Goatsbreath Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Well, this is busting me up and sometimes I think taking a hammer to my head might be easier. I was almost in a accident today and then I thought, hmm....I wonder if I went into coma and woke up a year later if I would be over the X or would It still be fresh. hmmmmm? So, my main problem is keeping NC. For some reason I keep having fantasy notions of being able to say the right thing. For instance, I was on day 2 of NC and then today I was reading through old email correspondence with her and I ended up sending her the log of me and her talking over email when we first connected and titled it...."do these people still exist" I was just so moved my it, how clever we both were, how witty, how flirtatious. I'm also struggling with accepting things. She told me at the start of our relationship that she is most afraid of losing me because she grows bored in relationships and is always seeking the honeymoon stage of love. This girl was my first back in high school and then we had to split because of college choices but we accepted it and moved on but kept in touch. On occasion we would see each other and it was always hot and I knew it made her sad because she wanted to keep me. Well, now she has me but after almost 3 years she decides she don't want me now. She has some new guy getting her interest and she admits shes confused and wanted to go back to being free and see me but other people as well. I have such a hard time accepting it because of our past together and because I know she suffers from a lot of different afflictions. Chronic depression which is much better sense her psychologist put her on parnate. Her psychologist also told her something about following patterns of destruction or something or other and she says stuff like, "maybe I dont know what Im doing and I am messing stuff up on purpose. I dont know what I want. I just need some time. I would say fine, take time but she is taking the time to see other people and that is not acceptable. Deep down I feel like she is making a huge mistake and she will realize it but then it will be to late because I will not be able to forgive her for being with another man. I mean seriously, this guy is married, has two kids and is separated from his wife right now. When she was telling me about him before when they were supposed friends and just talking about his relationship problems she told me they were trying to reconcile, he and his wife. So wtf now? You want to give us up so you can play the role of his little play thing while hes away from home. So then I contact her in hopes to make her realize we are something good but its always the same mess. Sigh, I need to come to grips with something, accept its over I guess. I just cant do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 9, 2009 Author Share Posted January 9, 2009 on the whole misguided thought process of lying to yourself. Telling yourself that your ex is really in love with you and will realize it but right now is experiencing something because of her depression or destructive thought process. I still can just not put my head around how she would sacrifice us, our history, for some married dude over 10 years her age that has two kids and is only separated from wife. Its bound to fail, right? Link to post Share on other sites
durotto Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Who are we to say what will fail or not ? I mean she could really like this guy and work things out .. as sad as that is it is a reality we have to accept.. People change all the time .. the person you fell in love with 3 years ago is perhaps no longer the same person now.. I think you should give her the space to find out and sort her thoughts out on her own .. let her decide what she wants .. if she really wants you ... she will come back .. if not then it just was not meant to be .. Link to post Share on other sites
Sysyphus28 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Who are we to say what will fail or not ? I mean she could really like this guy and work things out .. as sad as that is it is a reality we have to accept.. People change all the time .. the person you fell in love with 3 years ago is perhaps no longer the same person now.. I think you should give her the space to find out and sort her thoughts out on her own .. let her decide what she wants .. if she really wants you ... she will come back .. if not then it just was not meant to be ..[/quo If she does not come back to you full force then this is not the woman you are going to be with. It takes two people to make something awesome, not one really in love person and some confused person. Space and time are great redeemers of truth. Seriously. By you sending emails or calling or texting you are sacrifing vital pieces of your manhood and integrity. Woman do not want a man who can't wait a couple weeks without them. It becomes a wierd mother thign for them and you become some needy baby. I've been mr. needy a bunch of times. It sunk me into a hole 3x as big. I was so caught up in the trap of denial and "trying to get her back"........I felt like such a loser when I didn't. Before you get to the point of digging a bigger hole, you have to man-up, or woman-up, if your a woman and it is happening to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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