Money

[Change matters]

My boyfriend and had been dating for 3 years. He lied to me much of the time, and I only found out about it later. Over the time we dated I let him borrow a good deal of money to take his ex wife to court to fight for custudy of his son. I broke up w/ him because he was "chating on the side" via internet w/ women and I was sick of it. I asked him if he was ever going to pay the money back and he manipulated the coversation back.....to how he does not feel he should have to pay me back. I don't want him to just get off by manipulating again. What can I do. Talking to him does not seem to work and I don't want to take him to court, what can I do. Should I just chaulk it up to a learning experience?

[clia]

You can't do anything except chalk it up to a learning experience.

 

Even if you did take him to court, you'd need to have (1) proof that you loaned him the money and expected him to pay you back, and (2) proof that he has not paid you back. It's your word against his, which basically amounts to nothing.

 

Next time get it all in writing. (Or, even better, don't loan money to someone you are dating. It's just not smart.)

[Lee]

It is so annoying when people try to give you advice AFTER the fact. Clia, what is the point of saying 'next time don't do this...'?! It is safe to assume that c m has learnt her lesson. It reminds me of my mother saying, 'I told you so...' Argh! SO irritating. And completely pointless.

 

But anyway, my advice to you would be to go to a lawyer and get an official letter written from their office to your boyfriend threatening severe legal action if your debts aren't repaid. Even if you have no case, and don't intend on going to court, the mere receipt of a legal document might be enough to scare him into reaching some kind of agreement with you. I've seen it happen on a number of occasions. If this doesn't work, you don't have many options left. Giving him a guilt trip doesn't sound like it's going to work. When you are positive he won't be paying you back, cut him out of your life completely. He sounds like a very manipulative person and you should start afresh.

[clia]

Umm...she asked if she should chalk it up to experience. I told her YES. She said she didn't want to take him to court, so all she can do is learn from this. She can't force him to pay.

 

So thus, your post is moot.

 

Sure, she can go to a lawyer and have them send a nasty letter. It'll cost her $$ to do so.

 

And then he will go to his lawyer, and the lawyer will say "Well gee, does she have any proof she lent you this money?" (Even if he doesn't have a lawyer, he might have friends who are lawyers who can give him this advice. A legal document doesn't scare anyone who knows what is required to prove and win the case.)

 

And he'll say "No."

 

And the lawyer will say, "Great, then you are all set. It's her word against yours, which is useless. Proof of character means nothing in court. I don't care how much of an a** you are, it means nothing. She has no proof that she even loaned you this money, nor that you never paid her. So...dismissed."

 

It's not worth it, unless she wants to waste the money retaining a lawyer.

[floresle]

How about checks? Did you write any checks to him? Or what if you could get the receipts from what he spent it on. i.e Lawyer, court costs, etc... Maybe you can take him to court...but then again, I'm no lawyer. I hope everything works out for you. Good Luck!

[Ally Boo]

I've loaned money out to someone I was seeing, and they never paid me back. But when I loan someone ANYTHING, I keep in mind that I probably WONT get it back, and I'll never lend more than I can afford to lose. I couldn't do anything....I screwed myself over.