hadenough Posted June 23, 2002 Share Posted June 23, 2002 I have been seeing this guy for the past 8 months. Most of the time he has been living with me. He and I started seeing each other just before his divorce was final. He has a 4 year old son that stays with us every other weekend. My problem is this-- he has nothing--- no money saved, no car, nothing. He rented a house right before we met, and he got evicted because he couldn't pay the rent. He also bought a truck (at 26% interest I might add) and it got reposessed. We live in my house, he uses my car, etc.... I don't think I ask too much of him, being as I am accomodating him for not having a car, for his son staying with us etc. But this guy just doesn't ever finish anything he starts (or not without a long time and a great deal of nagging). He has champagne taste and doesn't really even have a beer budget. He has no concept of financial responsibility. I have made it clear to him that I have no intentions of marrying him until he can prove some fiscal responsiblity, but I just don't see it happening. He talked about going back to school, but made excuses as with a lot of things. I try to be patient with him, but he has ruined a fair number of things in my house already. I work (and have worked) very hard for the things I have. I'm 29, and have had my own home for 7 years. My current home I bought new 3 years ago, and want to keep it nice because I want it to last, however he seems bent on ruining it. He asked me to marry him, but I have no intentions of doing so with things like they are. I am at the point where I really want to just break it off with him, but I know that it will be a long pain in the butt affair. Is it wrong to want someone to take care of me rather than me take care of them? Help, I am at my wits end. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted June 23, 2002 Share Posted June 23, 2002 What is this man bringing to your relationship? Anything? Based on what you've written, I think you should get rid of him. Why will it be a long pain in the butt affair to break up? Tell him to pack up his stuff and go. It's not your problem if he has nowhere else to go. He is an adult and should be able to take care of himself. It's not too much to ask to expect someone to be able to support themself and behave responsibly. Chalk this up as a learning experience. It's generally a bad idea to move in with someone so quickly, especially when you are the one footing the bill. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 23, 2002 Share Posted June 23, 2002 Yes, breaking up with him may be a long, pain in the butt affair but that's what you need to do. From your post, I see nothing at all positive coming to you from your relationship with him. I just wonder what attracted you to him in the first place and why you have let it go on so long. Start the parting process now. The longest journey begins with the first step. Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted June 23, 2002 Share Posted June 23, 2002 Have you told your feelings about it? If he knows just how critical it is for him to pull it together for his and r/s sake do you think he would at least try. It all comes from motivation. It seems as if he has little to none. You choose him in the beginning the way he was and loved him. Now four years later it seems that maybe love is just not enough anymore. With his financial situation your falling out of love. You need to tell him that. Its either up to him to make some major improvements or you have to end the r/s. You don't want to accept whats going on for another year or ten years. That would be miserable for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hadenough Posted June 23, 2002 Author Share Posted June 23, 2002 I let it go on, because he--- was good to me in other ways, he does do some things to help me out, and it was a lot better in the beginning. Since I posted, he has come home from fishing -- he took his work truck fishing (against company regulation) and got pulled over by a supervisor. Now he is on immediate suspension and may get fired. I have told my parents previously on more than one occasion that if he loses his job that he's out. He was drunk and wrote me a note this morning telling me that he KNEW that it was not right to take his truck out. He is on the verge of a complete breakdown. He says he wants to die. I am fearful he will do something to himself. His supervisors asked me if he was okay, and I told him "No, he's not." What amazes me is that now, he is talking about getting his act together. He says he has now realized that he's hurting other people other than just himself. He's afraid I will break up with him and I think that will make him do something else crazy and stupid. I have told him that he has got to go get help. One way or another. That our relationship is very rocky and that he needs to get his life straight if for no other reason than for his son. At first, I know he legitimately didn't have any money-- he's getting bled dry by child support etc. And he makes the same amount of money I do, but when he shells out in child support what I have for a car payment each month... well, I know it's hard. I know that I am not responsible for him or for how his life is going, but I doubt I could live with it if I turned him away now and something happened. Do I just kick him to the curb in the mist of all this? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 23, 2002 Share Posted June 23, 2002 YOU ASK: "Do I just kick him to the curb in the mist of all this?" Yes...."That which is falling, help it to fall faster."--Frederick Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra That which does not kill him will make him stronger. You need to look out for yourself. If you don't do that, who else will??? Link to post Share on other sites
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