm comitted to healing.

 

She's dead to me though. Went through the cordial and polite talk.

 

It's a no deal with her though. I wish her well, and I'm set on healing

Now and again flashes of her come through my mind. I just don't dwell on it.

 

I used to fantasize about her but if those thoughts come, I let them pass through my head. I don't try to deliberately think of her, but it happens sometimes.

 

I look at girls in the subway, and know I don't want to be with any no matter how attractive. I'm just trying to work, be with friends and family.

All whilst having a fun time. No alchohol and I quit Cigarettes.

 

Just trying to grow and improve.

 

....That's where I'm at now. I envision I will find a great relationship one day.

[LIMEstrike]

Hey contax, I just want to say good job man.

 

i'm in the process of healing and i just decided today that i want to commit to healing. it's best for me. i was with my girl for 2 years, not nearly 5, but i loved her. broke up with her 2 months ago, i regretted it, now she's with some new guy.

 

but your story really motivates me, and it just adds to my wanting to commit to heal. if she ever tries to communicate with me, i will refuse, because your right, it will just open up the wounds, and i want them healed.

 

i too, look forward to the new relationship that will fall upon me in the future and will be the one. we'll find her.

[andy2009]

hi contax, really great

can you tell me what things you have done in order to heal.. you started some new hobbies or something. Can you share with me ?

[contax]

Hey contax, I just want to say good job man.

 

i'm in the process of healing and i just decided today that i want to commit to healing. it's best for me. i was with my girl for 2 years, not nearly 5, but i loved her. broke up with her 2 months ago, i regretted it, now she's with some new guy.

 

but your story really motivates me, and it just adds to my wanting to commit to heal. if she ever tries to communicate with me, i will refuse, because your right, it will just open up the wounds, and i want them healed.

 

i too, look forward to the new relationship that will fall upon me in the future and will be the one. we'll find her.

 

Thanks Limestrike, I appreciate it. I hope you find an amazing girl too.

We're almost in the same boat. I left my girl and she hooked up with a new guy 3 days later. I knew we were incompatible, but knowing she just rebounded hurt alot. What hurts me is thinking about how she is with another guy. Some people just don't take time to heal - after break ups both parties need time alone not to jump into something else - otherwise they collect breakups and when they find themselves alone their really hurt. They say break ups of rebounds are 10x worse.

 

Someone wrote here like how can some girls just change over night. It's a joke! She told me back when it happened that she told him she loved him and does the same kiss bye pattern she did with me on the phone - how wack is that? Like be more original for heaven's sake lol.

 

I'm happy my story motivates you. Just imagine you taking alone time to heal, finding an amazing girl and loving life.

 

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, but I keep first things first!

I am learning how to be a whole person - she never completed me, or was the center of my life...being with someone for so long makes you closer though, so it is challenging.

 

Thanks again, and I hope to hear success stories from you.

[contax]

hi contax, really great

can you tell me what things you have done in order to heal.. you started some new hobbies or something. Can you share with me ?

 

Thanks Andy, I appreciate it!

 

I have been doing a few things to heal

here are some.

 

- Completely read Rebuilding when your relationship ends - by Bruce Fischer

- I go to work everyday

- I write my emotions out in the love map template:

Anger

Hurt

Fear

My own responsibility

Love/my intentions/what I want to happen

- I've been reading alot

- Write poetry

- I take walks downtown for a while, looking at the cool

clothes and shops

- If she goes through my mind, I think of all the mean things she did

being rude, her anger, her selfishness etc

- I don't look at our photos, her facebook or myspace

I still have them and put them all away in boxes

- I hang with long term friends look them straight in the eys and telll them I love you guys, appreciate your loyalty and build with them at stronger levels - true friendship

- I talk to 2 female friends for another perspective which is nice

I cut off all girls for my ex when I was with her so it's nice

 

I hope that helps for you guys, it has for me.

 

Also, I told my ex when she called and asked "How are you" amidst her world of rebound and I told her "I'm healing" and she kinda paused...cause I feel in her heart thats what she had to do....but its fine...It's been almost a month of not talking to her on the phone and I'm set on doing that.

 

I hope everyone heals, and finds love with integrity here.

[andy2009]

Hi contax, really thanx for sharing.

it will help me to overcome.

wish u all the best

[Dmoney28]

Oh snap, what up cali...long time bro. I dont mean to hijack the thread. Just want to say whats up to mu boy californiadreaming. Everything cool bro? How are you getting along?

[contax]

Thanks again Andy, no prob Dmoney.

 

*********Situation Update*************

 

So I still haven't talked to her for about a month now.

We've been broken up for around 5 months.

I emailed her in mid April about meeting up and talking about something important/urgent. She never replied to that email then, but we talked for the last time a few days after that. I said all I had to say. End, no more dealings with her.

 

Yesterday she replied to that one month old email, saying sorry she just got it now and what did you "wanted" (uneducated sp lol, whatever) to talk about?

 

I laughed, and never replied.

 

Then throughout the day (yesterday) she called me - 16 times!

 

When I came home from work on the bus I pass by her intersection.

I was with my co-worker. I had a weird feeling so I look out the window at her stop and she's there staring at me! This is at a very bad neighbourhood at 12am. I pointed her out to my friend. He told me it's better I left her like wtf is she doing out there so late. I joked and said I know probably prostituing lol...which she wasn't that's just my negative thinking. I glanced at her again, and she looked into my eyes and gave body language like what's up, come off the bus. I looked away. She knows when I finish work and what bus I take. So I feel she was there just to get a glimpse of me. Then when I came home she called me as soon as I got in from her home phone. I felt hurt after, because It's like why did this have to end? She excited me like no other girl. Today I heard one of my friends got back with his ex....they broke up when I did with mine....he went with another girl but she didn't. It triggered me and hurt me.

 

Now I'm feeling good and happy. I'm going NC...it's over one month.

 

I told her before - her calling me is affecting my healing - no respect. I will not pick up her calls though. I've been through so much..I am dead to her.

Peace and love to her though. I'm grateful it never progressed to kids, marriage and money issues...I'm free!

[wanjirum]

Hi guys,

 

I have just been reading over this thread but I need some advice, and my situation is very similar.

 

Here's a snippet of the background:

 

My ex and I were in a long distance relationship. However during Jan we kept arguing and he called things off. After which we kept talking over the phone and I was hoping there would have been a chance once we saw each other over Easter. Luckily he ended up traveling to my country for business, in desperation and from all the stories I was hearing (from cousins and friends about other women he was messing about with). I decided to surprise him and meet him at the airport (it was a weird meeting but we finally warmed up and had a coffee. After which I he then traveled 40 minutes from my town to another town for business. Following my cousin's advice I decided to jump on a train and go meet him and talk things out, perhaps discuss what happened. But he was jet lagged and did not take the surprise too well . After which I proceeded to leave. I left him a letter and his birthday card and gift.

 

Now I am worried my actions only pushed hi further away and reaffirmed the fact he should have been with the other girl he had been messing around with. We haven't spoken for close to 6 weeks and this is very strange because we were in an intense relationship for 2 years and we had met each others parents. To make the situation worse we talked like every single day. Now I am not sure if this new girl is a rebound, everyone tells me she is the exact opposite of me (more submissive and less independent) and he also seems to be having a fling on the side with another different girl whilst with the current girl. So does that mean he doesn't really care about the current girl he is with? What makes things worse is he met her in the club or rather has suspected her of cheating twice and has forgiven her. I am worried as time passes he will forget me and get more serious with this girl or someone else and as we are getting older, perhaps get married before I move home.

 

Is this relationship a rebound? Does he still miss me? Should I make contact? Is there a chance for us?

 

Currently I am trying to work on myself but I am still so torn, I still love him and miss him dearly Does he even think about me? To make matters worse this new girl seems very calculative and she seems like she knows the game she is playing.

 

Thank you for your advice. Well I think the biggest mistake I made was after he broke up with me everyone tonnes told me NC, but I kept blowing him up on the cell and leaving him 1000 of messages. I don't think he had a valid reason to break up apart from our arguments and this gave him another reason, saying I was too clingy and over smothering. Now I have been NC for 60 days and I still see no hope. I should be returning home in a month. What makes it worse we will definitely bump into each other, we hang out in the same clubs and around the same crowds. But worst of all I just miss his friendship terribly. But I guess the ball is in his court. Do you think this thing with this girl is serious?

[contax]

Hi guys,

 

I have just been reading over this thread but I need some advice, and my situation is very similar.

 

Here's a snippet of the background:

 

My ex and I were in a long distance relationship. However during Jan we kept arguing and he called things off. After which we kept talking over the phone and I was hoping there would have been a chance once we saw each other over Easter. Luckily he ended up traveling to my country for business, in desperation and from all the stories I was hearing (from cousins and friends about other women he was messing about with). I decided to surprise him and meet him at the airport (it was a weird meeting but we finally warmed up and had a coffee. After which I he then traveled 40 minutes from my town to another town for business. Following my cousin's advice I decided to jump on a train and go meet him and talk things out, perhaps discuss what happened. But he was jet lagged and did not take the surprise too well . After which I proceeded to leave. I left him a letter and his birthday card and gift.

 

Now I am worried my actions only pushed hi further away and reaffirmed the fact he should have been with the other girl he had been messing around with. We haven't spoken for close to 6 weeks and this is very strange because we were in an intense relationship for 2 years and we had met each others parents. To make the situation worse we talked like every single day. Now I am not sure if this new girl is a rebound, everyone tells me she is the exact opposite of me (more submissive and less independent) and he also seems to be having a fling on the side with another different girl whilst with the current girl. So does that mean he doesn't really care about the current girl he is with? What makes things worse is he met her in the club or rather has suspected her of cheating twice and has forgiven her. I am worried as time passes he will forget me and get more serious with this girl or someone else and as we are getting older, perhaps get married before I move home.

 

Is this relationship a rebound? Does he still miss me? Should I make contact? Is there a chance for us?

 

Currently I am trying to work on myself but I am still so torn, I still love him and miss him dearly Does he even think about me? To make matters worse this new girl seems very calculative and she seems like she knows the game she is playing.

 

Thank you for your advice. Well I think the biggest mistake I made was after he broke up with me everyone tonnes told me NC, but I kept blowing him up on the cell and leaving him 1000 of messages. I don't think he had a valid reason to break up apart from our arguments and this gave him another reason, saying I was too clingy and over smothering. Now I have been NC for 60 days and I still see no hope. I should be returning home in a month. What makes it worse we will definitely bump into each other, we hang out in the same clubs and around the same crowds. But worst of all I just miss his friendship terribly. But I guess the ball is in his court. Do you think this thing with this girl is serious?

 

This dude sounds like he has no integrity. He's seeing all these other girls on the side. Go No contact if you want him back or if you want to heal, that's the best option.

 

Also, can we please keep this topic focused? Make a separate topic.

If it's similar to my situation thats cool. LD relationships are different.

You have to make the decision to move close to eachother or they don't work.

 

It's all love.