Jump to content

Should I break up with him even though I love him?


Recommended Posts

He's my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first love, my first everything. We've had ups and downs, but mostly ups. We've broken up twice before. Once when I logged onto his facebook and saw he was flirting heavily with a mutual friend of ours through chat. I was enraged, called him to confront him, and accidentally on purpose linked him to a conversation with my best friend who told me to dump him. We got back together the next day, and he promised he would tone down the flirting.

 

A couple of weeks later a random girl added him on facebook and they exchanged numbers. They started to talk, and he also started spending time with a single friend of his who was a major partier. He started distancing himself from me, not calling and not picking up my calls, and lying about where he was. He would spend all his free time with this friend of his, and he eventually told me we were never going to go anywhere and said we shouldn't be together. Then he hung up on me.

 

I felt like I couldn't breathe after all this. I wanted answers. I called the next day and he told me his dad found out about us and forced him to break up with me. This was plausible, because though we're the same religion we are two different sects, sects who have always had a problem with each other. Also, I'm 21 and he's 19; we have a 1.5 year age difference. My mom knows about us and she hates that I'm with him. But still, I knew this was a lie. I can always tell when he's lying. He told me let's meet in person to discuss this, and then swiftly changed his mind and told me we shouldn't. Then he said he'd call me back. He didn't call in the next couple of days.

 

I couldn't take it anymore. I wrote him a heart-wrenching email about how negatively this was affecting me and how I couldn't believe he broke up with me when he told me he loved me like a week back. He called me after he read the email and told me he still wanted to be friends. We had a great conversation. We started talking again, several times a day. During this "friends" phase, I went out with another guy without telling him. This guy kissed me, and I felt awful. All I could think about was my ex. I called my ex and told him that I was still in love with him, and he told me the same. We got back together.

 

A month later we're happy and are getting along great. He tells me he's fully committed and that he loves me and that he always wants to be with me. He talks to girls but is not overtly flirty (to my knowledge). But I feel selfish. These feelings are great, but I know there's no future. We both come from a very cultural and traditional background, and parents approval for marriage is everything. I know if I decide to ever marry him it would crush my family, and the same would go for his family as well. He also comes from a lower-class family, and though this does not matter to me, I know it matters to my parents. Plus he doesn't speak English that great because he wasn't born and raised here. He also doesn't write that well (at all). These concerns would all matter to my family (and sometimes they matter to me too).

 

But he's a sweetheart. He's done boneheaded things, but he's also completely caring most of the time. He's always there for me when I need him. He's my best friend. My source of comfort. He's so kind-hearted, and he'll do anything for his friends. I can talk to him for hours without getting bored. But I feel like if there's no future, should we even be together? We're limiting our options in meeting more suitable partners. But I have tried to go out with someone more "suitable" and all I could think about was him. And I know how awful it feels like not to be with him. My heart wants to be with him, but my brain is saying to let go. Should I break up with him?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sarimus - I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through all of this.

 

First, it is pretty clear that you guys have some significant trust issues, and it sounds like he has consistently given you reasons not to trust you. Both of you are young, so I think it is normal to go back and forth over what you want. Sometimes you convince yourself that this is the person you want to be with forever, and sometimes you want to see what else is out there, or find yourself attracted to other people and feel that you might be missing out on a better opportunity.

 

Regarding differences in religion, culture, and the approval of parents, you have to look inside yourself for those answers. Take some time to write down your values - not your parents values, not your friends values, but YOUR VALUES. What things are most important to you? What things are you not willing to comprimise on or sacrifice? Ultimately, you have to live with the decisions you make, not your parents. If religion, culture, or parental approval are make-or-break issues for you, then perhaps this is not the relationship for you.

 

The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is ask yourself this question: Does he make me happy right now? Are you in love with him as he is, or are you in love with the idea of him (the "him" that you keep hoping he'll become). People often stay in relationships holding out for the hope that the person they are with will become the idea they are in love with. Are you happy with him exactly how he is?

Link to post
Share on other sites

You need to be honest to each other . You need to decide what you want and what your goal in life is .

 

All these background and origin issues are just a "Granny`s tales" if there is a real mutual love and understanding between you .

 

You will not live with your parents,relatives or friends.You will live with each other . Strong mutual love and committment will win all .

You just need to be mature enough and ready indeed .

 

 

:bunny:

 

God bless!

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...