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Why is my ex-GF ignoring me?

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Old 13th April 2009, 8:25 AM   #1
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Why is my ex-GF ignoring me?

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me last Fall, after a one year relationship. The break up was all her idea -- I didn't want to break up and made that clear to her.

Last January, we started talking again and seemed to be headed towards getting back together again. Then she met a guy in a bar, fell instantly in love with him, and after two dates announced that she was in a relationship with him. The last time we talked was in February, and she was super-friendly and insisted that she wanted us to stay friends. I told her that it seemed too soon for her to be dating again, but she told me that she was totally over me and was ready for a new relationship. I said I needed some time, but we should try and stay friends.

I'm a regular at the coffee shop where she works (that's how we met) and stayed away for a month or so until I was feeling better. When I started going back, I made a point of being very positive and upbeat whenever I go there. But what's odd is that now, whenever I see my ex at the shop, she totally ignores me. She won't look at me, won't make eye contact and won't talk to me -- she seems to visibly stiffen and get tense when she sees me. She is totally different than when she saw me in the shop in February, when she was relaxed and friendly and eager to talk to me. It's been getting to the point of being ridiculous -- I know other people in the shop, and there have been times when I'm chatting with three of her friends, we're all laughing and my ex is pretending she can't see me.

Why is she acting like this? I've tried emailing, telling her that I'm feeling fine about our breakup and she doesn't need to feel awkward around me, but she just ignored it and, if anything, she seems to be avoiding me even more now.

I thought maybe her new boyfriend didn't want her talking to me, but I found out that her new 'relationship' lasted about a month before they broke up, so that can't be it.

Is this some kind of 'woman-thing' that we guys can't understand? It seems kind of silly to pretend that your ex-boyfriend (or anyone, for that matter) is invisible. Sometimes I feel like I should just jump in front of her and say "Can you see me now?" I suppose it's not really a big deal, but I just don't understand why she's acting like this.
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Old 13th April 2009, 9:18 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by EasyHeart View Post
I told her that it seemed too soon for her to be dating again, but she told me that she was totally over me and was ready for a new relationship.
Why did you tell her that? Isn't it her choice to decide when she's ready?

Maybe she's embarrassed because her relationship with the other guy didn't work out, maybe she's truly over you and sees you as a closed chapter in her life.

I don't think it's a gender thing. She wants to move on without you. I think you should do the same. While some people can be friends after a relationship ends, many cannot.
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Old 13th April 2009, 9:35 AM   #3
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I think she is mad that maybe you were right. rather than admit her mistake, it is better for her to be mad at you for being right, and prove to you she doesn't need you.
Let her behave the way she wants.
if you continue to ignore her, but not unkindly, one day she will break and come and say hello or contact you.
You both need to move on, and pretend you never were a couple. let the past be the past.
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Old 13th April 2009, 3:45 PM   #4
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Thanks for the responses. This situation just doesn't make sense to me -- it's so weird. I could understand if I had dumped her, or if I had been mean or angry. But she broke up with me, and I was very respectful when we parted ways. And I could understand if she weren't super-friendly and just treated me like I was another customer. But she literally can't look at me and she almost looks like she gets tense and goes pale when I'm around. What is that about?
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