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He says he still loves and misses me..


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scotlandchick

My ex and I were with each other for about a year and half. (FYI he's 25 and i'm 24) Towards the end things got rocky but i chalked up his weird behavior to the fact that he was under a ton of stress from a job he utterly hated and also because he had just gotten into a serious car accident. Eventually he broke it off saying that it was because of this stress that he didn't think he could be in relationship blah blah.

 

So flash forward two months and I finally get up the nerve (thank you alcohol) to text him i miss you. We started talking again and eventually seeing each other even though he told me he's seeing someone else but not serious at all. She was actually also had just gotten out of a very very serious relationship and was still 'seeing' her ex. After dealing with that for two months I finally ended it since he couldn't decide between the two of us and said could never talk to each other again. He called me 5 days later asking to get back together and i said yes. Later we talked things through and he said he knew he could prove to me that he had changed and I wouldn't regret my decision of taking him back .of course i asked him if it was really over with her and he said it although they still talked a lil. Because i was very suspicious about why he wouldn't show me the texts that they exchanged i looked and found out they had NEVER stopped talking and to make matters worse they were very intimate personal texts. I confronted him, he said he just didn't want to get me involved and let on that their relationship had ended messily, he wrote long e-mail pledging his love and saying he would do anything, promises that its over with the girl and even e-mails her to tell her they couldn't talk, takes me out to dinner. During that the girl started calling and texting him like crazy. He said he would have to talk to her and then i found another text on his pone from earlie that day that wasn't personal but still so i flipped out. The next day he tells me that all day he was receiving these horrible texts, e-mails and voicemails from the girl (who even went so far as to threaten to kill herself) and that he was worried this was gonna hurt our relationship since the situation was still unresolved. I then told him if you would do anything for me that I wanted him to choose bt me and her which at that point he said he was thinking he shouldn't be with either. After that i demanded he talk with me and we spent the afternoon at my place and ended up having a great time and he left saying i love and that he would end it. he never called so i called him super late at nite to ask him what had happened when he called her and he said that he needed more time to figure out his situation. At first i said no but than changed my mind, He thanked me so much and said how this made him love me even more and showed him how much we should be together. I barely heard from him over the weekend even and the texts he did send me were very short and vague. That Monday he casually tells me she spent the weekend at his place, that he was sorry but 'is going to continue to see her for the time being' even though he continues to tell me he loves me and misses me (And trust me i've asked him if he just loved me or was still in love with me and he said the latter) Needless to say i was upset esp since it all happened so fast and less than a week before valentines day. He even e-mailed me this jokey happy e-mail a day and half later after all that because he missed me!

 

Despite everything i still love him very much and wonder if maybe if it was my getting so upset the last couple of times we saw each other that made him change his mind about us (before that week we honestly had maybe 2 actual fights during our entire relationship.otherwise we would have 'discussions'). Even though i know its wrong and stupid i do want him back. I just don't get how things could have changed so quickly in less than 24 hrs especially since he had just described their relationship as a 'terrible, horrific experience'. At the moment i've told him we can't have any contact since talking to him only leads me on more and hurts me more. Unfortunately that came after we had this bad fight where i asked him again to clarify why he had changed his mind so drastically. Needless to say he got really angry and annoyed and said that he had nothing else to say about the issue and that this wasn't helping me convince him that i was the one he should've chosen. I tried to change the subject and end it on a good note and we sorta did that but he still sounded really annoyed and angry. that was about a week ago and i can't stop thinking about how much I miss him and want to contact him. And to make matters worse yesterday was his birthday so my need was even greater.I know he has his issues but never in a million years did i think he would do that to me all over again. also I'm now afraid that he thinks i'm this crazy ex girlfriend for flipping out so much which he always used to say that i never was. Like i said before we never really argued except for a couple minor times. We both hated arguing cause it never seemed to end up getting anywhere so we would instead talk things over. Am an idiot for still holding hope for us? Why did he go to all the trouble of trying to get us back together to only change his mind the next day? Should i text him an inside joke to know that i'm still interested and love him?

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Oh my my my....

 

1. If someone loves you then don't need to be "convinced". Him saying this to you indicates to me that he is playing a little game with you- see how well behaved you are so he can "reward" you with a relationship. Is he going to dangle this bait in front of you down the track if you get upset about something? Will he start manipulating you with threats of breaking up or that "he made a mistake" choosing you? This is NOT healthy. :mad:

 

2. If he really was confused and then declared he still loved you, he would then want to be with you and only you.

 

3. Keeping more than 1 girl hanging on is only serving to feed his ego. He could easily report his ex's threats of suicide to her family/friends and then cut her off. It's NOT THAT HARD. He is choosing to keep her in his life because it serves him a purpose- a massive ego stroke.

 

4. At this stage I would say a guy that runs off to another girl while giving you hope isn't the kind of guy you can trust not to do the same thing down the track.

 

5. Wouldn't you rather be commited to a guy who is sure he loves you? Do you really want to be with a guy who maybe, kind of wants to be with you and changes his mind every day?

 

6.. You should cut him out of your life and tell him if he wants to be with you 100% then he needs to prove you are the ONLY girl in his life.

 

To conclude- tell him you don't want to speak with him/see him/email him/message him/smoke signal/morse code/whatever him. Tell him you deserve better. Cut him off.

 

He will come running back then, if you play your cards right and really cut him off, you will have him begging and pleading..... he will be beating down your door. Don't mistake this for "love". He is doing this because it's human nature to want what we can't have. He will make you feel needed and declare he made a mistake..blah..blah...but make no mistake- he is capable of repeating this cycle all over again...

 

You need to ask yourself if you want to be with a guy who is just not quite sure about you. And believe me- this guy is just NOT THAT SURE ABOUT YOU- Don't you deserve better?

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