"emotionally paralyzed" men.

[Sue]

Tony (and other males),

 

You made a comment in another discussion about men becoming emotionally paralyzed after a breakup. As a woman, I find this interesting and a little difficult to understand. I feel, (probably unfairly), that many men are out of touch with their emotions to beging with. So, how does it become worse after a breakup?

 

Would you be willing to give some examples?

 

Thanks in advance.

[Tony T]

1. "I feel, (probably unfairly), that many men are out of touch with their emotions to beging with. So, how does it become worse after a breakup?"

 

It doesn't become worse. Many men are just stupid about what's going on and they take things for granted. They love their lady very deeply but men are hunters. When they find their trophy, they enjoy it for a while and then put it on the mantle and sit back with a six pack to watch football on TV. Often, men do not pay attention to the details of relationship maintenance and fail to heed the many warnings tossed at them.

 

Women on the other hand are creatures of relationship and they are very important to them. If they get no reaction from their men after long bouts of warning them and asking for what they need, they slowly disbond to the point they are totally out of love. At that point, they are mostly OVER the relationship and are ready to break up or divorce and move ahead.

 

When the female tells the male she's bolting, the male goes bananas because he loves her and was oblivious to wall the signs and warnings she was disbonding...often those signs go over a long period of time. The woman is for the most part over it.

 

Psychologists will tell you that more men than women see them for pain and hurt following a break up...and particularly a divorce. Attorneys will tell you that somethihng like 85 percent of their female clients have another man in mind when they seek a divorce. I personally think that's often true in break ups as well.

 

One of my favorite quotes: "Love knows not its own depth, except in the hour of separation." I think we all take people we love for granted at one time or another...and if we do that long enough we will pay the price. Nobody is obligated to remain with us if we don't show them the love, respect and attention they stuck by us for.

 

So you may be right...men may very well be out of touch with their emotions. But once they get the hammer, they get in touch real fast and it ain't pretty.

 

2. Would you be willing to give some examples?

 

I think the above answers this question as well.

[Angel]

E X A C T L Y

 

I think Tony is right on the mark again! Women send signals that they are unhappy -- many direct and indirect. Men take them for granted (sometimes) and when the woman is tired of sending signals she is FINISHED. The guy is then clueless---and then wants you back. By that time---you have emotionally divorced. I say too little too late, I'm outta here!

 

Pitty--but many men are like that.

1. "I feel, (probably unfairly), that many men are out of touch with their emotions to beging with. So, how does it become worse after a breakup?" It doesn't become worse. Many men are just stupid about what's going on and they take things for granted. They love their lady very deeply but men are hunters. When they find their trophy, they enjoy it for a while and then put it on the mantle and sit back with a six pack to watch football on TV. Often, men do not pay attention to the details of relationship maintenance and fail to heed the many warnings tossed at them. Women on the other hand are creatures of relationship and they are very important to them. If they get no reaction from their men after long bouts of warning them and asking for what they need, they slowly disbond to the point they are totally out of love. At that point, they are mostly OVER the relationship and are ready to break up or divorce and move ahead. When the female tells the male she's bolting, the male goes bananas because he loves her and was oblivious to wall the signs and warnings she was disbonding...often those signs go over a long period of time. The woman is for the most part over it. Psychologists will tell you that more men than women see them for pain and hurt following a break up...and particularly a divorce. Attorneys will tell you that somethihng like 85 percent of their female clients have another man in mind when they seek a divorce. I personally think that's often true in break ups as well. One of my favorite quotes: "Love knows not its own depth, except in the hour of separation." I think we all take people we love for granted at one time or another...and if we do that long enough we will pay the price. Nobody is obligated to remain with us if we don't show them the love, respect and attention they stuck by us for. So you may be right...men may very well be out of touch with their emotions. But once they get the hammer, they get in touch real fast and it ain't pretty. 2. Would you be willing to give some examples?

 

I think the above answers this question as well.

[Sue]

BINGO!!! Thank you both -I see people I know in your examples, and tons of truth in what you have said here, but I never looked at it quite this way and made the connection. It is as after the race is run, some men then pull over and put it in park...

 

In reading what you say, I have seen women disengage, and the man goes bonkers when they find out the wife is leaving them. I have wondered some of it is hurt pride, and the feeling of "losing ownership"?

[Angel]

Whatever it is --- it is their problem. You have to take control of your own happiness. Your (our) happiness is up to us! They are happy the way they are--they don't have to change a thing! The one that is unsatisfied has to make changes----it is hard---but once it's done ---it is fabulous. I have never regretted leaving one of my boyfriends and especially my x husband once I realized I could not live the way "they" were happy. Good luck with whatever decision is right for you!

BINGO!!! Thank you both -I see people I know in your examples, and tons of truth in what you have said here, but I never looked at it quite this way and made the connection. It is as after the race is run, some men then pull over and put it in park... In reading what you say, I have seen women disengage, and the man goes bonkers when they find out the wife is leaving them. I have wondered some of it is hurt pride, and the feeling of "losing ownership"?