Update: Sounds better, but im worse than before.

[Ezekiel1337]

I dont know if im being ignorant so i can keep living in bliss. This statement will make sense later on...

 

To begin with, i hope some people remember my situation. If not, here is a recap...

 

My girlfriend got a new job. She got a new group of friends, she hasnt had real friends since i got with her, 3 1/2 years ago. When she was 15. Three weeks ago, i call my girlfriend after getting out of my last final. She is not where she says she is, i know when shes lying, she was pretending to be sleepy. Well when i ask to see her outside she freaks out and doesnt answer my calls for a while. When we finally get to talk face to face, im so mad i thought i was going to just wreck the car, but i calm down. We talk, and like i said i know when she's lying, and she didnt sound like she was lying when she says she didnt cheat on me. Well, she breaks up with me and says she needs to do this for her. No matter how much i pleaded, she wouldnt get back with me. Well, 24 hours after this, she calls and we decide to get back together because it hurts to much to be apart. For 1 week we cool it, but not a screaching halt. We date, have sex... she seems like shes on cloud nine. She tells me she loves me and means it. Well, i go to mexico for a quincenera. This is for a weekend. Friday night she is at a party, saturday night she claims to have gotten out of work at 12 and after that doesnt answer a text or phone call all night. Sunday morning when im driving back she finally answers and claims that she fell asleep trying to text me. Well, sunday when i get back, she doesnt even come by after work to tell me how it went. That night, she says shes at home, and knowing when shes lying, i drive by there and of coarse shes not there. When i call her out on it, she ignores my texts and calls. Later, when she finally answers she claims that she's at her friends house. Well, ive had it. The next day i break up with her.

 

I cant get over how selfish she is. When i almost broke up with her twice, she threatened to slit her wrists. I had to call back begging her to stop and that i would stay with her. For 3 1/2 years i have done nothing but support her, give her the shoulder she needs because of her messed up drug addict family and emotionally abusive and neglectful father. Ive pushed her to get her GED, and got her into college.

 

I will admit, she was likley unhappy the last month or so (which was about the time she got the job.) She is a very impressionable girl, tell her something and she'll jump on the band wagon. Not just that, but she is they kind of person, that when something is wrong (from experience with her family problems) she tells EVERYONE!! EVERYONE!! What all this means is that i have a theory. Two theories to be exact. The first theory is the one i HOPE it is. She got this job, was unhappy and and decided to tell everyone the bad things about me. Which is not much. But what i do know she has a problem with (now that weve talked some) is that she was bored. I didnt like to go out much, and still dont, but i tried for her. On top of that, i stopped paying for everything. I just dont have the money to anymore. For 3 years, i payed for everything, ranging from movie tickets, all the way to paying for her side of the rent and telling her she only needed to pay what she could spare, which was ussually like 50-100 bucks, leaving me with 400, and my roommate would pay 200. Get it, 200 between 3 people = 600. This all doesnt include the utilities. Anyways, now that im back in school finishing my pre med degree, i just cant do it anymore. Even though i dont have much money anymore, i still tried to pay for her, i didnt even get to buy my stereo for my car that got stolen when we had an appartment, instead, i payed for a few movies and her christmas presents. Other things she didnt like, was that my parents were kind of old fashioned. Anyways, so back to the theory, she tells these new friends of hers (including guys) this about me and they say... dude... dont stay with this guy. Its 3 1/2 years to many, he doesnt even make you happy. He doesnt do anything for you, and you need to leave him. These people dont know about all the crap ive done for her. Gave her rides to work all the time. She had a car for a while, but when she wrecked it... i was there. When her dad would take the family car away for any little thing (including talking crap to his drug addict literall whore of a wife) i was there. When her step mom would emotionally abuse her, i was there. When she thought she was worthless because of her family, i was there. I could go on and on. The bottom line is, i thought we were mature now. I didnt think that love had to be expressed with the things i buy, or the amount of times we have sex... anymore. I was expressing my love by being faithful, i would never even put myself in a situation where i would be tempted to cheat. I expressed my love by supporting her, both emotionally and when it came to her future. I expressed my love to her by loving her no matter what she did. I never wanted her to feel pain, so i didnt break up with her. It feels like i'm a pair of training wheels that have just been taken off. Now that she is more independent (partly due to my efforts), she doesnt need me anymore. My therapist was worried this girl would kill herself because of how attatched she was to me, and how dependent she was. This is what a lot of people thought, and it is probably true. I mean... she threated to kill herself when i said i was going to break up with her 11 months ago.

 

Let me get to the second theory. But let me say this newest update. On new years day... i txt her and ask her how her new years went. She says fine, but now shes at work. She invites me to go drop off a letter i wrote her. Well i agree... i guess she wasnt expecting it, because she then said she was getting a taco. Well it was 2 in the afternoon on new years day... there is not a damn taco place i know that is open. I know when this girl lies man... so i ask her to tell me which one is open so i can get one to. Well, she says she cant find one and will text me when she does. a few minutes later i tell her im ready, she says to wait because shes getting food. (See now shes trying to be general so i dont pin her with logic) 45 minutes later, i ask again, and she says that she cant see me because it will hurt to much. I doubt it hurts that much, because every night after work she goes to parties and sh*t. Not that i have a problem with that... if we were together i wouldnt have a problem with that.... but she is on a lying spree, and were not even together. Anyways... there have been a few times that i find out she didnt go home. I know there is a group of people she hangs out with but... here is where my second theory comes in. This is the one i hope it's not. The second theory is similar to the first. Except instead of being girls that are egging her on to leave me, its a guy... like it was the first time. During the week we were trying to fix things she tells me that the guy hates her now and wont talk to her because she chose to stay with me. Well, that being said... my theory goes on to believe that she is actually hanging out with friends, but also seeing a guy and spending the night at his house. I just dont know many girls that spend the night with eachother at age 19 this many times in a week.

 

NOrmally, this would be obvious to me because im very analytical. But here comes the part that SHOULD have made me happy, but due to the previous rant... i am not.

 

We met at starbucks to talk. We had a very calm discussion, i let her know some of the stuff that was on my mind... like how i feel like a pair of trianing wheels and how she threated me before, and i have done no such thing to her. Afterwards, she and i decided to stay one month apart. In one month, during which time we will have minimal communication, we will try this relationship out again. People used to tell me how her and I needed time, and she has told me time and time again that ALL THIS is exactly that. And i completly understand that. She needs to have friends, and so do i. We havnt spent time with anyone but eachother. She says that she needs time to get her **** together. She agreed to the month whole heartedly. But, there is to be no relationships during that time. This is about discovering who each of us is alone, without the other. And to find out if we really love eachther, or just need eachother. I can tell you right now i straight love this girl... even though it has been a one sided relationship for the entire time. I give 75% shes about 25%. This is not just my opinion, this is several peoples opinion, including people that are more her friend than mine. Despite all this, and despite how much pain she is causing me... i love her. I love her so much. And as mad as she makes me, i find myself praying to God to take care of her... and protect her. To make sure shes ok. Not for me... but for her. SO she can be the succesful person i know she can be.

 

Anyways, she says we can try this again in one month, hopefully with a new perspective. But the reason i dont feel happy about this... is because i dont know what is really going on. During the talk, i asked her if she is in a relationship, or if shes slept with anyone. She says she hasnt, and swears on her dead mother she hasnt. She says she would feel to guilty, or that she would just compare him to me. She has also said that it wouldnt be fair to him, because she still loves me. She still tells me she loves me. And that is what makes all this BS. I dont know if i believe her because im blinded by my love, or because i dont want to know the truth subconsciously. I dont know if she wants to try again in a month because she pitties me or because she actually does just need time apart from me. Its obvious we need this time, but is that what all this is really about?

 

I had to drive 2 1/2 hours to San Antonio to get my dog to a clinic for surgery, and 2 1/2 hours back. It seems like every day, no matter what happens, i am falling deeper, and deeper into depression. Its getting bad enough that im drinking every night now to down the pain.

 

The worst part about all this is that my first girlfriend, who is a good friend of mine, is now talking to me. She went to the movies with me, and she wants to go to San Antonio with me to pick up my dog on wednesday. Ive been critisizing people having sex randomly now for a few days... but im trying my hardest not to think of her that way. I dont want her to be a rebound, but i get the feeling that i am hers.... she just broke up with her abusive boyfriend. Why would she decide to talk to me all of a sudden?

 

The reason that the second theory seems so plausible to me is because my ex has a larger sexual appetite than i do. If i feel this way (the wanting to have sex and all), despite a break up, then clearly she can feel the same way as well.

 

Im suffering a lot. I dont know what to think, there is evidence pushing in all directions... sometimes its not even evidence. What is going on? What should i do? The pain is getting worse, is what we decided to do right? I swore i wouldnt have sex or get in a relationship before the one month... but how do i know if she isnt or wont? Im dying.... i want to die.

[EmperorR]

No you don't want to die, you want to live a happy joyous life.

 

I've been in your shoes, the going to dump my gf and she cuts her wrist adn I get scared and take her back, and then she cheats and leaves me. You treat them good treat them nice and then you get tossed away like a coffee cup.

 

Relationships should be 50/50 man, I learnt the hard way, why are you doing all of this sacrificing left and right and she's not. Yes yes yes you love her more than everything, but she's a grown woman and deep down maybe you know it that she is not good for you. She's already lying to you and drifting farther away.

 

Are you sure you mutually agreed on this one month "break", or were you pressured into it either this or nothing?

[Ezekiel1337]

No you don't want to die, you want to live a happy joyous life.

 

I've been in your shoes, the going to dump my gf and she cuts her wrist adn I get scared and take her back, and then she cheats and leaves me. You treat them good treat them nice and then you get tossed away like a coffee cup.

 

Relationships should be 50/50 man, I learnt the hard way, why are you doing all of this sacrificing left and right and she's not. Yes yes yes you love her more than everything, but she's a grown woman and deep down maybe you know it that she is not good for you. She's already lying to you and drifting farther away.

 

Are you sure you mutually agreed on this one month "break", or were you pressured into it either this or nothing?

 

I dont want to be in limbo... wondering if shes going to come back or not. So we decided on this. I am hoping that this month will give her some room to grow. She has changed a lot for the better in the last year, for the better. I'm hoping that this month will be something she needs.

 

I also dont know what to do with my ex/friend whom ive been going out with. (Not dating, but shes invited me places and now wants to go to San Antonio with me to pick up my dog.)

[EmperorR]

I dont want to be in limbo... wondering if shes going to come back or not. So we decided on this. I am hoping that this month will give her some room to grow. She has changed a lot for the better in the last year, for the better. I'm hoping that this month will be something she needs.

 

I also dont know what to do with my ex/friend whom ive been going out with. (Not dating, but shes invited me places and now wants to go to San Antonio with me to pick up my dog.)

 

Ah I see, how much longer in the month do you have? I noticed you said limited contact, but then in another thread I think you said the longest NC you have gone is 24 hours? How about getting serious about NC, she won't know what she's missing if your constant breaking NC to come back.

 

Hmm well, that's also a difficult situation, I'm sure if your girl was going out with her ex/friend inviting her places it would bother you right?

[Riffmeister General]

Im dying.... i want to die.

 

I agree with EmperorR. You don't want to die. It's not that suicide 'victims' WANT to die, they just don't want to hurt anymore.

 

I've had a rough day man. So have a few people in here so it seems. The important thing is tomorrow is a new day, and you've survived this one. Every day you survive it you get stronger. It may not feel like it every day, but the hardest days are the most beneficial in the long term. When I go for a workout and I REALLY can't be bothered or feel like I can't do it, THOSE are the sessions that if I push myself through it do me the most good, because the next time I think "I can't do this", I remember another time I didn't think I could do it, but did.

 

I'm sorry, I didn't read your whole post, but I know the story. Look forward to the days when it doesn't bother you anymore. Look forward to the time you can look at her in the eyes and say, honestly, you don't want her. I saw some pics of a girl that broke my heart years ago, and I felt NOTHING for her. That gave me hope I can do it again. You don't have that yet, but this is the situation that will give you strength in the future.

 

Blind faith is what you need - just believe us!

[Ezekiel1337]

I agree with EmperorR. You don't want to die. It's not that suicide 'victims' WANT to die, they just don't want to hurt anymore.

 

I've had a rough day man. So have a few people in here so it seems. The important thing is tomorrow is a new day, and you've survived this one. Every day you survive it you get stronger. It may not feel like it every day, but the hardest days are the most beneficial in the long term. When I go for a workout and I REALLY can't be bothered or feel like I can't do it, THOSE are the sessions that if I push myself through it do me the most good, because the next time I think "I can't do this", I remember another time I didn't think I could do it, but did.

 

I'm sorry, I didn't read your whole post, but I know the story. Look forward to the days when it doesn't bother you anymore. Look forward to the time you can look at her in the eyes and say, honestly, you don't want her. I saw some pics of a girl that broke my heart years ago, and I felt NOTHING for her. That gave me hope I can do it again. You don't have that yet, but this is the situation that will give you strength in the future.

 

Blind faith is what you need - just believe us!

 

Read the last 5, that way you know what happened recently. If you cant, dont worry about it.

[emotionalydistraugt]

I feel like where emperor and riffmeister go I go. But they're right. you can get through this. You can do anything. Don't let your happiness depend on whether or not you are with this girl.

When I was reading your story I felt like I was the one that typed it. Everything you said was my relationship. 3 year relationship. She didnt have friends, or at least good ones, when I met her. She depended on me. SHe got a job and she started paying for everything because I had school and I couldnt do it anymore. The only difference in our stories is that I found out she did cheat on me. And from the way she wasnt answering your calls, it sounded a lot like what my ex did to me. She swore after I found out she wouldn't do it ever again but I can't believe her.

In all honesty, you should take time to think about your life without her and maybe without any woman all together. What does Ezekial have to offer? WHat does Ezekial want to do with his life that he wasn't able to do when he was with this girl?

This month is not just for her but for you too. You can't spend all the time putting in the effort to make things work either. Like emperor said relationships are 50/50. Think things out buddy whether you want to push through and try to make this workout always having doubt of what she was doing and whether or not she was lying when you werent together or do you want to start fresh. Start with a new person who won't treat you like that.

 

Stay Strong man. You dont want to die, you're just going through a tough spot that God has put you in that he knows you can work out of. He doesn't give us more than what we can handle.

[Ezekiel1337]

I feel like where emperor and riffmeister go I go. But they're right. you can get through this. You can do anything. Don't let your happiness depend on whether or not you are with this girl.

When I was reading your story I felt like I was the one that typed it. Everything you said was my relationship. 3 year relationship. She didnt have friends, or at least good ones, when I met her. She depended on me. SHe got a job and she started paying for everything because I had school and I couldnt do it anymore. The only difference in our stories is that I found out she did cheat on me. And from the way she wasnt answering your calls, it sounded a lot like what my ex did to me. She swore after I found out she wouldn't do it ever again but I can't believe her.

In all honesty, you should take time to think about your life without her and maybe without any woman all together. What does Ezekial have to offer? WHat does Ezekial want to do with his life that he wasn't able to do when he was with this girl?

This month is not just for her but for you too. You can't spend all the time putting in the effort to make things work either. Like emperor said relationships are 50/50. Think things out buddy whether you want to push through and try to make this workout always having doubt of what she was doing and whether or not she was lying when you werent together or do you want to start fresh. Start with a new person who won't treat you like that.

 

Stay Strong man. You dont want to die, you're just going through a tough spot that God has put you in that he knows you can work out of. He doesn't give us more than what we can handle.

 

Thank you for this reply... its like some posts start cracking away at the hard ice i have packed around my heart... mabey it will start beating soon.

 

Yea... that's what this month is about. Im getting in contact with some old friends... that girl that happens to be my first girlfriend, but more of my real friend first is also who im talking to. She seems to genuinely care. She listens and gives me support. I dont want a relationship, i dont think she does either... she definatly might want sex though... i dont think im able to. But anyways... im hitting the gym again, and im gunu start doing things with my friends again. Im not going to sit here with my thumb up my ass waiting for her to have fun while i mope around. But i still hope... that mabey she can grow, and if we get back together... things wont go back to the way they were before. Ill have my friends, she has hers, and everyone once in a while we will hang out with eachothers friends. And we wont suffocate each other with being there every minute of every day. But if it doesnt work... at least ill be beefy and ripped for spring break.

[emotionalydistraugt]

there ya go start thinking about the future. Think about it without her in it and see how good it can be.

Keep it up

[Riffmeister General]

Read the last 5, that way you know what happened recently. If you cant, dont worry about it.

 

Ok, I'm up to speed.

 

Dude, the worst thing you can do in this month (which I think might be a good idea for you two) is mope around waiting for her to have fun. It's not a competition, because it's supposed to be a month apart, which means minimal or no contact, so don't even try to find out what she's up to, but don't feel guilty for going out and having fun.

 

I would warn you 100% against sleeping with this old girlfriend of yours. It'd be pretty hypocritical if you were obsessing about your ex doing that, then you go and do it anyway. It's great to have someone who really wants to listen and knows you well - my ex-ex has been awesome cos she knows me better than anyone, so she can really relate to my way of thinking - but make sure boundaries are pretty clear. This is YOUR month to go out and find out something about you. USE IT!

[Ezekiel1337]

Ok, I'm up to speed.

 

Dude, the worst thing you can do in this month (which I think might be a good idea for you two) is mope around waiting for her to have fun. It's not a competition, because it's supposed to be a month apart, which means minimal or no contact, so don't even try to find out what she's up to, but don't feel guilty for going out and having fun.

 

I would warn you 100% against sleeping with this old girlfriend of yours. It'd be pretty hypocritical if you were obsessing about your ex doing that, then you go and do it anyway. It's great to have someone who really wants to listen and knows you well - my ex-ex has been awesome cos she knows me better than anyone, so she can really relate to my way of thinking - but make sure boundaries are pretty clear. This is YOUR month to go out and find out something about you. USE IT!

 

Thank you bro... thats what im doing. I know she doesnt want a relationship, and neither do I. But it does seem that she has been wishing she could have a guy who treats her like i treated my X. Anyways, im going to the gym and hitting up the bar with some old friends. This girl is going with me on a trip to San Antonio tommorow, so we will get to talk. She is really cool, i just dont now what she's up to.