Lost my best friend

[stovepipe]

Recently one of my very best friends had her husband leave her. I was always there for her and we were great friends while she was married. I was never romantically interested in her while she was married. Once her husband finally left she began calling me to hang out. Which I did...she was a friend in need. One night she kissed me and things progressed from there. I know what you're all thinking....bad idea...I knew it was too. I was just the rebound guy. I told her up front before anything happened it was a bad idea and I didn't want to be that rebound guy. Of course she said it wasn't like that.

 

We were seeing each other for awhile and all of a sudden things started to change. I asked her about it, I asked her why she never asked me to hang out anymore. She said that after things had happened with us that she was leaving it up to me. That she wasn't one to chase someone else, and if i wanted it to come get it. I didn't know i had to chase something I thought I already had.

 

I go home that day thinking something more is going on, I find out she's been talking to two other guys. She says they're just friends, nothing is going on. Which is fine, but I also told her that I wanted to back off, that things didnt' seem right and i wanted to just take a step back. She got mad at that and told me she just wanted to stop everything. I was upset for about a week about this, trying to work things out, trying to make things right. This just angered her more and more.

 

I call her friend, who in the interim became my friend too, i asked her about what was going on, about what i could do. I told my ex that I had spoken to her friend and she completely lost it. Saying how she didn't want me talking to her friends, didn't want me talking about her. I explained I was only trying to help our situation, i didnt say anything bad or mean to her about her. This didn't matter. I also explained to her that she had talked to one of my friends about me before and it was the same thing. She told me that the person she talked to she didn't consider my friend and it wasn't the same thing. Total BS It got to the point where she said that she wanted to be my friend after all this, but she needed time to let things cool off. I wasn't pressuring her to get back together I agreed that it is what we should do.

 

The next day she calls me crying and leaves me a message. I call her back to see what is wrong. Her ex husband isn't bringing their daughter back and she is worried about her. I try to calm her down. I tell her that if there is anything I could do I was here for her. I sent her a text later that night telling her to stay strong and that everything would be ok. She replied with "Thanks babe" Now babe is what she started to call me when things were good...you know...the pet names. I found it odd that she would do that but kind of blew it off. She texted me the next morning and told me she wasn't strong enough to deal with everything. I told her she was and I was again here for her.

 

I see her at work that afternoon and obviously I'm not really comfortable, I didnt' say much to her. I kept the conversation to a minimum. I emailed her then and asked her if everything was ok and she thanked me for asking. She asks me how my parents have been doing because they've been I'll. I simply explain that I didn't want to talk about it with her right now, I needed to focus on something other then them and their illnesses. I was polite about it. I really didn't want to talk.

 

Later that night I get a text message, saying "Im sorry". She tells me that if I don;t want to talk to her for awhile she'll understand, if she wants she'll go to lunch with her sister if that will make me happy. I told her that I just wanted what we agreed upon the other night. To take some time to let things blow over.

 

She snapped. She said that maybe it was just better if we weren't friends anymore. Why are we torchering ourselves...we can't be friends. I said that she had just said she understood if i didnt' want to talk to her for awhile, she said she just wanted me to be happy. She replies with "yeah..."

 

I tell her I don't understand....I don't understand what is going on. Later that night she tells me shes brining in my laptop I let her borrow and is giving me the xmas gift cert I got her. I didn;t reply. I just stopped talking at that point.

 

Now today, at work. I email her and tell her I really value our friendship, that I am always here for her but my feelings have been hurt and I just need time to heal. That I love her and always will even if she hates me now for whatever reason. I have yet to get a reply.

 

PLEASE HELP.....what is going on...is she just crazy? What is she thinking?? I am at a total loss.

[Geishawhelk]

She is seriously screwed up, has major issues and cannot possibly be in a stable relationship at the moment.

Don't contact her, say the minimum possible to her, be there for her as emotional support, but expect nothing back. Whatever you get back will be damaged and warped anyway.

You both need time apart to move on, move forward and re-centre, because together, you're explosive and mutually damaging.

You want to help, but - it's not helping.

[Jada]

Sounds as if she's taken offense to what you have said and has gone on the defense, I can understand totally why you want to cool things down or put a space between you two. She's not really in a great position, her husbands just left and it involves seeing her child as well, emotionally she has issues to go through. Your friendship is obviously under duress and losing a best friend is hard, good friends are simply not found that easy.

[Surfer Dude]

She seems to be emotionally unstable. And rightly so, after all she experienced a divorce which is a tremendous shock to any normal human being. The problem is, instead of doing self work and taking steps towards healing, she immediately jumped into new relationships and rebounds, which did more harm than good, her feelings just got mixed up and became even a bigger mess than before.

 

She'll very likely come back to be your friend someday. Just back off for a while and give her some time. She really needs to sort this out with herself. You're not the cause of this, you tried to help, but it's up to her to do most of the work. Let her be for a while, she'll call you when she's ready.

[stovepipe]

its very hard not to try to talk to her. I miss my best friend so much, she was the one i turned to when things were hard...right now things are hard and I can't turn to her. I'm really at a loss...