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Need Help thought she was the one?? She changed..


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Subject: Need help gf left not sure what I should do?? Was she the wrong one?

Message: Hey All

 

I need some advice from everyone on the board. Recently my gf of 11 months broke up with me and I am devastated. My gf and I have been seeing each other for 11 months in a long distance relationship, that was getting serious. We met in June of last year and hit it off instantly and became extremely close. Since that time we have been commuting back and fourth from ODU to USC to see each other for the entire school year. We started off as a hookup (SEX) only and it developed a serious relationship. During the time that we started dating her family life was not going well. She did not get along with her mom or sister and only had a stable relationship with her dad. She attributed it to the fact that her mother did not treat her as well as her sister. Due to her poor family life she seemed to latch onto me very easily and intensely. We spent all of our time together, completely cutting out all friends and other interests (I know that was not good). Eight months prior to us getting together, her ex-boyfriend cheated on her and broke her heart. I came into the relationship knowing this and still decided to date her for some unknown reason (her glow). I thought I could help her and produce a long lasting stable relationship from it. Within one month of dating her she "accidentally" told me she loved me, it just popped out of her mouth. I believed her and by the 3rd month I told her the same. With the summer coming to an end we both were getting ready to go off to college for our freshmen year. We decided to stay together and defy the odds. We actually made it work for the entire school year driving 500 miles every two weekends to see on another. We stayed very close and I have many wonderful memories of things we did together. Basically the relationship came before everything, even school. Because of that my gf did not establish friends at her new school and felt very lonely for the entire year. I also did not like it when she went out because she could not limit her alcohol intake. I knew someone would take advantage of that. I spent the entire school year being her only close friend and supported her when she said she could not do it. We got thru the school year just fine and I even took (paid) her to Cancun for spring break to lift her mood. School finally let out and mg gf had managed to transfer to JMU from USC because of her bad experience. The first part of the summer went well until we came back home from visiting her family in Chicago (they all loved me so they say). However, something happened when we were home for the summer. My gf started to be angry with me over everything that I did. I am a fairly easy going guy and not too demanding. She stopped hanging out with me like she use to and I was lucky to see her once a week. Nothing I did was right and her mood changed to anger. I walked on egg shells for an entire month until finally she broke up with me. She said she had been trying to get me to break up with her, yet I made a promise never to break up with her in the beginning. I know that was not a good idea but she needed it at the time. However, since I promised I kept my word. For the month prior to the break up she did many things to hurt me on purpose. She lied to me, said terrible things, and stopped being affectionate. I stayed because I would not break my word and because she use to make me feel like I was her world. I gave her my heart and stayed faithful to her the entire time (yes this was my first love). She said she broke up with me because she was tired of the fighting (the fighting she made happen). When I asked if she wanted to get back together, she said she has been loosing interest and wanted a fresh start at JMU this year. She said she wanted to be single and enjoy single life (yes she is very immature). She completely dropped me after all that I had done for her right out of the blue. She does not call or im me. She apparently does not have a boyfriend, yet does not want me. She said she is scared of getting her heart broken again and has totally stopped talking to me. She has patterns of becoming very close to someone and then dropping them. I have seen her do it with several friends and all of her other boyfriends have cheated on her. I know that our relationship was not the best in the world, but I miss her like hell. She was my best friend prior to getting together and I have lost both a friend and my lover. What should I do? She told me not to wait and that this might be the last time we are intiment with one another. Everything was going great and then bam!, she was done. People tell me to move on and there are more fish in the sea, but none of them seem to be good enough. I fear that I wont have that closeness with someone again, especially with her personality. People tell me not to take her back, that she did nothing good for me. She has not yet come back. She is the type that can have sex without emotional attachment and is definatly a horn dog. She emotionally and physically drained me, yet I still want her back. I know in my mind she is bad for me, but my heart still wants her.

 

Sincerely

Ian

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Same situation happened to me with my first girlfriend. She said the same exact things that she wanted to be single, Blah blah blah blah. Well, I'll tell you what, she had another boyfriend within a month that she hid from me very well, acting like she was single.

 

Either way, you are never ever getting her back. I know I was told this when I posted on this forum about my first girlfriend. We all want our first to work out. I was nearly engaged to my first... had the ring on hold and all. I also promised not to break up. I can't tell you to move on emotionally, as it didn't work for me. Just give it time. Try to meet someone else. You will soon realize what has happened here, and why she is NOT the one.

 

I went through another girl after this, with a horrible situation. Then after that I met a wonderful girl, although things didn't work out because of outside influences (we are waiting for each other).

 

Now, you need to think here. This has happened to me... trust me, I really believed I love that first girl. I can't say that I still don't think about what it would have been like. I spent more money on that girl than I ever should have.

 

You are the one that needs to let her go! She used you! You will soon understand as time goes by, as the understanding is inevitable. You MUST move on, don't do anything else like I tried to do, and that made me feel worse. She has problems. I was with my first for over 2 years! Don't waste your time with her.

 

Yeh, it's hard to find a girlfriend, I agree. Whoever said there are many fish in the sea has not even freaking fished. You just need to drop this girl that has used you. Find another girl, no matter how long it takes; you will thank me later.

 

Good Luck.

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Thank you Bill

 

I know what you are saying is right, but as you said it is very hard to accept the fact that we will never be together again. I don't know if she has someone else now, considering she is going off to JMU. I would not put it past her though to have slept with someone else. I just cannot understand how she fell out of love in a month??? We went to Cancun and it felt like a honey moon.

 

How do you get past wakeing up every morning and thinking about her? I wake up every morning in a sweat thinking about her. How do you get past the feeling of not being good enough? of being used? To be honest I would like to call her up and tell her to f'off, but there is still a part of me that wants her back.

 

I know things would never be the same again and I know I would never trust her again. Yet for some reason I cannot choose another girl.

 

What should I do if she contacts me? I know I will want to try and get her back, but I also know her love is jaded. Anyone who can just walk away has some serious issues.

 

Ah this sucks.

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My ex didn't even give me a month, she took 1 week and thought that it was over, but kept me hanging for a month while she decided what to do.

 

The only way to get past waking up every morning and thinking about that is to find another girl. Yes, it is very hard, and it may take some time, but it is the only way. Do not call her, don't even speak to her again. You will only be hurting yourself.

 

Give yourself some time, you can't be ready yet to choose another girl right away (even though that is the only way to get really over this). I'm being honest here. If she contacts you, whatever you do, don't let her use you.

 

I remember my last date with my first ex. I picked her up, and she would not even look at me!!! I asked what is wrong, she claimed that nothing was wrong.

 

It's so horrible how some people can be. Yes, this does suck, but it does happen. It will be very hard to accept the fact that you are no longer with her, that you have no one. This will all hurt like hell.

 

It is not a matter of not being good enough. She just doesn't respect what you've done for her. She used you because she wanted to, and you need to accept that and be happy that you are no longer being used. It also hurts because that was the first girl you were with, as you probably didn't want to be with anymore of them.

 

She changed your life for you. You may have learned a lot of things along the way. I'm not going to say the next relationship or the one after that or the one after that will work out, but you will become experienced in this as time goes on.

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Time, sadness, some tears, and plenty of other things to keep you busy is the cure. Why does it have to feel like someone takes a knife to your throat? I know the pain! My God!

 

Sure enough, read the first line my "cure" again and again until you wake tomorrow morning and the day after and the week after with it programmed in your mind. You will be fine.

 

I have been through it. I find that after a certain amount of time I don't hurt so much for the person I lost. I than become more consumed with the thought of someone holding me. Cuddling and holding my heartache away. Or the safety of being in someones arms, than I feel alone. From that point I realize that I have to go out and meet that person.

 

You will find love again. Try and take this transition easy as possible.

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Originally posted by badz2801

I just cannot understand how she fell out of love in a month???

 

Easy, she wasn't in love with you to begin with. She just made you think she was.

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I know it seems like I should just move on but it is harder then it seems.

 

I have been chasing her for two months now asking questions and trying to remind her of our good times. I have tried almost everything and I come out empty handed (you would think I would give up).

 

When I last talked to her on the 1st she told me me wants a fresh start at JMU and wants to be single. She says she had been loosing interest and wanted to be free. She said I smothered her (yeah ok) and she knew we could fix it be she did not want to. Ok I know she basically told me to piss off.

 

I know you all have told me to move on she did not really love me, but I really love her. I want to get her back but everthing I try does not work. She keeps telling me she has not dated anyone and has not slept with anyone. Almost as if she is expecting me to wait. She wont give my stuff back yet tells me not to wait for her.

 

I want to wirte her a letter to ask why she is choosing this route. Why can she no remember the good times. Try and remind her of them. Think of things to show her what she has. I know that if I do this I look like a fool. I know that once again I am the one bending over for her. But I feel like she is worth it. We have become to close just to let this dwindle. The only problem is I know that she is not the one putting effort into this. I know that even if I do sway her to come back, its not real. She has to want to come back. What should I do?

 

She is very special and seems to be afriad of letting people get close. When they do she gives them the boot. Please how can i show her that I am not gong anywhere that she can trust me.

 

SIncerely

Ian

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Maybe the good times scare her!

 

Ok here's what you do....give yourself a time limit. Like 6 months...whatever makes you feel comfortable. Commit to spending those months trying to "convince her" and if it doesn't work, agree to totally leave her alone. You'll get this out of your system....knowing you gave it all you had, and then you'll feel better. And you never know....girls are crazy, she might just come back when you stop pursuing her and let her miss you.

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Well I don't know if the good times scare her becasuse she is always out.

 

She has been going out drinking, smoking, possibly having sex..

It seems she is on this rampage to get as crazy as she can.

 

She does not call or talk to me and seems to totally forget about me..

 

I think we are done, I am not sure I could go back to someone who can just cut and run after 11 serious months.

 

Thanks for your help but I think she is a lost cause.

 

Ian

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Ian,

 

Your efforts will not work on this girl. She had to find a reason to break up with you, even if it was not a real reason. It just had to be a reason that she could argue about. She has most likely trained her mind to think that you are bad.

 

She will never ever come around. She's made her decision. Remember, if she loved at you all, she would never want to be without you. She has chosen to be without you. She's just that type of girl that doesn't respect anything. Like I said before, I was with one of them. We can't convince you to stop going after her! I didn't listen either, so why should I expect you to! In the end, I was hurt worse than the original breakup.

 

I too tried to remind my ex of all the things and memories that we shared. Didn't work at all...

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Hey

 

Yeah I know I shuold not try and win her back I am pretty sure she wont come back. For some reason she has trained her mind to think that I am bad. You are exactly right and she treats me like I am no one.

 

I wrote her the e-mail just to see what will happen. I sent it to her last night and so far no reply. I know this probably will not work but I have to try.

 

I know what you mean about it making things hurt more. After typing the letter I dreamed about her and her family all last night.

 

I know I need to give this girl up but I had to try one last time. I say one last time yet knowing me, I will try again.

 

The only problem now is I find myself slipping away. I feel less towards her and what she has done only makes it worse. I wish I could find a girl like her that is not crazy and will stand by my side at all times.

 

Thank you everyone who replied, I know you all don't know her side of the situation, but I am fairly sure I did very little wrong.

'

Ian

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I debated if I should post my letter but what the heck I have nothing to loose.

 

1. I don't smoke pot anymore and I only smoked pot. Rachel and I would often smoke together and her father smokes as well. Yes I know not the most stable part of our life but I was 19. Infact I was caught with it in NC along with Rachel and took the blame for her. Nothing came of it but she called me the day I got convicted and told me she lied to me to hurt me. I wonder if too much pot fried her brain.

 

2. We had sex a lot. Porbably more than we should have and it started to feel like friends with favors instead of love.

 

3. Yes I did smother her and try to keep her from going out with friends and getting totally **** faced. She is wild when she does that and who knows what would ahve happened.

 

4. I know I am apologizing numerous times in the letter. She has not apologized for anyone yet, but I figure I might need to take the lead.

 

I just wanted to clear some of that up as you all dont know my background.

 

Dear Rachel

 

My love, my friend, my heart and soul please open your heart so I may talk to you once again. I need to tell you some things that I could not tell you the other day when we talked. I need to tell you just how much you mean to me and just how much I love you. My intensions with this letter is not to make you feel guilty, yet instead it is to take a chance and show you my feelings.

 

Rachel, this summer has been unbearable. I have lost you and I know what I have lost. You are my first love and no matter what happens I will never stop loving you. I miss you more than ever and I feel like I will never see you again. I miss the magic that we shared and the magic that you made me feel. I miss how we use to laugh together and the bond that made us inseparable. The bond that kept us together for 11 months and kept us faithful to one another while we were apart. I miss my best friend, the friend that I could tell everything to. I miss the good times and the feeling of being loved unconditionally by another. Most importantly however, I miss you, your smile, the way you walk, your baby voice and most defiantly your stinky belly button. I miss your energy, your strength and your way of life. I would do anything to get that back, and I pray every night that I will.

 

Rachel I know I did things to you that were wrong while we were together. For that I am sorry, I am truly sorry for not trusting you, I just feared this would happen. I want to tell you so much but it is hard to put it into words. Please try and think back to our good times. Think of the night that we dropped you off at school. We spent the entire night in each others arms crying about just how much we would miss one another. Do you remember? Do you remember what you felt for me? Do you remember just how close we felt? I remember! I remember you crying all night and waking up next to you in the morning. I remember the feeling of new love, your love. Do you remember how we use to wrestle in your bed when I would come down to visit you, or the time we spent at the beach to get away from your school? Do you remember the night we spun each other around when went to dinner with Danny and Rachel? How good it felt to hold one another, laugh and joke with one another? Well I remember! I remember just how special you are. I remember the countless nights that we spent together and every morning that I woke up to you. The feeling of waking up to someone that I truly love and cherish. The five nights that we spent together in Cancun and the revival of old feelings that it brought. The baths that we would take together. I would do anything just to sit in the bath tub with you and hold you in my arms. Rachel I love you and no matter what you do I always will.

 

Rachel, I know you are scared. I know you fear that I am going to break your heart. I know that you are scared to settle down at 19 and you fear you will miss out on opportunities. I want to tell you that I will never break your heart. I will never leave you and I will never cheat on you. I will stand by your side at all times, friends, no friends, money, no money, I will be there. You are everything that I want and there is no one else out there for me. I have been on dates and no one else is good enough. I have not slept with anyone, in fact I wish I had not slept with you as much as I had. I wish that I had stopped using weed sooner, and realized what a gift making love is. What a special gift it was when you would make love to me. That it was not just to get off, that in fact you were giving your heart and soul to me. Rachel thank you so much for showing me my mistake. Thank you for the gift of love, I will not forget again. Rach I can't help but think that one of the reasons you choose to break up with me is that you will have a repeat of South Carolina at JMU. That you will miss out on making friends and enjoying your life at school. But Rachel you can do those things and still have me. You can have guy friends and still go out. For so long I thought you were a possession that only I could have. I do not know why I came to think that, I guess I just did not want anyone else to see how special you are. Rachel things have changed and I have changed. I know you miss a party life, a life that I have already lived and that you crave. But I am going to tell you that you will tire of partying. That the drugs, the alcohol and the sex are an illusion. That it gets old and the feelings you have are not real. I have been there I know and in the end you will miss what you have given up. For the most part I have given them up, and now I miss what I have lost. Rachel please consider giving us a second chance. Considering how long we stayed together and how close we became and yet we defied the odds in long distance relationships. Please listen to your feelings about me and give us a chance to talk this out. Please try and remember all that you gave up for me and all that I gave up for you. How we survived a year apart from one another and how strong we are after what we have gone through.

 

My love I know that I cannot make you come back no matter how much I want you. I wake up every morning and I think about you. I spend the nights on nana's dock looking up at the stars thinking about you (there are lots of shooting stars). Rachel, I know you told me not to wait but it seems I have no choice. I do not want to date anyone else, even if you don't come back. I have not met anyone else who has that connection that you have with me. Sure there are plenty of good looking girls out there, but there is no one that could laugh like we did in the movies. No one else can think the same things as I do. No one else can im me randomly exactly when I im them like you did. No one else can have my heart like you do! Even after the bad things that you have done to me through out this breakup, my heart still calls for you. Rachel we still have that connection you just have to let it roam free. I really don't know what else to say other than I love you. I will always love you, skinny, fat, ugly, bald or sick. I know this letter makes me look like a fool, so be it I am a fool in love. I am not asking you to marry me, I just want my best friend back.

 

Always and forever

Ian

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Originally posted by Bill

Remember, if she loved at you all, she would never want to be without you.

 

Well said

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She does not want you. This is what break ups are about. It takes two people to make a r/s. One will not work. You are in pain and looking, trying to find reasons and hurting yourself more.

 

You need go back and think of the key words. She said she doesn't want you. She said she was loosing interest. (I personally know when I'm not interested in someone anymore, I don't want them)

 

Your wasting your time trying to think and find ways to make something unworkable, workable. It is time to face the music.

 

Your trying to turn water into wine!

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Yes and I know it takes two to make it work..

 

I needed to write that letter to show myself that I did everything that I could to keep her. She says she lost interest. I know there is more to the story than that.

 

I do not think anything will come of the letter and so far nothing has. I miss her like hell but I guess it is time to be single. I am just going to have fun and wait for that one to come around. To tell you the truth, I thought I was going to marry her. I thought we would make it thru thick and thin.

 

Hopefully I will find the one that I want out there, for now it is nice to be free.

 

I often find myself scared to go out or even become interested in another girl because of this. Will this go away? I have several that have expressed an interest in me but I dont feel any kind of connection and I feel traped almost all the time. I guess only time will tell.

 

Ian

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Do what you feel would be best. If seeing other people is an option for you, go ahead. You are on the rebound which could cause others to be hurt.

 

Its best to chalk up your ex g/f as her lose and let her go. Shes not sitting around down in the dumps. She has found her life and is happy. I'm sure she would want you to feel the same way.

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Thank you all for responding and helping me.

 

I think I am going to stay single for a while and not date. I think I need to get my strength built back up from a solid base, not using someone else. I think in the long run I will be stronger that way.

 

I sent the e-mail so far no response. I do not expect her to until she needs something from me or is hurt by someone else to come back. My friends down at ODU are keeping me busy and they said they will remind me of what she did when she comes back around. (They wont let me fall for her).

 

Two of my close friends at school are trying to get with me. I do not want to be with anyone esp. them becasue it is our circle of friends. How do I tell them no without breaking that friendship bond. I have been talking to them less and staying away from them but it feels wrong since we are close friends.

 

Ian

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Refuse to date anyone in your circle of friends. Instead, see if you cant find someone else for them rather, to take the focus of you.

 

Good to see your doing better!

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Velvet thanks for the advice.

 

I told them and they seem to have backed off. I find that I tend to hang out with my guy friends more now and hang out less with the girls. When i was dating Rachel I was always with the girls. I explained to them I still liked them very much but I needed time to become confortable again around them.

 

I think the hardest part of a failed relationship esp. for the one who did not want it to end is the effort you put in. The time you spent, the memories, money, and effort. I constantly have flash backs to points in time in our relationship. Only when I have flash backs do I have emotional problems. I wish I could remain friends with her but I know it wont work out and I am not sure how much of a friend she could really be.

 

Thank you for your help and support.

 

Ian

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Let me start out this post by a few things I've read.... It might help, it helped me =)

 

Common mistakes recovering lovers make ("love pitfalls"), such as:

Calling your ex just to hear her voice, even if you don't say anything, so you can pretend there's still some connection between the two of you. (His suggestion: Tape a card that says, "DON'T CALL" on your phone.)

 

Rebound relationships (rarely a good idea).

 

Escaping through excess: Bingeing, drugs, alcohol, promiscuity.

 

Comparison shopping: Looking for a clone of your ex, or the complete opposite.

 

"Moth-to-flaming": Resuming the relationship only to suffer more each time you're rejected.

 

 

For a serious (probably at least six months) monogamous relationship to have ended, it can be compared to that of grieving over the death of a loved one, here are descriptions of the five stages associated with mourning.

 

These stages are denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

 

You can see these stages in responses to loss in relationships or other unwanted life changes. However, not everyone will experience these stages in that order or may happen to cycle back through them several times.

 

After a breakup having a support group that will listen and not try to "solve the problem," keeping a journal to express thoughts and emotions, exercising and paying special attention to healthy practices such as getting quality sleep.

 

The idea of exercising isn't new, but be creative in your methods. Try kickboxing, golfing or a new hobby.

 

Refrain from rebounding too. Rebounding only masks the grief from the previous relationship and delays closure.

 

Also, one should remember that men and women deal with emotions differently. While the girls may go watch a chick flick with all her closest gals, the guys may head to the bar for some brews.

 

Signs of depression include disturbances in sleep, eating habits, frequent fatigue, trouble concentrating and a lowering of self-esteem.

 

The worst scenario is when a person considers inflicting personal physical harm because he or she feels they have lost the only person that gave life meaning.

 

"Create some ritual to mark the end of the relationship,"

 

Some people resort to burning old love-letters or even just taking down photos of the past loved one.

 

A good indicator of when to date again is when one's ex no longer brings up strong feelings and the relationship as a whole is intermixed into one's life experience. There is no set amount of time for how long to grieve or get over a relationship fully.

 

"In a long-term relationship of a year or more, I would expect that it may take a year cycle to move through all the annual events like anniversaries and holidays."

 

 

Now, I'm sure I should've posted this a while ago, but I'm a procrastantor (sp?) Anyways, I'm glad that you have realized that for the most part, it sounds like this girl was using you. Let me give you a little experience of mine.... It'll hopefully show you that you are NOT the only one going through anything like this....

 

I went through almost the EXACT same experience as you are, about 16 months ago. Me & the S.O. were together for 3 years. We had some rough times like all relationships. He was moving away to go to school also, & felt that he needed to 'enjoy his freedom' aka be single for awhile. I felt the same way that you are expressing you feel in your posts, i would go from being totally determined to get him back, to feeling that I deserve better than 'chasing' someone that truly didn't want me. This cycle went on for about 4 months, with limited contact with him. He would email me once in awhile asking how I was & saying 'we should talk on the phone sometime' Of course with me being in that cycle, I took that as him wanting to remain 'friends' with me. Of course that's not what he meant. He was trying to be nice. I realize that now. I think the ONE thing that happened in my life that made me FINALLY realize that I do deserve better than that, was going for 3 weeks with no contact at all from him. If you've ever heard any of that "Rules to live by after getting dumped" then you know one of the main things they suggest is to STAY away from that person. That was the main thing I was doing wrong, that was stopping me from healing. For those first 2-3 months I CLUNG to the idea that maybe he would realize what he lost & just come back. I would wake up in the morning completly happy & then realize that he was not in my life. I would put off doing things I should have, to be around "JUST IN CASE" It was just not healthy. Anyways, hopefully what I've written will help you & maybe others in realizing some of the most important things to do, are not the easiest.....

 

Take care of yourself. Give yourself time to mourn. Move forward.

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Hey LaurenKik

 

Yes I know what you mean about the different stages. I have been going back and fourth constantly. Soame times I am even happy about being broken up because I felt more like her parents then a boyfriend. I dont have to worry about money and I can do what I want when I want now without walking on eggshells.

 

I still miss her and she was my best friend, I wonder why she choose this route but one thing is for sure she was not the one. Infact it feels like I was with someone I did not know at all. I never in my wildest dreams would have expected she was gong to do this. Not after all that we had been thru and fought against. Oh well I guess she was not strong enough to keep pushing forward.

 

Did your ex come back or try to come back after some time? I am wondering if I am going to get a call or something. I am not really sure what I would do if I got one, I hope I would say no.

 

I am not sure what i am going to do as far as dating. I dont see much point in it if this is how things go. It seems many of the girls at school are there to party and would not be serious about relationships. Some would say I am looking in the wrong place, but I like wild girls. I dont like girls who are borring and I am very picky. Did you try and date again in school? I cant imagine her with anyone else. I almost feel sorry for her next guy who she craps all over.

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Hey! Ok, I'm glad you found my post somewhat helpful! That's why I'm here. As for my ex, the last I heard from him was like 3 weeks ago & that was a brief 'I'm coming 'home' for vacation & hope to see you while I'm there' but like I said in my previous post was I have COMPLETLY gotten over him & our relationship, so even if I do run into him while he's home, I won't worry about my reaction, I'm going to be ok cuz I know now that I can & will live without him. Now, if he had 'come back' into my life any sooner than 2-3 months ago, only God knows if I would've been able to handle it.

As far as my dating situation, I am 'seeing' a man right now, 10 years my senior & so far everything is going pretty good. I am quite afraid that the same thing will happen (he'll leave me for no apparent reason) but I guess in order to find "true love" you gotta risk EVERYTHING..... & IF I am hurt in the long run, it's going to make me a stronger, smarter, better person =)

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Hey all well I finally got a reply from her. I don't think I should have sent that letter because I am all messed up again. What do I do? Its seems pretty obvious, but I cant let her go. Help..

 

Ian,

I dont really know how to respond to your email, and thats why it has taken me so long to do it. I am sorry your summer was as you put it unbearable. I just dont think that getting back together is the right thing for me or you right now. I do remember the good times we shared, but I also remember the bad times as well. At this point, it is no longer about fear. It is more about me enjoying life. And, I am enjoying my life. My single life. As for you believeing that I will have a repeat of SC, yes, that is probably one of the reasons we are not together. And you telling me I can have my guy friends and go out, I dont need anyone's permission. It isnt about me missing or having a party life. I dont need you to tell me that I will tire of it and that it will get old. I dont exactly know what you are referring to when you say the "bad things I have done to you through out this break up", but I do know that right now I am not looking to date, have a boyfriend or have any emotional attachment to ANYONE be it you or anyone else who would ask that from me. I spent the night in my new apartment in JMU and already I notice an amazing difference in being at school unattached and at a school other than SC and I am happy. I am not willing to give up my happiness or my college life and risk having another year of the last. I am sorry you are having trouble with this and I hope you are able to move on, because thats what I need for you to do.

Good Luck at Old Dominion and tell everyone Hello!

--Rachel

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I think that was a very nice letter from her. It doesn't leave you wondering or questioning her actions. You really do need to move on. I think I'm in her shoes in my life right now, and an ex boyfriend professing his love and trying to make me come back by remembering the "good times" does nothing but piss me off. I'm also like her in terms of hating a man telling me what he thinks is best for me. This is MY life and I will NEVER have ANY man (or anyone period outside my mom or dad) tell me what I'm doing isn't what THEY think I should be doing. One of the reasons I broke up with Michael is because he didn't want me to go play pool with an old guy friend of mine, because he didn't understand why I would "go play pool with another guy without him there." Well, I'll tell you why...BECAUSE I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING ON MY OWN!!

 

Just leave her and her "stinky belly button" alone. As much as it hurts to hear this...Its REALLY over. Take it all as experience and learn from it...

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