Ally Boo Posted October 23, 2002 Share Posted October 23, 2002 After a very difficult week, and a very beneficial session with my counseler yesterday, I've decided that what I want to have in a relationship...isn't what I have. I have to get out of the relationship that I'm in, and because of numerous ties we have, it's going to take some time. I've never been successful at getting away from him either. This is going to be incredibly hard, bc I have loved him so hard, so much, for so long. But I'm strong and I know I can do it. Does anyone have any advice on breaking up, without being mean? He knows that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him, and it's going to be hard to convince him that we need to split. He's going through a lot right now...but I know I have to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted October 23, 2002 Share Posted October 23, 2002 Ally Boo, I'm sorry to hear that - although it does sound like it was going sour. My best advice, tell him that while you do care about him, he's not the guy that you see yourself spending your life with. What you want is not what he can give. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 23, 2002 Share Posted October 23, 2002 once had a good suggestion ... in a special ceremony involving your soon to be ex, say "I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee" and it's done with! seriously, though, I don't know what is the good way to dump someone, I usually got dumped. I can tell you that you definitely should avoid being hysterical, that works against you. Honesty is always a good thing, as is acting in a classy manner even when things are going crappy. Good luck, especially since you've shared with us how you really care for this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted October 23, 2002 Share Posted October 23, 2002 just be honest. try not to originate the thought coming from anything to do with a counselor, because then he'll think he still has a chance. just say that this relationship isn't giving me what i want. state what it is that you want that he is not capable of giving you right now. state that it is unhealthy, lonely, etc. and that you see it isn't going to move forward to something that is mutually beneficial. don't name call, recite bad times, arguments. make it unemotional and be unyielding. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ally Boo Posted October 25, 2002 Author Share Posted October 25, 2002 I did it. We had a very long talk. I told him exactly how I felt, and told him some things that I know hurt him to hear...hurt me to say, but needed to be said. It worked out to where he thought it was HIS idea to break up. Now, we still have some loose ends, but those will take care of themselves, I'm hoping. I'm just incredibly thankful that it worked out smoothly. Its hard for me to want to stay single, bc I hate being alone, but I want to be alone, and I want to learn about myself and be happy with myself. So, NOW, all I need is the strength to hurt...then heal. I just thought I'd give yall an update! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ally Boo Posted October 26, 2002 Author Share Posted October 26, 2002 I'm not very good at this breaking up stuff. Yesterday, I told him that I was packing his stuff up for him. He got upset and showed up at my house. Told me he could love me how I needed to be loved, that I am his support system and he needs my help. I told him, the only way I'd ever be with him again, was if he went to counseling. He never said anything.... Then we went out last night and actually hung out at a bar...supposed to do it again tonight. But I got kinda plastered and asked him to come home last night bc I wanted him to hold me. Yeah well you know what all happened.... UGH!! Why can't breaking up be easy...I love him and don't want to give up on him! Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted October 27, 2002 Share Posted October 27, 2002 in that he said he is ready to love you the way you want and need to be loved. that is so crucial because too many times people try to impose their idea of love and loving behavior on us. do you have the energy to continue to deal with this guy? do you have the patience to help show him the way? i think it is reasonable for you to want him to go to counseling together. do you think that is the problem? if you phrase it in a way that it is a positive thing that the two of you do together and not something that you are doing because he is "bad", "sick", "dysfunctional" then i think that if he loves you, he'll go. but if he doesn't want to go, you'll have a tough decision to make. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ally Boo Posted October 31, 2002 Author Share Posted October 31, 2002 Well, its been a week, and things are still good. Granted...it's ONLY been a week. hehe We went out two nights to clubs...he's been home every night, and things are just really nice. I'm happy. And I hope it lasts. Link to post Share on other sites
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