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I have been posting here under different names, such as this "Bill", among others. I have even gone as far as to allow one person to call me to receive help recently.

 

Back in November, I lost my girlfriend of 2 years (2 years then). She cheated on me a few times, even going as far as to see another guy on the internet in person. Everything seemed fine in that relationship after we talked everything out, and things seemed to normal out for a year. She even went as far as staying with me a few extra days after we had already been on vacation back in the summer. Changes happened within what seemed like no time, and she told me she could not see me anymore, that she needed time. Well then in December, she said that it was truly over. Since she had a boyfriend so fast after this, I figure she found him while we were dating. I did everything for her a girl could ask. Never did we have an arguement, never did I hurt her, and never did I treat her bad. I even saved her life once.

 

Then in January, I figured I'd sign up for an online dating site. I found a girl local, a few miles away. After a week, we met each other in person. First date was very nice, I was even at her house till 5 in the morning. After the first date she told me that her ex was coming back from the military and HE wants her back. Well... everything was fine between us, and she told me all horrible things that he did to her, so I helped her not go back with him. She dated me for a month, then broke up with me 2 days before Valentines Day. We didn't talk for a month then, then she called and asked for my help. She wanted to find out information on him. Well I found he was trying to pick up girls on the side via the internet, while he was with her. She found out that he's seriously a perv and all, and that he has all these pictures of him with prostitutes in his room. Well she broke up with him again, and I was helping her cope and all. I wasn't going to get back with her, I just wanted to help out. Well, about a week later, she messaged me asked me how I was doing. I talked with her for a few minutes, then I said something about him, and how he was bad and all, and she replied that she got back with him. I called her the next day, and was asking why... she then got very mad at me.

 

That night I came home to find the guy blocking my house. I was ready to literally rip his head off, but decided to go down to the police station since I have cops in the family and the cops know me. I brought back cops with me, and they removed him; I wasn't going to get myself in trouble over him. I haven't spoken to her ever again, and don't want to. I even found out she stole my mother's credit card when she was at my house the one night. Charges were tried, but they didn't make it because we canceled the card.

 

Now to my dilema....

 

Everyday something reminds me of my first girlfriend. We never talk anymore, even though I've never been mean to her. She has me on every type of block, even though I don't try to contact her. IM's emails, all blocking me. I have become so down about everything recently. I can't stop thinking about her and how our relationship was going.. How we were supposed to get engaged. I'll never see her again, I know this. Everything reminds me of her though.. it is sad. Sometimes I think no one would care if I died. I try so hard to focus on school, but this always breaks my concetration. I just wish there was something I could do.

 

Do not ask me to seek professional help, that is OUT of the question. Don't even suggest it.

 

I'm just so lost now, and it seems no one can help me, not even the people i've helped. I feel so alone, so distant.

 

Helping other problems when this torment is going through my head has caused undesired memories of events. I cannot handle it anymore. I will check back on this post, hopefully someone has advice. I will no longer be posting after this post though, as my mind is clouded. I wish I had someone to care about, and to have someone care about me. That was the best feeling in the world, but I forget what it feels like anymore. I am so lost.

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Awe!!!!

 

Don't be so hard on yourself, that first gal of yours isn't worth it, she cheated on you and that a lame quality in a person! You were totally understanding about it, and you were always there for her, and she just plain doesn't even deserve for you to think for 1 second about her! You sound like the perfect boyfreind, you just need to be a bit more selctive when finding a girl to share your amazing and sweet qualitys with. She is probably so guilt ridden and full of regret that she can't bare to face you.

 

Forget her, she needs someone to smack her around back into reality.

 

You have too many good boyfriend qualitys to waste anymore time mopping about some girl (I can tell) get out there, off the computer, grab a buddie and go to the beach, summers almost here, and I am sure there is a nice chick waiting in the hot hot sun for you...........

 

ave been posting here under different

names, such as this "Bill", among others. I have even gone as far as to allow one person to call me to receive help recently. Back in November, I lost my girlfriend of 2 years (2 years then). She cheated on me a few times, even going as far as to see another guy on the internet in person. Everything seemed fine in that relationship after we talked everything out, and things seemed to normal out for a year. She even went as far as staying with me a few extra days after we had already been on vacation back in the summer. Changes happened within what seemed like no time, and she told me she could not see me anymore, that she needed time. Well then in December, she said that it was truly over. Since she had a boyfriend so fast after this, I figure she found him while we were dating. I did everything for her a girl could ask. Never did we have an arguement, never did I hurt her, and never did I treat her bad. I even saved her life once. Then in January, I figured I'd sign up for an online dating site. I found a girl local, a few miles away. After a week, we met each other in person. First date was very nice, I was even at her house till 5 in the morning. After the first date she told me that her ex was coming back from the military and HE wants her back. Well... everything was fine between us, and she told me all horrible things that he did to her, so I helped her not go back with him. She dated me for a month, then broke up with me 2 days before Valentines Day. We didn't talk for a month then, then she called and asked for my help. She wanted to find out information on him. Well I found he was trying to pick up girls on the side via the internet, while he was with her. She found out that he's seriously a perv and all, and that he has all these pictures of him with prostitutes in his room. Well she broke up with him again, and I was helping her cope and all. I wasn't going to get back with her, I just wanted to help out. Well, about a week later, she messaged me asked me how I was doing. I talked with her for a few minutes, then I said something about him, and how he was bad and all, and she replied that she got back with him. I called her the next day, and was asking why... she then got very mad at me. That night I came home to find the guy blocking my house. I was ready to literally rip his head off, but decided to go down to the police station since I have cops in the family and the cops know me. I brought back cops with me, and they removed him; I wasn't going to get myself in trouble over him. I haven't spoken to her ever again, and don't want to. I even found out she stole my mother's credit card when she was at my house the one night. Charges were tried, but they didn't make it because we canceled the card. Now to my dilema.... Everyday something reminds me of my first girlfriend. We never talk anymore, even though I've never been mean to her. She has me on every type of block, even though I don't try to contact her. IM's emails, all blocking me. I have become so down about everything recently. I can't stop thinking about her and how our relationship was going.. How we were supposed to get engaged. I'll never see her again, I know this. Everything reminds me of her though.. it is sad. Sometimes I think no one would care if I died. I try so hard to focus on school, but this always breaks my concetration. I just wish there was something I could do. Do not ask me to seek professional help, that is OUT of the question. Don't even suggest it. I'm just so lost now, and it seems no one can help me, not even the people i've helped. I feel so alone, so distant. Helping other problems when this torment is going through my head has caused undesired memories of events. I cannot handle it anymore. I will check back on this post, hopefully someone has advice. I will no longer be posting after this post though, as my mind is clouded. I wish I had someone to care about, and to have someone care about me. That was the best feeling in the world, but I forget what it feels like anymore. I am so lost.
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Ah yes, I remember you.

 

Sorry to hear what happened with the V-Day girl, but, well...we told you so.

 

What you are going through right now is completely normal. You lost your girlfriend of 2 years only six months ago under terrible circumstances. Nothing but time is going to heal this. The best thing you could do right now is get busy and stay busy. Take a class, spend time with friends, develop some new hobbies, cultivate hobbies you already have, go out on dates, etc. Sitting around doing nothing is key time when your girlfriend is going to pop into your mind and make you sad. Staying busy and forcing yourself to focus on school and other great things about your life will get you through this. But again, this will not happen overnight so don't expect it to. You will eventually reach a point where you aren't thinking about her anymore. Two years is a long time to be in a relationship--you can't expect to get over it immediately. Everyone in the world has been through what you are going through.

 

Try focusing on yourself and improving your life, rather than trying to find a girl to make you happy. You are the only person who can make you happy. Being single is a wonderful thing. You are in charge of your life and can do whatever you want! Enjoy this time. If you appreciate what a great person you are and are doing all kinds of interesting things, you will attract other people, including potential girls. And if you enjoy your life, it won't hurt as badly in the future when and if this happens again.

I have been posting here under different names, such as this "Bill", among others. I have even gone as far as to allow one person to call me to receive help recently. Back in November, I lost my girlfriend of 2 years (2 years then). She cheated on me a few times, even going as far as to see another guy on the internet in person. Everything seemed fine in that relationship after we talked everything out, and things seemed to normal out for a year. She even went as far as staying with me a few extra days after we had already been on vacation back in the summer. Changes happened within what seemed like no time, and she told me she could not see me anymore, that she needed time. Well then in December, she said that it was truly over. Since she had a boyfriend so fast after this, I figure she found him while we were dating. I did everything for her a girl could ask. Never did we have an arguement, never did I hurt her, and never did I treat her bad. I even saved her life once. Then in January, I figured I'd sign up for an online dating site. I found a girl local, a few miles away. After a week, we met each other in person. First date was very nice, I was even at her house till 5 in the morning. After the first date she told me that her ex was coming back from the military and HE wants her back. Well... everything was fine between us, and she told me all horrible things that he did to her, so I helped her not go back with him. She dated me for a month, then broke up with me 2 days before Valentines Day. We didn't talk for a month then, then she called and asked for my help. She wanted to find out information on him. Well I found he was trying to pick up girls on the side via the internet, while he was with her. She found out that he's seriously a perv and all, and that he has all these pictures of him with prostitutes in his room. Well she broke up with him again, and I was helping her cope and all. I wasn't going to get back with her, I just wanted to help out. Well, about a week later, she messaged me asked me how I was doing. I talked with her for a few minutes, then I said something about him, and how he was bad and all, and she replied that she got back with him. I called her the next day, and was asking why... she then got very mad at me. That night I came home to find the guy blocking my house. I was ready to literally rip his head off, but decided to go down to the police station since I have cops in the family and the cops know me. I brought back cops with me, and they removed him; I wasn't going to get myself in trouble over him. I haven't spoken to her ever again, and don't want to. I even found out she stole my mother's credit card when she was at my house the one night. Charges were tried, but they didn't make it because we canceled the card. Now to my dilema.... Everyday something reminds me of my first girlfriend. We never talk anymore, even though I've never been mean to her. She has me on every type of block, even though I don't try to contact her. IM's emails, all blocking me. I have become so down about everything recently. I can't stop thinking about her and how our relationship was going.. How we were supposed to get engaged. I'll never see her again, I know this. Everything reminds me of her though.. it is sad. Sometimes I think no one would care if I died. I try so hard to focus on school, but this always breaks my concetration. I just wish there was something I could do. Do not ask me to seek professional help, that is OUT of the question. Don't even suggest it. I'm just so lost now, and it seems no one can help me, not even the people i've helped. I feel so alone, so distant. Helping other problems when this torment is going through my head has caused undesired memories of events. I cannot handle it anymore. I will check back on this post, hopefully someone has advice. I will no longer be posting after this post though, as my mind is clouded. I wish I had someone to care about, and to have someone care about me. That was the best feeling in the world, but I forget what it feels like anymore. I am so lost.
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That is the worst feeling of a broken love. Next time, Try to learn more about a girl before dating. Everybody has the right to choose a partner. Just be a little clever next time. Many girls in the world, you will find and choose the best one for youself. A little crazy?!

 

I have been posting here under different names, such as this "Bill", among others. I have even gone as far as to allow one person to call me to receive help recently. Back in November, I lost my girlfriend of 2 years (2 years then). She cheated on me a few times, even going as far as to see another guy on the internet in person. Everything seemed fine in that relationship after we talked everything out, and things seemed to normal out for a year. She even went as far as staying with me a few extra days after we had already been on vacation back in the summer. Changes happened within what seemed like no time, and she told me she could not see me anymore, that she needed time. Well then in December, she said that it was truly over. Since she had a boyfriend so fast after this, I figure she found him while we were dating. I did everything for her a girl could ask. Never did we have an arguement, never did I hurt her, and never did I treat her bad. I even saved her life once. Then in January, I figured I'd sign up for an online dating site. I found a girl local, a few miles away. After a week, we met each other in person. First date was very nice, I was even at her house till 5 in the morning. After the first date she told me that her ex was coming back from the military and HE wants her back. Well... everything was fine between us, and she told me all horrible things that he did to her, so I helped her not go back with him. She dated me for a month, then broke up with me 2 days before Valentines Day. We didn't talk for a month then, then she called and asked for my help. She wanted to find out information on him. Well I found he was trying to pick up girls on the side via the internet, while he was with her. She found out that he's seriously a perv and all, and that he has all these pictures of him with prostitutes in his room. Well she broke up with him again, and I was helping her cope and all. I wasn't going to get back with her, I just wanted to help out. Well, about a week later, she messaged me asked me how I was doing. I talked with her for a few minutes, then I said something about him, and how he was bad and all, and she replied that she got back with him. I called her the next day, and was asking why... she then got very mad at me. That night I came home to find the guy blocking my house. I was ready to literally rip his head off, but decided to go down to the police station since I have cops in the family and the cops know me. I brought back cops with me, and they removed him; I wasn't going to get myself in trouble over him. I haven't spoken to her ever again, and don't want to. I even found out she stole my mother's credit card when she was at my house the one night. Charges were tried, but they didn't make it because we canceled the card. Now to my dilema.... Everyday something reminds me of my first girlfriend. We never talk anymore, even though I've never been mean to her. She has me on every type of block, even though I don't try to contact her. IM's emails, all blocking me. I have become so down about everything recently. I can't stop thinking about her and how our relationship was going.. How we were supposed to get engaged. I'll never see her again, I know this. Everything reminds me of her though.. it is sad. Sometimes I think no one would care if I died. I try so hard to focus on school, but this always breaks my concetration. I just wish there was something I could do. Do not ask me to seek professional help, that is OUT of the question. Don't even suggest it. I'm just so lost now, and it seems no one can help me, not even the people i've helped. I feel so alone, so distant. Helping other problems when this torment is going through my head has caused undesired memories of events. I cannot handle it anymore. I will check back on this post, hopefully someone has advice. I will no longer be posting after this post though, as my mind is clouded. I wish I had someone to care about, and to have someone care about me. That was the best feeling in the world, but I forget what it feels like anymore. I am so lost.
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The key to love

Be more confident and clever, good luck will go to you!

 

I have been posting here under different names, such as this "Bill", among others. I have even gone as far as to allow one person to call me to receive help recently. Back in November, I lost my girlfriend of 2 years (2 years then). She cheated on me a few times, even going as far as to see another guy on the internet in person. Everything seemed fine in that relationship after we talked everything out, and things seemed to normal out for a year. She even went as far as staying with me a few extra days after we had already been on vacation back in the summer. Changes happened within what seemed like no time, and she told me she could not see me anymore, that she needed time. Well then in December, she said that it was truly over. Since she had a boyfriend so fast after this, I figure she found him while we were dating. I did everything for her a girl could ask. Never did we have an arguement, never did I hurt her, and never did I treat her bad. I even saved her life once. Then in January, I figured I'd sign up for an online dating site. I found a girl local, a few miles away. After a week, we met each other in person. First date was very nice, I was even at her house till 5 in the morning. After the first date she told me that her ex was coming back from the military and HE wants her back. Well... everything was fine between us, and she told me all horrible things that he did to her, so I helped her not go back with him. She dated me for a month, then broke up with me 2 days before Valentines Day. We didn't talk for a month then, then she called and asked for my help. She wanted to find out information on him. Well I found he was trying to pick up girls on the side via the internet, while he was with her. She found out that he's seriously a perv and all, and that he has all these pictures of him with prostitutes in his room. Well she broke up with him again, and I was helping her cope and all. I wasn't going to get back with her, I just wanted to help out. Well, about a week later, she messaged me asked me how I was doing. I talked with her for a few minutes, then I said something about him, and how he was bad and all, and she replied that she got back with him. I called her the next day, and was asking why... she then got very mad at me. That night I came home to find the guy blocking my house. I was ready to literally rip his head off, but decided to go down to the police station since I have cops in the family and the cops know me. I brought back cops with me, and they removed him; I wasn't going to get myself in trouble over him. I haven't spoken to her ever again, and don't want to. I even found out she stole my mother's credit card when she was at my house the one night. Charges were tried, but they didn't make it because we canceled the card. Now to my dilema.... Everyday something reminds me of my first girlfriend. We never talk anymore, even though I've never been mean to her. She has me on every type of block, even though I don't try to contact her. IM's emails, all blocking me. I have become so down about everything recently. I can't stop thinking about her and how our relationship was going.. How we were supposed to get engaged. I'll never see her again, I know this. Everything reminds me of her though.. it is sad. Sometimes I think no one would care if I died. I try so hard to focus on school, but this always breaks my concetration. I just wish there was something I could do. Do not ask me to seek professional help, that is OUT of the question. Don't even suggest it. I'm just so lost now, and it seems no one can help me, not even the people i've helped. I feel so alone, so distant. Helping other problems when this torment is going through my head has caused undesired memories of events. I cannot handle it anymore. I will check back on this post, hopefully someone has advice. I will no longer be posting after this post though, as my mind is clouded. I wish I had someone to care about, and to have someone care about me. That was the best feeling in the world, but I forget what it feels like anymore. I am so lost.
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It is a shame that I am too shy to even walk up to a girl even if I do see one that looks promising. I will never get over this, and it most likely is a fear of rejection.

 

My ex always used to tell me I deserve someone better than her; she said that almost every week. I didn't want anyone else, I wanted her. But that is over now. That was 6 months ago, and I should have stopped thinking about it, but I can't.

Awe!!!! Don't be so hard on yourself, that first gal of yours isn't worth it, she cheated on you and that a lame quality in a person! You were totally understanding about it, and you were always there for her, and she just plain doesn't even deserve for you to think for 1 second about her! You sound like the perfect boyfreind, you just need to be a bit more selctive when finding a girl to share your amazing and sweet qualitys with. She is probably so guilt ridden and full of regret that she can't bare to face you. Forget her, she needs someone to smack her around back into reality. You have too many good boyfriend qualitys to waste anymore time mopping about some girl (I can tell) get out there, off the computer, grab a buddie and go to the beach, summers almost here, and I am sure there is a nice chick waiting in the hot hot sun for you........... ave been posting here under different
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Yes, I only wish I could go out on dates. If I could even find a date, that would be amazing. Combined with where I live, how much school I have and my pain right now, and how shy I am it would make this difficult. I cannot walk up to a girl and ask her out, or even talk to her. I don't "hang" out at places, I'm not that kind of person. People say, oh go hang out at the mall, or a pool hall etc.. that is totally not me, I'd HATE it there. I can't hang out with a lot of guys, because I HATE sports. I HATE watching them. Although I'd love to play Ice hockey again, but that is too expensive.

 

If I wasn't shy, everything would work out. But most of the bad guys aren't shy... and they were the ones who are probably with my ex's. I wish there was another way to meet someone here.

Ah yes, I remember you. Sorry to hear what happened with the V-Day girl, but, well...we told you so. What you are going through right now is completely normal. You lost your girlfriend of 2 years only six months ago under terrible circumstances. Nothing but time is going to heal this. The best thing you could do right now is get busy and stay busy. Take a class, spend time with friends, develop some new hobbies, cultivate hobbies you already have, go out on dates, etc. Sitting around doing nothing is key time when your girlfriend is going to pop into your mind and make you sad. Staying busy and forcing yourself to focus on school and other great things about your life will get you through this. But again, this will not happen overnight so don't expect it to. You will eventually reach a point where you aren't thinking about her anymore. Two years is a long time to be in a relationship--you can't expect to get over it immediately. Everyone in the world has been through what you are going through. Try focusing on yourself and improving your life, rather than trying to find a girl to make you happy. You are the only person who can make you happy. Being single is a wonderful thing. You are in charge of your life and can do whatever you want! Enjoy this time. If you appreciate what a great person you are and are doing all kinds of interesting things, you will attract other people, including potential girls. And if you enjoy your life, it won't hurt as badly in the future when and if this happens again.
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The first girl I had, the one for two years, her mother suggested to her that she go out with me. This was because of my reputation, good grades, maturity, etc. My family had known the girl for a while, and they said she seemed ok. But do we ever REALLY know someone, besides ourselves? Again, I wish there was a better way to meet someone, for people like me.

That is the worst feeling of a broken love. Next time, Try to learn more about a girl before dating. Everybody has the right to choose a partner. Just be a little clever next time. Many girls in the world, you will find and choose the best one for youself. A little crazy?!
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God, I just want to give you a big hug! You seem like a great guy.

 

You can work through your shyness. Trust me, I used to be really, really shy, and now people who know me can't believe it. I'm still an introvert at heart, but I've found a way to work past my shyness.

 

It takes baby steps. Make it your goal to talk to one stranger a day. It could be the person who waits on you at McDonald's, Starbucks, the grocery store, whatever. Start with "hello" and "have a nice day." Work up to making random comments about the weather, last night's sporting event (I know you said you don't like sports, but surely you know if the local team in your area won or lost), mindless things like "I know my credit card is in here somewhere", or "I'm dying of thirst, can't wait to drink this Coke." Whatever. Say anything. If they think you are a fool, chances are likely you will never see them again. (I learned this from my mother, who tells her life story to everyone she runs into!) The trick is to simply getting comfortable with talking to people you don't know. It doesn't matter if you never want to see them again or don't care anything about them. Just start a mini conversation. It can be one sentence. So what! People are very receptive to this. Sometimes they will start talking to you about all kinds of weird stuff! If you do it a lot, you will get very comfortable with it.

 

The next step is to ACT confident. Inside you may feel like the biggest loser/tool/shy guy. That doesn't matter. Ignore it. Pretend that you are the coolest, most happening guy to walk down the street. Walk with your head up. Smile. Pretend you are confident. After awhile, you will really start to feel confident. It's all about how YOU feel about yourself.

 

People watching is also very interesting. Watch what kind of people get positive reactions from others. I know you don't like "hanging out", but grab a table at your nearest Starbucks next time you are studying. Have a cup of coffee or hot chocolate and pay some attention to what's going on around you. (This is also a great way to meet people.) Newspaper sitting on the couch next to a cute girl? Ask, "Is this yours?" If she says no, move it and grab a seat. You don't even need to say anything else. You've talked to someone, which is a step to overcoming your shyness. If someone has an interesting looking drink, ask them what it is. People like to be talked to! You will oftentimes meet some interesting people in this way.

 

Are there any gals in your classes that you might be interested in? If a girl, or guy, for that matter raises an interesting point in class, chat with them about it on the way out the door. If all else fails, just say "That point you raised was great." 100% chance that they will smile and say "Thanks!" Hey, mission accomplished!

 

If you are open to doing these things, you can overcome shyness. I'm living proof! It just takes time, attitude, and motivation.

 

Hopefully this helps...

 

Yes, I only wish I could go out on dates. If I could even find a date, that would be amazing. Combined with where I live, how much school I have and my pain right now, and how shy I am it would make this difficult. I cannot walk up to a girl and ask her out, or even talk to her. I don't "hang" out at places, I'm not that kind of person. People say, oh go hang out at the mall, or a pool hall etc.. that is totally not me, I'd HATE it there. I can't hang out with a lot of guys, because I HATE sports. I HATE watching them. Although I'd love to play Ice hockey again, but that is too expensive. If I wasn't shy, everything would work out. But most of the bad guys aren't shy... and they were the ones who are probably with my ex's. I wish there was another way to meet someone here.

 

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Well i'd definately say I'm not a "Starbucks" person. As a matter of fact, I hate reading (books, magazines, etc). It's a long story why I hate it, but I just can't do it. But, I will be working a summer job with kids, and college girls work there. I will try what you've told me. I've only had one girl in a class at college, and she is a friend only (she also has a bf). I am hoping something will work out. I remember my old girlfriend getting mad, because all the girls at her school liked me, and she got mad at me for that. I never even looked at them, or said anything to them. Of course they are all out of reach now.

 

I just want a girl to know how truly devoted I would be to her, how i'd treat her like a princess. I've worked hard to get where I am right now, and I'd love to have a special girl to share that with. I need someone to talk to, someone to have fun with. Someone to open up to. Someone to help me when I feel down, or to enjoy happy situations. I would do the absolute most I could to make the girl happy.

 

All of my friends and family know this, from what i've done for those two girls in the past. I made their friends jealous of them. Whether it be going out to dinner at a very nice place, or driving somewhere to get some special item for a partner that they love so much (a favorite drink, candy, etc). I try to find out what their favorites are, and every chance I get, I go out and get them. But as of right now, I have no one to share things with. Not only do I do this, but I'd protect her very well, as I have done in the past. Attention will be focused on her at all times, and privacy respected at other times. I've never had a fight with a girlfriend, and there's a reason for that. I've never gotten mad at one, because I would not get mad at someone I love. She would automatically become my best friend, besides being a girlfriend. I miss all of this, I truly do. Perhaps there is a girl out there that would like to be treated this way, perhaps not. I see a lot of girls going for the bad guys, but my offers still stand, because they are what I believe in.

God, I just want to give you a big hug! You seem like a great guy. You can work through your shyness. Trust me, I used to be really, really shy, and now people who know me can't believe it. I'm still an introvert at heart, but I've found a way to work past my shyness. It takes baby steps. Make it your goal to talk to one stranger a day. It could be the person who waits on you at McDonald's, Starbucks, the grocery store, whatever. Start with "hello" and "have a nice day." Work up to making random comments about the weather, last night's sporting event (I know you said you don't like sports, but surely you know if the local team in your area won or lost), mindless things like "I know my credit card is in here somewhere", or "I'm dying of thirst, can't wait to drink this Coke." Whatever. Say anything. If they think you are a fool, chances are likely you will never see them again. (I learned this from my mother, who tells her life story to everyone she runs into!) The trick is to simply getting comfortable with talking to people you don't know. It doesn't matter if you never want to see them again or don't care anything about them. Just start a mini conversation. It can be one sentence. So what! People are very receptive to this. Sometimes they will start talking to you about all kinds of weird stuff! If you do it a lot, you will get very comfortable with it. The next step is to ACT confident. Inside you may feel like the biggest loser/tool/shy guy. That doesn't matter. Ignore it. Pretend that you are the coolest, most happening guy to walk down the street. Walk with your head up. Smile. Pretend you are confident. After awhile, you will really start to feel confident. It's all about how YOU feel about yourself. People watching is also very interesting. Watch what kind of people get positive reactions from others. I know you don't like "hanging out", but grab a table at your nearest Starbucks next time you are studying. Have a cup of coffee or hot chocolate and pay some attention to what's going on around you. (This is also a great way to meet people.) Newspaper sitting on the couch next to a cute girl? Ask, "Is this yours?" If she says no, move it and grab a seat. You don't even need to say anything else. You've talked to someone, which is a step to overcoming your shyness. If someone has an interesting looking drink, ask them what it is. People like to be talked to! You will oftentimes meet some interesting people in this way. Are there any gals in your classes that you might be interested in? If a girl, or guy, for that matter raises an interesting point in class, chat with them about it on the way out the door. If all else fails, just say "That point you raised was great." 100% chance that they will smile and say "Thanks!" Hey, mission accomplished! If you are open to doing these things, you can overcome shyness. I'm living proof! It just takes time, attitude, and motivation. Hopefully this helps...
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Okay, so Starbucks isn't for you. But you can adapt what I said to other situations. (You don't like to read? Ugh...I can't talk to you anymore! Just kidding. I adore reading.) But hey, if you have to study anyway, why not pack up your books and take 'em to Starbucks? I've met tons of people when studying there. Although, when it comes down to it, I guess I don't get much studying done!

 

In reading your post, though, I think part of your problem might be that you devote a little too much to a gal. Don't get me wrong, we like the attention and all, but girls like a guy who has their own life and interests beyond just us. (We say we don't, but really, deep down, we do! It makes us crazy, and you know how girls like to analyze everything!) Do you have a lot of friends? You might try talking to guys in your classes too. Take it slow, of course, so they don't think you are hitting on them. :) Just be nice and mention something they said in class or whatever. Or b**** about a professor or an assignment randomly. Those guys might have girl friends who they could set you up with. Most of the guys I've dated I've met through friends of friends of friends! It's a great way to network.

 

But remember this: you don't need a significant other to be happy. You really don't! I think being on your own and learning to enjoy it is crucial to really appreciating how much another person can bring to the table. I'm not saying that you want to be single forever, but it certainly doesn't hurt to enjoy it while you're young. I have so many friends who have been all wrapped up in relationships forever, and now that they are in their late 20s they really appreciate being single and being to do what they want and live their own life. You can share things with friends. (The only thing you really miss is the sex and intimacy.) Don't be so intent on finding another girl. Methinks you seem to be trying to fill the void of your ex with another girl. Don't do that. Fill the void with yourself and your enthusiasm and excitement for life, and doing what you want to do. You will be much happier in the long run.

 

Sorry for all the long posts...I just think you have some potential, just need a bit of direction...tell me if I'm getting annoying or repetive...:)

Well i'd definately say I'm not a "Starbucks" person. As a matter of fact, I hate reading (books, magazines, etc). It's a long story why I hate it, but I just can't do it. But, I will be working a summer job with kids, and college girls work there. I will try what you've told me. I've only had one girl in a class at college, and she is a friend only (she also has a bf). I am hoping something will work out. I remember my old girlfriend getting mad, because all the girls at her school liked me, and she got mad at me for that. I never even looked at them, or said anything to them. Of course they are all out of reach now. I just want a girl to know how truly devoted I would be to her, how i'd treat her like a princess. I've worked hard to get where I am right now, and I'd love to have a special girl to share that with. I need someone to talk to, someone to have fun with. Someone to open up to. Someone to help me when I feel down, or to enjoy happy situations. I would do the absolute most I could to make the girl happy. All of my friends and family know this, from what i've done for those two girls in the past. I made their friends jealous of them. Whether it be going out to dinner at a very nice place, or driving somewhere to get some special item for a partner that they love so much (a favorite drink, candy, etc). I try to find out what their favorites are, and every chance I get, I go out and get them. But as of right now, I have no one to share things with. Not only do I do this, but I'd protect her very well, as I have done in the past. Attention will be focused on her at all times, and privacy respected at other times. I've never had a fight with a girlfriend, and there's a reason for that. I've never gotten mad at one, because I would not get mad at someone I love. She would automatically become my best friend, besides being a girlfriend. I miss all of this, I truly do. Perhaps there is a girl out there that would like to be treated this way, perhaps not. I see a lot of girls going for the bad guys, but my offers still stand, because they are what I believe in.
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"Don't get me wrong, we like the attention and all, but girls like a guy who has their own life and interests beyond just us. "

 

When you say that, anytime my ex wanted to go out with a friend I was fine with it, or if she just wanted to stay home. I definately gave the space needed. And of course I played ice hockey back then and was in school as I still am now. I have two "real" friends. The others are just people that would help me. As I told some of the guys at the college that (from my previous post), that ex's new bf was blocking me house... They said I should have called them, they would have helped. I didn't want any trouble though. They don't know any girls besides their g/fs or exs. I have even asked family members about people at their work, etc, but it seems that no one single is around here, except me. I'm not trying to rush into things. Like I said in my previous post, it's someone who I can spend time with and relax, someone who I can open up to, it is a very great thing. I hope that someday I do find a special girl.

 

I asked a girl at the college(who has a boyfriend), if she had any friends, or knew anyone my age, but she just said she didn't really have any friends that were girls. I also asked a girl that used to come to watch me play ice hockey back when I played that. (My family has always HINTED that I go out with her, and vise versa). That girl and I are COMPLETELY different. We have even discussed how different we are, and how it'd never work what our families are trying to do. (that girl I've known for like 10+ years). I am just hopeful that someone will turn up eventually, and I will strive to make that girl very happy.

Okay, so Starbucks isn't for you. But you can adapt what I said to other situations. (You don't like to read? Ugh...I can't talk to you anymore! Just kidding. I adore reading.) But hey, if you have to study anyway, why not pack up your books and take 'em to Starbucks? I've met tons of people when studying there. Although, when it comes down to it, I guess I don't get much studying done! In reading your post, though, I think part of your problem might be that you devote a little too much to a gal. Don't get me wrong, we like the attention and all, but girls like a guy who has their own life and interests beyond just us. (We say we don't, but really, deep down, we do! It makes us crazy, and you know how girls like to analyze everything!) Do you have a lot of friends? You might try talking to guys in your classes too. Take it slow, of course, so they don't think you are hitting on them. :) Just be nice and mention something they said in class or whatever. Or b**** about a professor or an assignment randomly. Those guys might have girl friends who they could set you up with. Most of the guys I've dated I've met through friends of friends of friends! It's a great way to network. But remember this: you don't need a significant other to be happy. You really don't! I think being on your own and learning to enjoy it is crucial to really appreciating how much another person can bring to the table. I'm not saying that you want to be single forever, but it certainly doesn't hurt to enjoy it while you're young. I have so many friends who have been all wrapped up in relationships forever, and now that they are in their late 20s they really appreciate being single and being to do what they want and live their own life. You can share things with friends. (The only thing you really miss is the sex and intimacy.) Don't be so intent on finding another girl. Methinks you seem to be trying to fill the void of your ex with another girl. Don't do that. Fill the void with yourself and your enthusiasm and excitement for life, and doing what you want to do. You will be much happier in the long run. Sorry for all the long posts...I just think you have some potential, just need a bit of direction...tell me if I'm getting annoying or repetive...:)
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  • 2 weeks later...

Bill,

 

Just remember this line of wisdom.....

 

A Damsel in Distress is a Distressed Damsel.

 

Get yourself a woman without all the problems. If your relationships are based on you helping her, then when she is done being helped - she is done with you. There are lots of women out there who don't need any help, and when you find one you will see that it is a lot better than the two goofballs that you had.

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What rjtharp2 wrote in the above post is absolutely correct and it is short. Read it carefully.

 

Nobody can help you but yourself. There is some good reason that you are enjoying wallowing in sorrow and carrying this pitty party on and on and on. I cannot understand why you would want to drag this further.

 

Hell, yes, it hurts. But it's also over. There is no good, productive reason why you should take this grief and carry it over into your retirement. Time is valuable and today could be your last day on this planet. Use it wisely to contemplate the great life you have ahead of you and let go of your ex and the past you had with her. It is OVER.

 

The pain of loss is extremely unpleasant. I have found that people who take it really hard and over a long period of time experienced some serious loss in their childhood which was difficult and even incomprehensible. However, you have stressed that you do not want to seek counselling so working with a therapist on that issue is not an option.

 

You own your brain, you own your thoughts, you are in total and complete control over what you obsess over. I strongly urge you to cease this grieving at your earliest opportunity...whenever you feel you have given it enough time to screw up your life...and go on to bigger and better things. Every second you spend in thoughts about the past and your sorrow are seconds you will never regain and are seconds you could have used to be happy.

 

The only reason this is getting to you so bad is because you are giving it the power to do so. Take that power back for yourself and stop giving your ex this kind of power over your mind and your life. When you do that, you will be a new man and have a new life for yourself.

 

Love is only for the strong.

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Lots has happened since this was first posted.

 

Consider this thread dead.

:)

It's from the old forum, the thread.

 

- edit..

I'm not ok with all that I said in this thread as before, but I'm putting off my worries till next Wednesday, when FINALS are over.

 

-Edit2

In that thread... I said I would not be posting here anymore... well I don't know which one of my multiple personalities wrote that, but I will be posting here.

 

P.S. I don't have multiple HI EVERYONE Where Am I? personalities.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Being cheated on is a really bad feeling. There was obviously a reason she did this, and it was probably bound to happen. And although you may not think so now, you are better off being alone. You have a long way to go in life, don't waste your time thinking about someone who already has a predisposition to cheat on you. SHE HAS NO RESPECT FOR YOU.

 

First of all, you are not in a position to have a relationship with anyone. You need to raise your self esteem.

 

Second, you seem very needy. If you do find a girl, she will likely pick up on this and either decide to not pursue any real relationship with you or treat you bad and take advantage of your willingness to please. And you will probably REALLY try to please, because you feel like you must be in a relationship.

 

Lastly, you are too focused on being in a relationship. Focus on YOURSELF!! Do not give everything away so quickly. Keep your integrity. You cannot love ANYONE if you don't love yourself first. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. Think about what makes you happy. Then set about doing what makes YOU happy.

 

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you would scare me away so quickly if i met you in person. Girls like guys who are nice, and stable. Confident not Needy. Dependable but not smothering.

 

You came here looking for advice. Why don't you take it if everyone is saying the same things? There must be truth to what people are telling you. There is pretty much a consensus here.

 

Get on with your life, and focus on YOU. Think about it. You are focusing too much on getting a girl.

 

Strive to make yourself happy first, ONLY THEN can you make others happy. IT MAKES SENSE!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey,

 

I agree, being cheated on and that feeling of being betrayed is horrible. But, I know there are lots of women out there looking for a sweet guy who is caring and giving like you are. I know because I am one of them . Atleast I have faith now there are still good decent men out there somewhere.

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