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End of Relationship? HELP

Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 20th June 2002, 11:18 AM   #1
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Unhappy End of Relationship? HELP

I have not been on this site for some time. So, I have to get used to the new format.

My so and I have been together a little over a year.

I've basically made things difficult by living in the past (couldn't shake old so who was abusive). This made me needy and suspicious of every little thing.

Current so screams and yells at me that I'm a baby;I'm impossible;he wishes I would kill myself and do everyone in my life a favor;he knows why my ex hit me and I deserved it...etc

I was calm the entire time and trying to stop him from breaking up with me (let's face it, a year of babysitting me would cause any guy to lose his mind). He kept saying "it's over" and trying to force me to accept it. He wouldn't let me touch him or anything.

Finally, he said he would give me a month to prove I had changed. He let me kiss him as well.

I left at that point, but I don't know if he just said he would try because I had worn him down and he wanted me to leave.

Can I believe that this relationship can be saved?
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Old 20th June 2002, 12:50 PM   #2
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YOU WRITE: "Current so screams and yells at me that I'm a baby;I'm impossible;he wishes I would kill myself and do everyone in my life a favor;he knows why my ex hit me and I deserved it...etc

You current boyfriend wishes you would kill yourself and do everyone else in your life a favor...and you haven't started packing.

I'm afraid your problem goes beyond the scope of anything anyone on this board can offer you.

Come back when you gain enough self esteem and self respect to get away from a scum bag like this.

You call this a relationship??? Whatever it is, why would you want to save it??? This man wants you to kill yourself...and you want a relationship with him???

Please tell me this post is a joke!!!
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Old 20th June 2002, 1:13 PM   #3
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Unhappy No Joke

No, my post is not a joke. Understand that I just ended therapy w/my pyschiatrist after 2 years. I needed to get over the ex (stopped seeing him about 3/4 years ago).

I was constantly needy. I think my so is afraid of me, but last night, he was the one out of contraol.

He's a good guy, I just acted like an a**for so long, that he's tired of waiting for me to grow up.

I'm sorry my post offended you or shouldn't have been posted. I really do appreciate your answer and will try not to bug you guys.

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Old 20th June 2002, 2:36 PM   #4
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Your self esteem is ZERO

Your post above is that of a person whose self esteem is ZERO. Talk to your therapist about this and try to work on it. People with low self esteem usually got there as a result of parents and others putting them down when they were very young. There may have been abuse in your childhood as well...maybe you don't even see it as such. People with abusive pasts often see mistreatment as an expression of love, since that's mostly all they know.

Again, anyone with even a below average self esteem would not want to be around a guy who would want her to kill herself. I mean this is really sick.

It actually sounds made up...but it's very frightening to me that it's actually real.

99.9999999999999 percent of people in the world would be out of this guy's life so instantly. He is not worth the time you use to think about him. You say he's a good guy but I don't think so.

Whatever the problem was, you need to start anew with a decent guy once you think a lot more of yourself and feel you deserve the very best.

Your problem will not be solved until you start thinking a lot more of yourself. There are some great books on the subject, many by author Nathaniel Branden. Once you have a better sense of self worth, you won't put up with this kind of treatment and your life will change in ways you could never have imagined.

You sound like a very sweet person and I'm glad you're working on your issues. I want your life to get better and it will if you keep plugging at it. Best of luck to you...and never apologize for seeking help...and never get offended if it's tough and to the point.
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Old 20th June 2002, 5:48 PM   #5
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why flog a dead horse?

that's basically what you're asking for permission to do, and frankly, it's a waste of your time, no matter how much you "think" you might need this guy. Anyone who tells you that you're better off dead is better off being out of your life. That's a complete lack of respect for you, esp. if he's supposed to be your significant other, a title which implies that he cares about you. The guy sounds like a complete anal pore, and you deserve better than what he's offered you. And don't expect him to change -- if he's gotten this far acting this badly, his opinion of you isn't going to change now matter how hard you try. Chances are, he'll only despise you more.

take time to heal yourself -- you don't need someone to make you whole when you aren't even sure about what's really missing. You'll find someone who's gonna like you for YOU, who is willing to share your journey, whether it be the whole way or for part of the way.
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Old 20th June 2002, 6:31 PM   #6
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He looking for changes

So you still have trouble dealing with your last r/s that shouldn't turn your r/s now upside down. When he came into your life he knew about your last r/s right? So he knew what he was getting himself into.

The reason hes fighting with you and saying hurtful things is because he cannot handle it anymore. When he met you he told himself that he could help you get over your ex and later realized he couldn't. Hes growing tired of it. Yes that could be enough for him to walk. I don't think he would rather walk away from the r/s but see you get better.

Its to a point now that hes saying very negative things and those words alone is enough to leave him. Although this is your choice and the only way you should stay is if you can meet with him eye to eye on his views and try and work through them. Mind you changes don't occur over night but he is feeling worn down.
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Old 20th June 2002, 6:33 PM   #7
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My Side?

First, thanks to you both. I do hear you.

I don't think I was initally clear about how awful I was. I take throid medication and an anti-depressant. I've just begun the thyroid meds, b/c docs think it is part of my depression problem. Things have greatly improved. Usually, around a certain time, I would get REALLY depressed. Was diagnosed with PMMD, hence the thyroid check, etc.

I am not pyschotic or anything, but I never trusted this guy. I made him pay for signs my ex(s) had committed. Now, I wasn't a complete evil person;but this guy is really quiet and shy. He has a routine and he sticks to same time every day, same breakfast/lunch every day, same routine every week-end. I think I threw off his routine, and the stupid fights we would have because of my insecurity didn't help.

I know that what he said was awful;unacceptable really. I do, however, think he is terrified I have some type of "mental" problem and that my wanting to make this work is me "stalking" him.

I don't know how I let things go so wrong.
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Old 20th June 2002, 6:41 PM   #8
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Velvet, I think Tony and the

other person who was kind enough to post are actually correct.

I like what you said as well, but it is too much in keeping with what I want: a reason to hope.

I think he is worn out and wants me to get better, but I don't think he wants to stay with me and if he does, as Tony and the other person said, why can't he survive EVERYTHING. When you are with another person and care, don't you try? Is he tired of trying? Have I so worn him out that I'm not worth it.

I do need to get me head together, right now, I'm trying to study for my bar exam but the thought of not being able to fix this is killing me.

I can handle my old relationship ending: I wasn't to blame.

Here, had I just acted "normal" everything would have been fine.

Thanks to you all.
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