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He has too much baggage for me


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Old 24th April 2002, 9:41 PM   #1
heartsalone
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He has too much baggage for me

I met someone around 8 months ago, everything was terrific until I started to find out about his debts. He owns his own truck and makes a pretty good living but his debts are much more then he makes. His mother he owes 17 thousand, the credit union for his business 25 thousand, a boat which he missed the last 5 payments (he owes 8 thousand on that) not too mention his other 2-3 debts totalling 6 thousand. He pays child support of 1,000/mth to his biological child and another 300 from his second marriage whom the child isnt his. So in a nutshell I've told him to go and live with his mother until he get's his stuff together because I can't handle the fact that he's so far in debt and I don't want his debts becoming mine. Was I wrong to somewhat end the relationship???
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Old 24th April 2002, 9:46 PM   #2
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Re: He has too much baggage for me

How long will it take him to recover? I dont blame you. Is it possible that you to can continue seeing each other, and keep your financal lives seperate? One way to do it! Or just move on. We cant tell you if your doing the right thing, only you know. But just about anyone will tell you to stay away with someone with too much baggage.

He needs some serious professional help with his debt.
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I met someone around 8 months ago, everything was terrific until I started to find out about his debts. He owns his own truck and makes a pretty good living but his debts are much more then he makes. His mother he owes 17 thousand, the credit union for his business 25 thousand, a boat which he missed the last 5 payments (he owes 8 thousand on that) not too mention his other 2-3 debts totalling 6 thousand. He pays child support of 1,000/mth to his biological child and another 300 from his second marriage whom the child isnt his. So in a nutshell I've told him to go and live with his mother until he get's his stuff together because I can't handle the fact that he's so far in debt and I don't want his debts becoming mine. Was I wrong to somewhat end the relationship???
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Old 24th April 2002, 9:53 PM   #3
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Re: He has too much baggage for me

Thank you for the response. He makes around 100 thousand a year and his pays are about 2400 to 3600 every two weeks and he's left with around 400.00, I don't see him getting out of debt any time soon. I've told him I would like to still see him but that I don't want too be his mother and manage his money, I don't want his problems being mine, it's just very awkward now that he's not here. He's also saying that us being apart like this will end our relationship.
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Old 24th April 2002, 9:57 PM   #4
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You did right....

Continuing in a relationship with a man who is mired in debt is like going through life with a ton of weights hanging from your neck. If he got that much in debt, he is obviously inclined to continue that sort of lifestyle.

To some people, debt is simply a way of life. To others, they just can't stand the thought of owing so much money all the time.

His biggest problem is that bankruptcy wouldn't do him a lot of good because his credit union loan is secured by his truck and he owes a big chunk to him mom, who he wouldn't want to blow off in a bankruptcy. Most people who are in the hole as much as him could file for Chapter 7 bankruptcy and wipe it all out...but his hands are tied.

I'm afraid you're going to have to forget about this dude. I'd bet my computer that if you visit him five years from now, his total debt will probably be $30,000 to $50,000 more than his total debt now.

Evenutually, he will have to file bankruptcy and it won't be long after that he'll be right back into big time debt like he is now.
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Old 24th April 2002, 10:03 PM   #5
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Re: You did right....

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Continuing in a relationship with a man who is mired in debt is like going through life with a ton of weights hanging from your neck. If he got that much in debt, he is obviously inclined to continue that sort of lifestyle. To some people, debt is simply a way of life. To others, they just can't stand the thought of owing so much money all the time. His biggest problem is that bankruptcy wouldn't do him a lot of good because his credit union loan is secured by his truck and he owes a big chunk to him mom, who he wouldn't want to blow off in a bankruptcy. Most people who are in the hole as much as him could file for Chapter 7 bankruptcy and wipe it all out...but his hands are tied.
I believe I did the right thing but I still feel bad. I'm trying to talk myself into the fact that I made the right decision. He on the other hand has this attitude that everyone is in debt and he'll get out of it and that I should stick by him if I really love him. My thought on that are, I may love you but I don't want baggage that you and your ex wife had together. He slipped out the other night that everything will be all right and between us both I'll be out of debt, I said "don't you mean you'll get yourself out of debt. That's when I really knew what to do.
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Old 25th April 2002, 12:08 AM   #6
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Re: You did right....

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He on the other hand has this attitude that everyone is in debt and he'll get out of it and that I should stick by him if I really love him.
Oh my. Don't let him fool you. Sure, many people have debt involving car payments, mortgages, student loans, and such, but no reasonable person has more than one or two thousand on their credit cards. Owing for a car or a student loan or a mortgage is a completely different situation. That's normal. Owing above and beyond those kinds of things is crazy. This guy is out of control.

You sound very smart. Just keep saying to yourself: "If we get married, his debt is my debt."

You do not want that! Anyone that gets themself in that much debt has some serious spending problems. You don't need that in your life. There's no reason for you to take on his baggage! I think it's almost better to date guys who are cheap! (Not when it comes to me, of course )

Repeat after me..."NEXT!"
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